2012 Intentions: 3rd quarter results. F-it-all-edition

Yeah. Self-improvement? For the birds.

On-call etc...

Another call weekend. These seem to get tougher over time instead of easier, probably because both boys are sick this weekend (and consequently, L is sleeping poorly). I've got to admit its likely tougher on G, dealing solo with both boys all day (I didn't get home until 4 yesterday, today it is 1pm and I'm eating lunch while the fellow gathers information on a couple of new consults, so I'll be here at least another hour).

We are required to start rounds at 7:45 AM because the residents have to go home; in the past, we started at 9, and it was SO MUCH BETTER. You'd think we get out earlier by starting earlier but that has not proven to be the case. Sit down rounds with post-call & on-call resident take about an hour, and then the fellow and I round on the inpatient team, see follow-up consults, and then tackle new consults. So one extra hour to our day from addition of sit-down rounds, and then extra time for overall greater volume of inpatients and of new consults due to asinine protocols for checking labs you have no idea how to a) order correctly and b) interpret.

If you're still reading, btw, thanks again for the great advice and support on my "falling behind" issues. I liked the idea of picking one thing to add back and making it happen. Problem: I can't decide what to pick ;) I feel like I SHOULD say "exercise", but, you know, urgh.

The other major problem is a profound lack of motivation. I've read a lot lately that one may have a finite supply of willpower or decision-making capacity. I think I use all mine up (and then some) trying not to lose my ever-loving sh&t at my suddenly completely insane 2.5 year old. Thus, the well is generally dry by 9 am. So...yeah. I guess its good I start so early on call days so I can avoid all that nonsense and save my willpower for dealing with difficult patients.

Falling short

You know when you look in the mirror and you get a little twinge of dismay, because how you look in real life is just slightly...off...from how you imagine yourself in your head?

I've been feeling that way about my life lately. My reality just isn't living up to how I envision myself in my head. How do I picture myself? Hard-working, successful, organized, physically active & fit, creative, social, and eking all I can out of each day. What my days have been like lately? Falling behind at work, disorganized to the point of missing deadlines and misplacing important items, haven't exercised in MONTHS, much less sewed/baked/etc.., isolated &  blowing off any opportunities to meet new people, and feeling like I'm frittering away the limited free time I do have. I trudge through the workday and the dinner/bed routine and then stay up for hours surfing the internet or watching TV with a glass (or two) of wine. I can't even bring myself to read a book. I tell myself the most productive use of time would probably be going to bed early so I can get up refreshed and energized in the morning, but I seem stuck...

I need some way to motivate myself, because I know that when I DO accomplish these things, I feel so much better about myself.

Ideas? 

Ache-y Break-y

thank you thank you thank you everyone for your advice and support on my  last post. You guys are the best. And so helpful. I'm definitely going to try to continue nursing at home, though the problem is mostly that L isn't interested.so we'll see how it goes. I definitely think my pump needs upgrading, but figuring he was 11 months old I didn't feel like shelling out $300 for a  new one (new tubing/flanges/etc... didn't help increase the suck-i-ness, so I called and they said it may be the motor---i.e. you need to buy a whole new pump).

So I am officially not pumping anymore. My body didn't quite get the message, so I'm a bit...ache-y today. Hopefully ache-y doesn't lead to explode-y. It was definitely gradual, but after a full week of vacation barely nursing at all I figured a work day would be no problem. Somehow, however, being at work seems to have turned the production back on a bit.

I had a bit of a forced break from social media last week. We were away on a long anticipated beach vacation with my family. Fun in the sun for all---except Ana who was holed away in misery suffering through "presumed viral meningitis". Yup.  At  least the kids had fun, right? Right? As much as I hated missing out, I was thankful it happened when there were grandparents around to help G and I didn't have to painfully extract myself from bed to change a diaper or calm a tantrum.

So now that I'm not pumping, I get an extra hour or so to my day (50-ish minutes pumping plus 10 minutes washing/drying). I'm going to use that time to work, blog, and organize our house because it suddenly has hit a level of tear-my-hair-out clutter and chaos. I already put a bunch of toys on the street for people to take because our 'hood is ghetto like that. Plus I'm lazy.

I just interviewed a research tech candidate. She was really good, personable, sweet and interested. I think I might hire her...my first employee! Hopefully this can be a catalyst for me to get off my a&s and get stuff started in my own little space!

I've been really really exhausted the past few months, and I can't completely blame it on the kids. So I've decided to be extra diligent about clocking at least 7 hours of sleep/night, drinking several glasses of water,  avoiding junk food & random weekend "day drinking" to see if I can up my energy a bit. The next step is exercise, but I need to muster up enough get-up-and-go to actually do that. If all that doesn't work? I don't know. Stimulants?

This post turned into a bunch of tangentially related updates, and here I was going for a theme. Maybe next time.