2012

Hello (if anyone is indeed still listening!) Sorry I disappeared for a while. Life was complicated and shitty and I really needed a break from pretty much everything. Things have stabilized and I'm very excited to be back.

Last year I did a "year in review" for 2011. Good god a lot happened that year...I got pregnant and had my second child, got a faculty job, and earned a masters. In contrast, nothing of great note happened this year. In fact, on thinking back over the last 12 months, the time was mostly defined by how much L was or wasn't sleeping. Fascinating stuff, ya'll. (If you care, he's sleeping like shit right now, goes to show that my smugness re: sleep training was a bit premature...wait for n=at least 2 before you go spouting off about your parenting success).

I started off the year with lofty intentions. It came from a reasonable place...wanting to exert more control over my life and my happiness. And things were really going well for a while...until they weren't. And while I have been accused of being harsh on myself, I honestly didn't really care.

Which brings me to this year. I'm going in with a very different mindset. I've surrendered. Life with two kids and a career is really fucking hard. And so far its not a matter of "but when he's sleeping better" (yeah, when will that be?) or "when he's x years old". No, things are not magically getting easier...each phase is bringing new and exhausting challenges and we are barely keeping our heads above water.

Yes, I want to be healthy. I want to have a strong marriage and friendships, to work on my career and even on some hobbies. But really, right now, I am going day to day and just doing the best I can. And that's OK. There is a deep and faint...but definitely present...satisfaction to simply making it through the day. Every day I am being a mother. A wife. A scientist and a physician. A colleague and a boss. A daughter, sister, friend. I am doing things that make a difference to someone. Every day.

Thus, I am not going to set up impossible standards for myself this year, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that even modest seemingly do-able goals are, in fact, impossible for me these days. I've definitely got some lifestyle changes in mind---for our whole family---and coming off a really chaotic few weeks of sickness, injury, and travel, this does turn out to be a good time to start them (more on that later). But its coming from a different place this time. Its about us...us...being healthier and having more fun, not about changing myself into this idealized vision of uber-career-mother-wife-person. While I am still a great fan of self-improvement in the abstract, I am sitting out this season. I don't need to be better. I'm pretty damn good as I am (if I do say so myself). ;)

Happy New Year! May 2013 bring amazing things to all.

Safety

Yesterday morning I watched (shrieking helplessly and un-helpful-y) as L tumbled down the stairs to our basement. The door was left open to let the dog up behind me, and I only turned my back for a second. He cried less than I did, and was back to his regularly scheduled antics after a quick cuddle and some kisses from big brother.

G and I discussed getting a baby gate for that entry way. Its not that hard to to do, and you know, just in case.

At our noon conference at work, we discussed an article showing a weak (really really weak) association between BPA levels and certain health risks. After tearing the paper apart, most of us in the room admitted that we did go for the BPA-free products for our children. In fact our specialty's organization was pushing for a government ban on BPA in food packaging. It may not help at all, but you know, just in case.

Many people say banning assault weapons will not stop gun violence. That people with evil intent will find a way. That the statistics that show (pretty convincingly to me) that countries with stricter bans have less gun-related fatalities are not applicable here.

But I figured I'd make my voice heard doing this. And this. And this. It wasn't that hard. And you know, just in case.