tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post7149527523088979391..comments2023-11-03T08:13:04.072-04:00Comments on anabegins: Book Review: I Know How She Does ItAnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-75899335924769454702019-10-05T20:56:08.668-04:002019-10-05T20:56:08.668-04:00Thank you very cool article
شركة تنظيف بالرياضشركة...Thank you very cool article<br /><a href="https://shahd-alriyadh.com/cleaning-company-in-riyadh/" rel="nofollow">شركة تنظيف بالرياض</a><br><a href="https://shahd-alriyadh.com/air-conditioning-cleaning-company-in-riyadh/" rel="nofollow">شركة تنظيف مكيفات بالرياض</a><br><a href="http://shahd-alriyadh.com/fighting-insects-in-buraidah/" rel="nofollow">شركة مكافحة حشرات ببريدة</a><br><br />kamonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13681024900236143262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-49986405306203507722015-08-21T14:56:14.349-04:002015-08-21T14:56:14.349-04:00That should read "while I was at the BEACH&qu...That should read "while I was at the BEACH" LOLKeAnnehttp://babywithatwist.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-73802625803811666492015-08-21T14:55:13.946-04:002015-08-21T14:55:13.946-04:00Gah! I missed this post while I was at the book. ...Gah! I missed this post while I was at the book. I read this book and would have thrown it across the room in disgust if I hadn't been reading it on my phone. She rubbed me the wrong way from the moment she informed me that we really weren't as busy as we thought we were. I'll read the other comments and I'm sure I'll have more to say.KeAnnehttp://babywithatwist.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-56850659145331679242015-08-13T16:44:57.311-04:002015-08-13T16:44:57.311-04:00NY Times narrative about having it all, that's...NY Times narrative about having it all, that's good enough for me. <br /><br />Ana--you're right: most of what's on my blog is common sense, or seems so to me. I think I was just puzzled about why LV seems to have her pronouncements taken so seriously. But I was missing the point that they are helping some people to counter harmful received wisdom, and if that's the case, it's clear that she's helpful to many. undinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05589384016564587214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-15686837733127531112015-08-13T15:16:12.622-04:002015-08-13T15:16:12.622-04:00In defense of economics-- lack of information is a...In defense of economics-- lack of information is a constraint, and increased information changes the budget constraint. We are all for full information!<br /><br />The difference is that an economist will present new information and say, have fun with that, change or don't change based on your preferences and new constraints as you rerun your internal optimization calculations. It's that positive/normative thing from econ 101. nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-37559347427929831272015-08-13T08:54:23.570-04:002015-08-13T08:54:23.570-04:00back to N&M's point way up there that her ...back to N&M's point way up there that her assumption is that people are already optimizing based on their values/constraints---well I would argue that that optimization is limited by their worldview/experience. So presenting a different viewpoint may open up possibilities they never imagined existed (and thus could not utilize!)Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-30715709656481007752015-08-13T08:47:31.600-04:002015-08-13T08:47:31.600-04:00How many times have you heard someone say somethin...How many times have you heard someone say something that defies your idea of common sense? Common sense is not actually that common. In fact, I clicked over to your blog and your latest post about tips for relaxation sounded exactly like common sense that I figured most of us had figured out years ago---but clearly some people haven't or the post wouldn't be necessary! <br />Yes, there is indeed this ridiculous narrative that 1) successful career women never see their kids and 2) they are harried/frenzied/miserable. I've come across it multiple times in various settings, where people ask me what I do and then get wide eyed and make some comment about "that must be crazy" "wow you must never sleep" "how do you manage" etc... This is not only super annoying to me, but damaging when young women take in this narrative and assume that, since they don't want their lives to be frantic and miserable and they would like to see their kids, they should not go into a high-power field (see, for example, mothers in medicine). <br />I think the book was inspired, in part, by a comment on another blogger's post about trying to get women involved in something or another and a commenter wrote something along the lines of "well, if ya'll care about paychecks & head pats, go for it. I prefer to be paid in hugs and dandelions from my kids"---obviously this pissed off a lot of working mothers, but yeah, people really do think its one or the other. <br />In terms of the ideas of outsourcing various tasks or letting things go---again, while this isn't brand new information to the world, most of our views on family life and what a mother should do have been heavily shaped by our experiences in our own homes. My mom stayed home with us. The idea of outsourcing ANYTHING besides 9-5 childcare didn't occur to me naturally. I just assumed I would clean the house, cook dinners every night, keep on top of laundry, take my kids to activiites, take care of pets etc... even though I was working full time because, well, I had childcare for those hours and I'd get the other stuff done in evenings/weekends. Thankfully I talked to some senior colleagues and came around to hiring a house cleaner! But still, it never occurred to me to have someone do daycare pick up, or have daycare feed dinner, or to hire a regular dog walker because I technically COULD do those things myself (when I say "I" I mean "we") even though those things cause a lot of unnecessary stress & eliminating those would leave room for more of the stuff I actually care about. Its having these thoughts & conversations, spurred by books like this, that make me re-examine my day to day life and see where I can optimize. Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-90142469759516907822015-08-13T07:28:43.024-04:002015-08-13T07:28:43.024-04:00Ahh sorry. I somehow missed the capable! It'...Ahh sorry. I somehow missed the capable! It's a somewhat sore topic around our house at times but at the same time not the fault of anyone. This post and the comments are fantastic. sarah (SHU)https://www.blogger.com/profile/09785177204149427781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-21756765306650864832015-08-12T23:13:41.299-04:002015-08-12T23:13:41.299-04:00She's taking on the NYTimes narrative that wom...She's taking on the NYTimes narrative that women Can't Have it All. It's an upper-middle class coastal white woman thing. It is absolutely a ridiculous narrative. There's also the "career women should always feel guilty" (you can see this in play on Mothers In Medicine here on Ana's blogroll) narrative that she comes out against. I don't really understand where the media gets this stuff, except you know, patriarchy.<br /><br />So a big message is that you don't have to feel guilty about outsourcing. Which comes out a little mangled on her blog sometimes and could potentially be interpreted as it being bad if you don't outsource. I don't think that was a big problem in 168 hours, though I don't remember it that well.<br /><br />One possible difference is that non-academic professionals aren't as used to using cheap undergraduate labor for things like pick-ups and drop-offs. (Though when we last lived in a city and could only get childcare from a place that closed at 5pm, most of the people picking up the other kids at the full-time ending were not parents, so maybe other people have figured that out as well. Plus cities have laundry services and pre-prepared meals etc. etc. etc.) And we have to manage our time ourselves or we don't get tenure-- there's no boss telling us what to do and when to do it. So maybe not everybody uses Pomodoro (or Boice or GTD or etc.).<br /><br />And now my program has crashed again. Gosh darn it. (Big datasets force small breaks!)nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-55516645830145574102015-08-12T22:30:21.160-04:002015-08-12T22:30:21.160-04:00That should be "that we bloggers have been sa...That should be "that we bloggers have been saying for years." Sorry for the confusion. undinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05589384016564587214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-59049660021328272772015-08-12T22:29:37.598-04:002015-08-12T22:29:37.598-04:00I am here via Gwinne's blog, so thank you for ...I am here via Gwinne's blog, so thank you for the review. I find myself agreeing with xyk and nicoleandmaggie, though. It's easy to give advice when you are making that kind of money. Also, I'm perplexed: how is what Laura Vanderkam saying different from what we have all said about time management and productivity? All the points you've all rounded up sound like Common Sense 101 to me and also like things that I have been reading and saying for years. I don't mean to sound negative, so please disregard this comment if it comes across that way. I am just confused about LV's power. undinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05589384016564587214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-38723251112833751002015-08-12T19:04:33.221-04:002015-08-12T19:04:33.221-04:00(A one-sided catfight... After all, I don't ha...(A one-sided catfight... After all, I don't have to post under my professional identity(!))nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-12080245210748563912015-08-12T18:19:26.187-04:002015-08-12T18:19:26.187-04:00@xyk I'm a bit like your colleague at work and...@xyk I'm a bit like your colleague at work and a lot more like you at home. :)<br /><br />The thing is, I really am a lot like LV wants us to be (after subscribing to the LV lifestyle, of course), just not so extreme. If I worked from home 24/7 or had 4 kids and had a husband who was a high-powered lawyer, I might be quite a bit more like her ideal (except for my liberal democrat tendencies and lack of organized religion).<br /><br />I have found my happy point at planning things and love having a day from time to time where I don't plan anything. And to be told that I need to go out for a run or see a sports team or go to church (three things that I would never do even if I were bored stiff, but if I'm being charitable I could sub those with things I would actually want to do)... it's like, just leave me alone! So when I say "is being forced" it's because I said, "I like to have a day free so I don't have to watch the clock and I can do spontaneous things or nothing at all" and she replied that no no, it can be something as simple as meeting someone for a jog etc. And I'm like, but I don't want to have to think about the clock. She's since lightened up a little on that, and I think had a post in which she discovered the joy of sitting on the couch all day from time to time.<br /><br />(Another example, not involving me: her stated belief that kids' play is more creative if they have all their toys out at the same time as if they have a limited number of toys. That's an empirical question, but I seriously doubt it matters either way. And who needs one more thing to worry about? Having the optimal number of toys out when we don't actually know what optimal is? Now, if there were actual research on the subject, it might be worth thinking about. Probably not, but might.)<br /><br />But still, it is ok to have different preferences and different circumstances!<br /><br />This all sounds like a catfight, and it really isn't. It is, as you say, the internet making things sound more extreme. I do check out her gifted blog and comment there on a regular basis. I occasionally read her published stuff on news sites when it's the research-based articles. She's a fine writer (you can see our review of 168 hours, which wasn't news to me, but did a great job explaining a lot of economic concepts in plain English). But no, I only read her blog when someone else links to it these days. I have other things to do with my time. ;)nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-29532565707912797212015-08-12T17:34:13.689-04:002015-08-12T17:34:13.689-04:00I don't even know if it's the criticizing ...<i>I don't even know if it's the criticizing my choices, so much as the not believing me when I say that I know myself.</i><br /><br />I think it is possible that she truly cannot imagine that you could possibly be happy with your choices, because they are so different from what she would choose. I don't think she means to offend, but it<br />I have realized that it is quite possible for people's personalities and preferences to be so far apart that it may be very, very hard for us to imagine that the other type of choice may be exactly what someone needs; so hard, that it's easier to simply conclude the other person must be deluded. <br /><br />I speak from experience. I have a colleague who is nearly my age, but who is so different in personality and preferences that it is very, very hard for us to even work together in spite of complementary expertise, so we eventually gave up. For instance, the colleague is really, really into control and responds to stress by even tighter control over every aspect of daily life, especially minutiae; I think that's insane, or at least would drive me insane, and my response to stress is to drop all the things I can drop and try to refocus on the priorities. When something is a priority, I clear everything to devote myself to it; the colleague always sticks to the chronological set of tasks. My office is cluttered, the colleague's is spotless. I could go on... There were so many differences, all in the same vein, that it was getting simply too stressful to work together. I wanted the colleague to give priority to our joint work, the colleague insisted I get in the queue. And lastly, the different approaches to creative work with students were very different: when a student is stuck, I would clear my afternoon and spend hours if need be with the student on the board until they are unstuck; the colleague would have 30-45 min weekly meetings where progress is reported, if things are stuck there were no solutions offered, nothing technical. <br /><br />This is also a colleague who plans her family's weekend in great detail and also exhibits tight control over her child's extracurriculars. My family has free-form weekends and the kids have a lot of time to do as they please, and the extracurriculars are few in number. The colleague might think I am lazy and an uninvolved parent, I might think the colleague is a control freak. Or perhaps we could both try to be generous and just acknowledge that we are both doing what we want, even though we will never be BFFs. I freely admit it took me a long time and building up my own empathy to get to the point of not feeling judged by the colleague, not because she was necessarily judging me but because I was feeling insecure. Control is, after all, highly praised by many in this society, and is perhaps part of the reason why N&M feels so strongly that the "structure your weekend!" mantra is being forced. <br /><br />(Btw, this was inspired by the N&M post, I didn't imply N&M were feeling judged or insecure. Just some thoughts I had after reading several of the comments.) <br /><br />I guess my point is the following: sometimes, especially on the Internet, you will think that someone is a total freak. It's okay to think that. However, it is entirely possible that you are both perfectly competent adults, it's just that you will never be friends and might be better off avoiding each other completely. That's okay too. xykademiqzhttp://xykademiqz.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-63249181806119494762015-08-12T16:31:54.077-04:002015-08-12T16:31:54.077-04:00I don't even know if it's the criticizing ...I don't even know if it's the criticizing my choices, so much as the not believing me when I say that I know myself. I think we have a post somewhere about how my general starting belief based on my economics training is that people are currently optimizing based on their preferences and constraints. Unless they tell you differently (which they may do by asking or by complaining). But self-help gurus make a living from giving advice on how to fix problems, so they start with the assumption that things aren't working (and sometimes that means creating problems where none previously existed).<br /><br />And, as I've said before, now that DH is working from home, a lot of LV's advice about planning on weekends makes sense for him now because he's not getting the kind of interaction that I get during the week (or he used to get), so he needs do do more things. But I don't telecommute! That's where the research part gets important-- giving general advice based on one (relatively unusual) situation may make things worse for people rather than better.nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-14290189055478314372015-08-12T15:52:43.374-04:002015-08-12T15:52:43.374-04:00yeah, sorry, re-reading my comment, that came acro...yeah, sorry, re-reading my comment, that came across harsher than I meant it. .yes, I guess I am lucky in that particular regard? I have plenty of people telling me my cleaning habits are making me unhappy, but not about my weekends. I know I shouldn't take things personally but it can get to me when someone criticizes my choices, so I get it. Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-78578666093298586382015-08-12T15:48:14.904-04:002015-08-12T15:48:14.904-04:00I don't actually do self-defeating things (exc...I don't actually do self-defeating things (except maybe the cleaning or using amazon a bit quicker than usual when it's a MMM post), I just feel like doing it. Which is annoying.<br /><br />LV has never directed advice to you about how you need to plan your weekends more and not let go after you've said planning more would stress you out? Or come on to your blog to tell you your light-hearted word choice is making you unhappy (when it isn't)? Lucky, I guess? And I guess I don't engage any more either!nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-50583277263478335192015-08-12T15:26:46.575-04:002015-08-12T15:26:46.575-04:00sarah, I did say "capable"---I think tha...sarah, I did say "capable"---I think that covers your situation (either capable in terms of health, or "capable" in terms of your trust in their ability to provide good care)Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-64275691034350138012015-08-12T15:05:33.384-04:002015-08-12T15:05:33.384-04:00For the record we almost never use family childcar...For the record we almost never use family childcare despite living right there. (They aren't retired, and there are health and other issues which prevent us from wanting to ask.)sarah (SHU)https://www.blogger.com/profile/09785177204149427781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-44435656101216619542015-08-12T12:33:42.746-04:002015-08-12T12:33:42.746-04:00I agree that those questions are relevant & ne...I agree that those questions are relevant & need to be addressed, but I don't think LV is the person to tackle that, that's not her mission. <br />Even not reading 168 hours, I feel like I had, since the advice was splashed all over the internet/magazines etc.. when that book came out---to the point where I THOUGHT I'd read the book, since I was so familiar with the quotes & ideas from it! Agree that the idea of thinking in weeks vs. days was the "big idea" of her work and its repeated a lot in this one, I guess so it can stand alone for those who haven't read 168 hours or aren't familiar with her work. Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-52072806828375452622015-08-12T12:30:40.284-04:002015-08-12T12:30:40.284-04:00Hmmm. I guess I've never been angry enough at ...Hmmm. I guess I've never been angry enough at life advice given on the internet to turn to self-defeatist behaviors? I've also never been chewed out in comments before---I probably don't engage if I think that will be the outcome---there's my time/stress management advice! <br />Like I said in the post, not all the advice fit my life or personality. I DO clean more than LV would like, and I'm not going to change that I get grossed out by dirty bathrooms and don't want more mice. I can't afford to outsource much of anything right now. I just ignore that part and move on---there is plenty of advice that I can implement for free (plan fun things, focus on the positive, use 5-10 minutes strategically)Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-28676516648718674412015-08-12T12:25:34.959-04:002015-08-12T12:25:34.959-04:00To OMDG YES. #1, absolutely. I suspect our total h...To OMDG YES. #1, absolutely. I suspect our total household income is similar to yours currently (and not going to jump up dramatically in a few years, either) and there is a LOT I just simply cannot afford that people like LV or all my colleagues who are married to surgeons, advise. 2) yup. same here. and its kind of stupid advice to give---who DOESN"T use grandparent childcare if their parents live in town and are capable of providing it? This is not groundbreaking! and 3) ha ha, yes, but not forever! you'll be back in the <60 hour pool when you're done with training I bet.<br /><br />But your last paragraph is why I DID like the book overall. Like I said, I can easily gloss over what is not pertinent and glean what I can. Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-68924118243400108002015-08-12T12:22:01.579-04:002015-08-12T12:22:01.579-04:00No I totally get what you are saying N&M re: w...No I totally get what you are saying N&M re: what you can afford. Like, we want to get a dog walker or sitter or whatever a couple days/week but that works out to...well a good amount per month. That has to come from somewhere and I don't want it to come from savings because we are only saving 15% of our income. If we were able to save 30%, for example, I wouldn't mind cutting that temporarily to 27% to improve quality of life and relieve stress. But the stress relieved by a dog walker in my case would INCREASE overall money stress due to not saving enough. Those problems go away when you make way way more than you can spend. Anahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00006807775816627217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-18610450629333582212015-08-12T00:08:35.593-04:002015-08-12T00:08:35.593-04:00Man, my comments really suck today. (I gave up on...Man, my comments really suck today. (I gave up on the previous thought and made a blog post that will be heavily edited later!)<br /><br />But I do agree that the narrative sold by the patriarchy/media that working mothers are all exhausted and miserable is incorrect, and that people shouldn't feel guilty about not cleaning their toilets (whether that means someone else cleans them or they get cleaned before becoming a health hazard). So that's a good message.<br /><br />There's also some people who definitely do not want to clean less for greater happiness-- they are in fact, pretty militant about that. I don't get it, but it seems pretty wide-spread (even wandering scientist has incited ire from commenters on the topic(!)). I don't get it, but I also don't think I should impose my values on them if that's what they value (I just don't want to hear about it)-- they get to make different trade-offs. There isn't only one way to be happy. And that's a good thing.<br /><br />It's weird because most of the things LV recommends are things that I *do* already (though not to the extremes--she's told me I'm doing things wrong, not planning every weekend day, not using the right language, etc.). I just don't think that people should have to do them if they have a good reason not to. They're things to try out or to think hard about, but not doing them doesn't mean you're doing things wrong. After being chewed out by LV in comments, I've always felt like going in exactly the opposite direction-- planning weekends even *less*, cleaning the house, etc. even though that makes me less happy than what I had been doing before! It's ridiculous. <br /><br />(I've thought, would I feel the same way if it was Larry Vanderkam telling me I was doing things wrong, and then I realize yes, Mr. Money Moustache is a Mr. and was making me feel like spending on unnecessary luxuries just as much during his my-way-or-the-highway period, whereas miser-mom totally inspires me to be a better steward of resources, so it's not just implicit sexism on my part. So who in the blogosphere inspires me to be a better worker-- I think Ana and OMDG and Xyk and Something Remarkable and by happy coincidence that's everyone who has replied to this post!)nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9219236556397495909.post-47796784054782115442015-08-11T22:41:35.315-04:002015-08-11T22:41:35.315-04:00Didn't add the MMM comparison-- it's easie...Didn't add the MMM comparison-- it's easier for to early retire when you have more than you need rather than the amount you'll need and it's easier to take career jumps that will potentially pay off when you're not worried about saving for the future. Also easier to not pay money on insurance, etc.<br /><br />Even though the two philosophies are exactly the opposite extremes, they both work a lot better when you have a huge amount saved (or a big steady income). Or as sheldon put it: http://www.sheldoncomics.com/archive/090731.html nicoleandmaggiehttp://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com