Letdown

First, a quick update on the breastfeeding saga. Things are getting a bit better. Turns out I've created an enormous oversupply by all the pumping (40+ ounces a day!) and babies do not like having firehoses of milk gushed into their gullets. Huh. Damned if you do (have milk) damned if you don't. So I'm working on that by NOT pumping so frequently and have subsequently developed clogged ducts which I need to relieve by...pumping. Some might call it a vicious cycle. Keeping at it, though, because I love me a challenge. And this is one the biggest challenges yet.

I think I've made it through the "baby blues" emotional rollercoaster from hell. I am no longer crying rivers several times a day. But I'm left a bit empty-feeling. I believe a lot of it is the sleep deprivation catching up to me. LB is taking after BB in the not sleeping camp, getting up around 3:30-4 and grunting/crying/fussing for a couple of hours after that. So, yeah. 3:30-5:30 AM are spent walking the floors with a fusspot crankypants. Of course by the time I get back to sleep, its about time for his next feeding, and then BB wakes up and the day just needs to get rolling. I have had a hard time staying awake past dinner these days, and the thought of months more of this is just so...defeating.

The other contributor to my blah state is quite obviously the weather.   The lovely Indian summer of 2 weeks ago has suddenly changed to the "wintry mix" keeping us holed up all day today. It's made me realize how NOT ready I am for winter yet! Cold, grey days after long, frustrating nights do not add up to a happy me. Again, the thought of months more of this...

I am very much in need of some non-familial conversation & socialization. I'm trying to get some work-friends together for lunch next week but finding the scheduling difficult because they are...working. Crazy, right? I had a dinner planned with a friend tonight but she's lost her motivation due to cranky kids & the icky weather. We may still get together for a drink at her place at least. Anytime I get someone to chat with I've been talking a mile a minute & over-sharing like nuts. So not like me. I just need to get things out of my system after behaving myself all day everyday with a challenging toddler and even more challenging mother-in-law on 3-4 hours of sleep (more on THAT situation later). Yeah, I guess I COULD blog about it, but putting thoughts into readable words is really hard (it took me 8 tries to get THAT sentence down...and it STILL doesn't make any sense!)

OK. Time to pump again, my right breast is screaming.