Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Getting me Down

I've been feeling a little blah lately and I was trying to figure out why. Turns out, I have good reason. here is a list, in no particular order:

  • Not being able to work out. I miss it. It's one of the few things in my day to day life that is just for me and is actually fun. I just start off the day feeling energized and confident after a good workout. I need to think of some way to re-incorporate some fun (i.e. not indoor elliptical machine at the gym by myself)  physical activity that does not aggravate my back pain.
  • The news. I spend minimal time trying to stay up to date, but even 2 minutes is enough some days to make me doubt humanity.
  • The impending holiday season. I mentioned that I love Halloween because its a holiday that lacks family obligations and drama. Thanksgiving and Christmas are ALL ABOUT obligation and drama. I feel like its all on ME and me alone (because G is completely uninvested) to create some sort of joy and magic and tradition for the next 6 weeks, and its exhausting. 
  • The kids have been in bad moods. Especially L, who is tired in the morning and tired in the evening and I think has reflux (we have his well child in 10 days so I'll discuss a trial of H2 blocker) which makes meals an post-meals quite grumpy (poor guy). But I am over him hitting me and calling me names. Then I yell. Then I don't like myself for yelling. Vicious terrible cycle which is pretty much our everyday lately. I'm not sure when he made it to school today because I left him after 10 minutes of him not putting his coat on, so that B wouldn't be late. (G was getting ready & took him when he was done, but I don't know the timing of all that).
  • G and I haven't really spent much quality time together lately. Its been over a month since we've had a date night, and at home, I either go to bed right after the kids, or we watch TV. 
  • I also haven't had much social interaction lately. I need some quality time with friends every couple of weeks and again, its been about a month. 
  • Our amazing (seriously, best ever in the whole world) dog is getting old and its starting to show. I probably shouldn't have read Lily and the octopus, its making me look at her with a sense of impending loss. We had to get an afternoon walker because she's been having accidents frequently. She is 11ish (we don't know her actual birthday), which is really quite old for a big dog. :(
Thought download over. Next up, how to cheer myself up. 

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Phoning it In

I've written and deleted a few different post ideas for today, so I'm just going to make this a quick and theme-less collection of thoughts.

The recipe for the soup I made this weekend.  I doubled the recipe since I was making 10 servings. I mixed the coconut milk in after blending it, instead of the pretty swirls, and I skipped the lime. Yum. I just had it for lunch.

The boys are trying a new aftercare place for 3 days this week. today is the first day. Its WAY more convenient to our home, which is the huge plus. Also cheaper. But there is no karate, which is why we wouldn't move them full time.

I finished a book: Lily and the Octopus. I was, predictably, crying at the end. but the story itself was not completely predictable. I'm not sure if I recommend it. This reminds me that I need to do a books post again. Next up: Freedom.

One of my goals for this week is to plan out a nice Thanksgiving dinner for the 4 of us. B has already petitioned for pumpkin pie, which I hope to add some kind of chocolate into. I want something that isn't roasted root vegetables for a change. I'll let G handle the meat portion of the meal, as usual.

This is the first day in a LONG time that I'm not seeing patients. I've been decompressing a bit, just taking care of odds and ends, most work-related, some not (I need a new dentist, I need to follow up on why my black pants haven't been delivered when they were shipped 2 weeks ago).

I love love LOVED the finale of Stranger Things 2. I was whooping with joy during the last scene. Cuteness overload. And an implied promise of season 3. We may try Black Mirror next, or just watch old episodes of The Office or The West Wing as a palate cleanser. 


Monday, November 13, 2017

Weekend 11/11...the good/bad/ugly

Forgot to write yesterday so you'll get double posts one day this week, because my goal was 30 in 30.
 
here on a rainy Monday morning, with a hopefully not too negative perspective on the weekend.
 
The Good:
  • Friday night movie night was definitely a win-win. The boys watched Charlotte's Web while G and I had cocktails and conversation.
  • I gave a talk at a CME program my division put on for primary care providers. It went well despite minimal preparation and I got good questions
  • We went to my cousin's house for dinner and it was nice. She lives in the area yet we never see each other, because an hour drive is still a bit much. She is pretty cool and a fantastic cook and this was a good step in trying to establish a closer relationship.
  • I made a big batch of Thai curry butternut squash soup for the neighborhood soup group (6 households take turns making soup and sharing). It turned out perfect, and I've got 3 servings for lunches in the fridge.
  • I tried on all my new clothes/shoes and had many winners! I'm wearing my gray wedge boots today!
The Bad:
  • I didn't get to exercise at all. My back hurt at baseline and I didn't feel comfortable pushing my luck with a run.
  • I overate/drank all weekend
  • The new pizza place was meh.
  • I forgot to plant my bulbs. Its getting pretty late in the season.
The Ugly:


  • The undercurrent to all of this was that the kids were in terrible form all day Saturday and most of Sunday. B just woke up grumpy and complained his way throughout the weekend. L likes to egg him on and there was lots of fighting/hitting. Ugh.
 

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Frivolity

Ummm. Sorry for the depressing, heavy post on a Friday. Shall we talk about clothes?

(click away if you aren't into the topic)

None of my pants fit anymore, literally falling off my hips as I walked around, necessitating constantly pulling them up so I didn't a) step on the hems or b) flash anyone.  I also realized I had  very few winter clothes. I was making do the past few winters, layering cardigans over tanks and tees, but sometimes you just want to wear a pair of pants and a sweater and be done with it.

So I've been doing some shopping. I mentioned I ordered a bunch of stuff and most of it has come in!

The winners were 4 pairs of the extreme stretch Columnist fit mid-rise "barely boot" pants from Express, in SHORT sizes (whoo hoo). Fit straight out of the box and work with flats and low heels, no need to hem! I got 2 kinds of gray, a navy, and black.

I also ordered several different kinds of gray booties, from Nordstrom and Anthro. I've already returned a couple to Anthro, and am debating between the other Anthro and the Nordstrom ones. I have black ankle boots and tan booties, so I think gray will round out my winter shoe needs.

Yesterday the package with OODLES of tops from Loft came in. Loft is really good at certain things, and I've always love their "interesting back" sweaters (pattern, bow, zip in the back of a plain-front sweater so its all "business in the front, party in the back") This season, they've also added in crazy sleeves. I'm not a huge fan of the crazy sleeves. I don't mind a subtle puff or ruffle or bell, but I got a couple of tops that were full-out clown and they are going back.

I realized I hate 3/4 length sleeves. My wrists get cold, and its hard to layer because the sleeves get pushed up to your elbows as you put on a cardigan. Blah. So I'm still working on the tops/sweaters situation.

Last but not least, I am going to buy myself my first ever pair of designer-ish (i.e. not from Express) jeans. I have one pair of Rag and Bone high rise skinny jeans to try on later today. (On sale, Nordstroms, under $100) If those don't work, I'm eyeing a Madewell high rise pair.

Maybe I'll come back and add some (non-affiliate, of course, duh) links but I'm out of time now!




Friday, November 10, 2017

Perspective

I didn't have anything planned to write about today so I'm going with what's on my mind as I sit here post-rounds*.

We were walking into a patient's room this morning when the nurse stopped us and informed us that he had passed away this morning and there was a lot of family at the bedside. We hadn't met the family yet this week, it was a patient whose care our team was peripherally involved in, and we were just checking in today so we could write a formal follow-up note indicating a minor medication adjustment we were making, to tie things up before the weekend. So really, we had no personal relationship to this patient and we knew that the prognosis was poor so it wasn't a complete shock. Yet it still affected us. We were sad, subdued. We took a moment and then went to the next patient on our list, but we walked slowly and didn't talk. I felt like the loss of a life too soon needed to be acknowledged in some way. I never get used to it, and I don't want to.

There is a patient on our service with one family member that is very aggressive. Verbally abusive. Whenever I see this kind of thing, my first thought it "don't you think your loved one would get better care if you weren't scaring and angering the providers caring for her?" But yet, when I dig deeper, I realize that there is likely profound and utter fear underlying this behavior. He can't control the disease that is taking away the life he knew, he can't control the emotions that are overwhelming him, so he tries to control the day to day care, and the minute details, in some hope that this will all make senses somehow. Does he realize he needs to change his behavior, but can't figure out how? I still am glad he wasn't at the bedside today but maybe I am developing some modicum of empathy for him.

Friday afternoon is a always a wild-card. People love to squeak in non-urgent (often B.S.) new consults at 4:30 PM, as if that is more humane than calling on Saturday when you actually have the whole day ahead of you. I am looking forward to my pizza & wine tonight (with the kids watching a movie so we can chill) so so so much.  

*details have been altered, etc...


Thursday, November 9, 2017

thursday Tidbits

  • Tidbits is a funny word. But I don't really care for the word "bullets" right now
  • I went to PT again today and...no bodypump or barre for me for a few more weeks. Its not about the level of impact, its avoiding putting flexion on my spine, which squats apparently do. But I can do a short, non-early-morning run on Sunday if I'm feeling OK. Sigh. Trying to keep this in perspective but it is definitely getting me down.
  • B had been having trouble falling asleep at night, and his constant coming to find us to tell us about it was really messing with my evening relaxation and our couple-TV-time (its almost 9pm by the time we finish bedtime these days and I am done by then. DONE). So I got him a little adjustable book light that clips to his bedrail. We can adjust it so it doesn't bother L, and he reads away until he feels sleepy. I think reading in bed helps him wind down (duh) and also gives us back our evenings. Win win.
  • He's reading through the Magic Treehouse books. But they must be read in order, and the library had 6-9, and then 11-14. I have to hunt down 10. I think I can borrow from a neighbor. I better get on it, because he reads one per night and he'll need #10 on Saturday.
  • Exactly one year ago today was...not a good day. Can you believe its already been a year? that its only been a year? Sigh. 
  • B's teacher stopped me at drop off today to ask how things were going, and told me he seems to love writing. I was surprised to hear that because he complains about writing in his reading journal, but what you like to do in the middle of the school day and what you like to do at 7pm when your brother is playing Legos are obviously not always a perfect match. 
  • I told her that he went on and on about how FUN the math homework on Monday was. So she asked if he said the same about Wednesday's homework. Ummm....he told us he didn't have any, and he hadn't brought anything home. He also said that the teacher took the reading log out of his folder and he didn't have to do it that night...which, apparently also wasn't true. ADHD (and being 7 and having to remember things) is a bitch, but why you gotta lie, kid? just tell us you forgot it so we can start working on systems to help you remember!
  • Two more days of call. Its been the longest week eeeeeeeevvvvveeeerrrrr

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Dinner Delight

We went back to our old ways for this week and batch cooked a big ol' meal on Sunday. Burrito bowls with meat, rice, veg, and various toppings, including store-bought guacamole and salsa. Easily customizable for picky kids and change-able so we are not eating the exact same thing every day. Maybe today I'll throw the fillings in a taco, or on some chips. Even the kids aren't complaining, which is pretty remarkable.

I don't know what the best part is, the fact that the meal is absolutely delicious (seriously, it made my "3 good things" for the past 3 days) or the lovely feeling of coming home and not having to do any dinner prep or clean up other than throwing things in a bowl and heating in a microwave. Yesterday it was pouring rain and cold and late when I came home, and yet I kept myself cheerful knowing that a hot filling meal and PJs was in my very near future. Of course I changed my clothes and heated up my food just as G reminded me I hadn't voted yet, so back into regular clothes and into the rain I went (because of course I'm going to vote), but still.A break from the dinnertime disasters is quite welcome.