Off Kilter

I'm feeling physically and mentally off this week. I saw the psychiatrist on Thursday and she had me increase the P@xil dose, so that may be part of it, but honestly, I was feeling kind of weird before that, too. Maybe I'm just getting back to back minor long-lasting illnesses? Tis the season, after all.

I also think this back injury---and specifically the inability to exercise regularly in my preferred form---has started a vicious cycle of bad habits. Not getting up early to work out leads to variable bedtimes which leads to late night snacking, and also coping with the whole suckiness of the situation in non-optimal ways.  I've gained some weight, stopped meditating (because sitting in any position was painful and distracting), am spending way too much time on social media and games, online shopping, and overall just don't feel completely in control of things.

I keep trying to get up early to catch up on things (home and work) and just keep snoozing. And I can't really stay up much past the kids bedtime, either. I feel like there is so much to do in the next 3 nights. G has really been pulling the weight for both of us these days, and I really hate to leave him in this position for too long, because everyone has their limits.

Where is my easy button?

Its one of those ultra-cold days where my face hurts. Thankfully I had a cancellation and a no-show (because no one apparently wants to leave their house and have their face hurt) so I'm drinking tea and catching up. I can't believe my last post was 13 days ago. I'll blame my annoying upper-to-lower respiratory illness that hit me right after the last post and is STILL lingering, but at least I'm starting to get my energy levels back to normal.

I'm still feeling a bit down in the dumps, despite the glitter and twinkle of the holidays and our impending trip. These things are still going on. And no matter how much I try to give myself a break on the other stuff, I just can't seem to catch one.

Example, that inspired the title of this post: Last Friday. End of a long week, time to relax and get some Fredagsmys going. I was just finishing up patient calls and about to start planning for the next week when I got a call from the aftercare that L had thrown up. So I leave immediately to pick the boys up, and L walks over to me and throws up again. We slowly make our way home and I decide that pizza and movie would be the way to go, and the boys were happy because they adore their screen time!

First of all, we couldn't find a movie they wanted to watch. So we decided they could watch some shows. B got to choose first and L went along with some insipid Mickey Clubhouse Christmas jamboree. Then 22 minutes later when it was L's turn to choose, it became an all out war, because B wouldn't agree to anything. And then there was shouting and hitting. And 20+ minutes of B stomping around, refusing to watch, refusing to do anything else, and refusing to get the hell away from the rest of us who were trying to relax and watch a show (L) or down some cocktails (G and I).

This scenario is repeated in our house over and over again every weekend. Another example: homework. Every day with the freaking homework. Do you know how hard it is to coax a surly kid with ADHD through nearly an hour of homework daily  (math sheet, science packet section, 20 minutes of reading + writing sentences about said reading)? Its fucking hard, especially when there is also another kid that needs to do his daily reading (its a 5 page beginner book but it takes him a while to sound out the words and he  likes to practice over and over which I am certainly trying to encourage). Oh and the daily shit-show that is dinner and making them eat their veggies and L to take his medicine. And that is BEFORE doing teeth and baths which they also complain about and fight through EVERY. SINGLE. TIME as if its brand new that yes they have to brush ALL their teeth every day and wash their bodies once in a while! So for fucks sake when Friday rolls around I just want them to watch a goddamn movie and leave me the fuck alone for 90 minutes.

Sigh. There is also more than the usual BS going on at work and I"m still having the back pain and can't do much to work out and I'm sure that is all contributing to my attitude. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow where I was initially going to discuss weaning OFF the SSRI but now I"m thinking I may need something stronger. I better hit post before I start ranting again...

Happy December

I'm feeling very positive today. Its a new month, the weather is lovely, its Friday and we have fun stuff and downtime planned for the weekend. We have what feels like an extra-long holiday season ahead of us and I'm getting into the festive spirit. I did my monthly planning yesterday & also bought a 2018 planner (same Minimalist one, I like it).

Weekend plans:
Friday night: pizza and screen time for the kids. Give them the Lego advent calendar my parents bought them

Saturday: barre class in AM, karate belt ceremony (yellow for L, blue for B), take L to buy B's Birthday and Christmas gifts, date night!

Sunday: make/hang wreath and put lights outside (I bought a string of solar powered LED bulbs to put in the window boxes), take B to see Coco (L says it'll be "too scary" for him), make big pot of soup (suggestions welcome---last week it was a green lentil stew).

I do kind of want the work day to be done. Its only 3:30 but I've been laser focused for 7.5 hours and I'm feeling a bit done. But my schedule says otherwise so off I go to peruse some data and read some articles.