I can't pinpoint a reason, but I've been feeling exceedingly and increasingly anxious and down the past couple of weeks. Everyone is healthy, we've had some fun times, and even have some more fun times to look forward to this weekend. Yet there it is, that tightness in my chest and churning in my stomach.
It's a mix of things, I suppose. Work has gotten busy and annoying on all fronts. Stupid IRB. Stupid schedulers. And sometimes, yes, stupid patients that call all the damn time for stupid things. I have a call week and weekend starting Monday. I HATE call weekends with a passion. Rounding on patients and families for 6-8 hours and then coming home and having to immediately take over with the kids--not a good set-up for an introvert.
Then there is the extra special fun of a 3 year old and a 2 year old. Tantrums everywhere, hitting/bad words, time outs, picky eating, sibling rivalry, sleep disruptions galore, and simply lots and lots of patience needed. Sometimes more patience than I can draw from my well. All compounded by that underlying knowledge that its going so fast, and these days will never come back.
We are going back and forth on re-financing the house. Which brings to the forefront money and financial stress. And all the things we need to get figured out before we get an appraisal---all of which represent--of course--time or money.
Tensions continue on the marriage front. For all the good intentions, I'm not the least bit surprised to report that we've sunk back into our status quo of quibbling and bickering, me holding things in, and retreating to our separate spaces every evening. The more stressed I get about it, the harder it is to bring up, the more I retreat. The cycle has begun again.
The approaching holidays, as usual, bring the anxiety of disappointing one set of grandparents (and likely two, because its never enough, is it?). Trying to diplomatically plan travel (more time and $$$), B's birthday celebrations, etc...
And I still haven't gotten any Halloween candy.