Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Its a little nuts around here...

Guys, these past few weeks have been unusually busy and its not letting up anytime soon. I just have no energy or desire to put my thoughts down on the page right now. They great thing is that...I don't have to! And since every single other goddamn thing on my list is a "have to" or at least a "really really should do for the long term benefit of my health/children/marriage/carrier" I'm going to put the blog on the back burner for a couple of weeks. I'll be back in October!

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Goodbye Summer

We are all back home and into our routines (sort of). G went last Friday to get the kids, but they couldn't fly out until Monday. So I got a few relaxing/boring days at the beach alone with my parents until the boys joined us Monday night. Wednesday we flew home and Thursday B went to school. Of course while they were away I imagined a glorious reunion with lots of hugs and happiness and patience. The hugs did happen...

While at the beach, the lower back pain that had been bothering me off and on all summer began to more than bother me, and our flight on Wednesday was excruciating. I ended up spending Thursday (when I was supposed to be working from home, with L, since KG doesn't start until the 12th) dealing with this, starting by going to the doctor. She told me she had no idea what the problem was, but prescribed steroids, muscle relaxants, and PT. I went and got the meds, which did help some, though the non-sedating muscle relaxants still made me slightly loopy. I also got the appointment and referral for PT, and found some exercises online to do, which also helped some. I got zero work done that day. I'm feeling antsy because I can't exercise---I need to take two weeks to relax/heal---but it hurts the worst to sit, so I'm just really restless, and spending a lot of time pacing.

So the summer is over. While I definitely had some fun moments, it was overall a string of mild to moderate stressful things happening one after another, all on a background of constant kid whining and fighting and the crescendo of pre-apocalyptic horrific current events. I've been extremely distracted the past couple of months and have been sucked back into non-ideal coping mechanisms (booze, social media). Add to that my sudden increase in clinical duties (I went from 20% to 50% clinical in July) and I completely dropped the ball in prepping for a major grant submission. I am going to have to postpone the submission until the next cycle which sucks, but is also a relief.

I absolutely love early fall. The crisp, cool air renews my energy and clears my head. I'm ready to focus and get things done. I'm actually at work right now, finishing up a poster for a conference I am going to next week, so I will stop here. I have so much to say and hope to find time to write more this week, so stay tuned.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

When you can't breathe...

Soon after I hit post yesterday, I had one of the scariest hours I've experienced. G called me to tell me that water was rising up the driveway in MIL's house and neighbors were going to help them leave, using a KAYAK (!!!!) to navigate the flooded streets to a van waiting nearby that would take them to a family member's home a few miles away.

I gave them about an hour to undertake this mission (and thankfully had a scheduled catch-up phone date with a friend/collaborator) and then began to call. And MIL's phone isn't working. So I called the aunt who's house they were going to---no answer. And then I freaked the fuck out because OMFG. I called my parents, texted my sister, and then had no idea what to do while I waited.

So I turned on a podcast, found a long ignored addictive game on my phone, and opened up some cheese puffs and distracted my way through the hour or so until MIL finally called me (they are completely fine).

Guys, this is so hard. I'm doing the absolutely necessary things at work and home, and trying to exercise/meditate/sleep/eat well, but I've also been spending LOADS of time on social media (including facebook, which has been a good way to keep up with what's going, since I have lots of friends/"friends" near where the kids are and also keep people updated & get support), and overall wasting time and drinking more wine than I should.

I did get a lot of things on my list done, and had thankfully planned a lot of outings for this week, because the last thing I need is MORE time to sit at home & fret. But man, it has not been the least bit relaxing and I'm farther behind then ever at work.

Oh, and please donate to hurricane relief AND (or) efforts to reduce the impacts of climate change. Because we know there is no government looking out for us in any regard at all.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Breathing

They are OK. No flooding in the house as of last night, but its still raining for the foreseeable future and they can't actually LEAVE the house, so hopefully provisions last.

G changed his flights and will hopefully hopefully fingers crossed go on Saturday morning and bring them to the beach Sunday. I am keeping my flights and will go on Friday as scheduled. I can fret on the beach, with my parents, as well as I can fret here.

I'm feeling much calmer today. Got a lot of work stuff crossed off the list this morning which helps with that frantic sense of overwhelm. I skipped my work out and slept in, which I desperately needed, too.

Things that are helping me stay sane: exercise & walking, friends, music & podcasts, G's optimism. Also....wine. Had a very fun evening out with good friend yesterday and it just felt good, though the wine did catch up to me (explains the sleeping in this morning).

Everything is going to be OK.

Monday, August 28, 2017

What was I saying about raining and pouring?

It was a gorgeous weekend here. And instead of relaxing and enjoying it, I spent the weekend in a frenzy of chores and activity to keep my mind off the fact that my children are 1000 miles away from us in a freaking hurricane. 

They are safe and sound and hyped up on sugar and screentime and the sense of adventure. But I'm not going to relax until I hold them again. G was supposed to get them on Thursday and bring them to our beach vacation with my parents this weekend. But I don't think he's going to be able to get in/out of there safely until later this weekend. And there may be another "tropical weather condition" affecting the beach locale. So yeah.

Instead of working on the thing that's due on Thursday I've been reading GoT recaps all over the internet, and refreshing facebook and the weather reports incessantly. Summer 2017 has been kicking my ass from every angle. I sort of want school to start and to get back into our boring, predictable, contained in a 1-mile radius life.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

We left our hearts...

The kids are with MIL for the next 11 days. G and I got home Saturday night after a pretty busy and not-quite-relaxing week with all of us together. I feel like we should REALLY TAKE ADVANTAGE of our kid-free time, and yet, we have nothing major planned.

I feel like I've been given an incredible opportunity that I don't want to squander away.

Things I want to do (other than the usual "catch-up and hopefully get ahead on work" list that is miles long after a week away).
  • Cook a few fancy meals for the two of us
  • Visit 2 summer beer gardens
  • Harvest and do something with the overgrown herbs in the backyard (suggestions for what to do with basil that isn't pesto? How about oregano, sage, and thyme?)
  • Re-organize the boys clothes for the school year and fill any wardrobe holes
  • Massive de-clutter of clothes & toys and give away/donate (i.e. get the hell out of my house) everything
  • 2 outings with friends
  • Use restaurant gift card for low-key dinner out
  • Buy myself some new pants for work (its SO FREEZING in our clinic space that I can't wear my standby of dresses/skirts until I can add tights again, and now that I'm there for full days, its a quality of life issue!) Current pants are all too big! I will keep them for sure, but now I wish I didn't get rid of all my old ones when I gained weight)
  • Try a couple of workout classes: BodyCombat at the gym, beginner yoga, SolidCore  and try some evening workouts too for the days I have to get into work too early to workout
  • Think through some ideas/changes for our new routine this fall. With L starting KG and aftercare, new activity schedules, and my new work schedule, we are going to need to shake-up our mornings/evenings some. I want to streamline dinner so we can actually just PLAY and hang out in the evenings and come up with ways to further decrease the "chore footprint" on the weekends so we can relax
Writing it all out makes it seem pretty ambitious, actually. I'll report back on the 31st.

Friday, August 11, 2017

When it rains it f'ing pours

In the past 10 days we have dealt with:

  • Lice
  • Fleas
  • Basement flooding
  • B getting stitches on  his face (this is happening right now, G took him to urgent care)
All this on the backdrop of the kids constantly fighting and whining, and me doing full days of clinic every other day.

And of course we have to pack our shit up and fly to visit MIL tomorrow morning.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK