- Insomnia is THE WORST. I've been tired for all sorts of reasons, and the one thing that keeps me going is the thought of sweet sweet sleep at the end of the day. Except with insomnia, I've got the thought of yet another night tossing and turning despite being so tired you want to throw up.
- My mother-in-law is here. This is the end of day 6 of 21. Her being here makes me so anxious for so many reasons. Ugh. Its not even like I get all this free time to do other things because I've either been busy with work or I don't actually have anything fun to do.
- I'm sure those two are related.
- We did plan a night away NEXT weekend. We booked a car and a night at a dog-friendly hotel (so we don't also have to find & pay a dog-sitter). The kids will get almost 2 full days of being totally and completely spoiled rotten with sugar and screen time.
- Hopefully the time away will give G and I a chance to talk about several issues we just haven't had the time/energy to discuss despite living in the same damn house. Including the 25th time we discuss WHY we don't make time to talk/energy to talk to each other.
- This weekend we have: saturday: Karate for B, birthday party for L and sunday: swimming for B, science museum for all (except me, since we only have 4 passes in our membership I'll stay home and cook & clean whoo!). And its going to be cold. I'm not super looking forward to it.
- I really need some friends. I have no one to complain to/bond with over all this crap. Also no one to do fun things with that isn't my immediate family. If there is anything I miss about being younger, its having a handful or more of good friends.
- I don't think I'm as much of an introvert as I thought I was. I just need some quiet time at home once in a while, and I
don't loveam terrified of meeting new people or small talk. I very much like and NEED interaction with people I feel comfortable with. I HATE that I work in an office all by myself and can go days without talking to anyone, and have no one to commiserate or celebrate with over the day to day things or the big life-changing things. Its very isolating. I miss the cameraderie of working in the lab. I wonder how much my success during that time was driven simply by being happy where I was. - Its surprisingly easy not to buy things that I don't need. I have spent $0 on material things for myself in 2015. Its near impossible to get costs down on our needs, though. Our grocery bill is astounding and I have no idea how to fix it without spending a lot of time going to various stores or inventing new recipes. G and I are at loggerheads about the cell phone plan (he wants to keep the fancy expensive one). Its not HARD but its miserable not to spend on experiences that aren't needs but are wants---eating food outside the home, activities for kids, travel. We are continuously having to tweak our budget and less goes into savings than I plan each month because we spend it all.
- Reading about certain things still causes intense feelings: third pregnancies, nursing babies. I try to tread lightly but I can't help it, once I notice it, its too late. (feelings such as: jealousy, inadequacy, regret)
Friday, March 27, 2015
Friday Thoughts
Whoa is me edition. In bullets for easier consumption
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Dear Ana. I feel like shit today too. Maybe it's the weather? I can SO relate to what you're saying. It was SUPPOSED TO BE SPRING BY NOW. Goddamit.
ReplyDeleteI wish you lived in my area, _I_ need an adult friend to kvetch with and do fun things with too... not that I really remember what fun is most days, but...
ReplyDeleteI also wish you lived in my area. I think we would be fast friends. ;)
ReplyDeleteUm, why is MIL there for fully 21 weeks?! That is almost half a year!!! Is she staying at your house?!?! OMG I'm panicking for you.
I hear you on the budget, though I clearly struggle more with not buying myself material things. I went WAAAAAY over budget in pretty much every area this month and now I have to sit down and decide what can stay and what had to go. Like you said, it's possible to forgo the experiences but it makes me miserable. I guess I just need to change my perspective (I have NO IDEA how to do that by the way.)
I'm so sorry about the insomnia. That is quite literally the worst. I've only suffered from it a few times but those few times were traumatic enough that I'm terrified of it happening again. I hope you get relief too.
Also, ditto the whole paragraph about talking to your husband. Every. Last. Word.
It's 21 days! Phew..
DeleteVirtual *hug*
ReplyDeleteAnd WAY TO GO not buying things you don't need! That's awesome! Re: the grocery bill, I suggest getting "Faster! I'm starving!" by Kevin and Nancy Mills and just going through it. Cheap fast easy family-friendly recipes.
Also another virtual *hug*.
I'm sorry for the insomnia.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally hear you on those third baby feelings...I have them too, even though I don't actively want another baby.
I am so much like you on the introvert/extravert thing. I always thought I was so introverted, but nie that I'm alone in my office most of the day I find I really need more human interaction. I get nervous talking to new people, but that doesn't mean I don't like socializing. Just not with strangers.
ReplyDeletedon't you think you should move to miami? would solve the friend problem and the weather problem :)
ReplyDeleteaghghgh on a lot of these. i'm sorry about the in law situation. I'm hoping it will at least give you and G some space occasionally!
i need more friends too. especially ones that feel true/real. it's such a slow process.
I hate insomnia too. I particularly hate falling asleep on the couch at 8.00pm because I'm exhausted and then being unable to get back to sleep at 3am after baby.
ReplyDeleteAnd third baby - yes. I've booked to see the psychologist I saw when I was pregnant because I need to find some peace about the way things have turned out there.
The Budgets are Sexy blog just had a funny 'debate' about people's grocery spending. Might be worth checking out so you can either 1) find out if your grocery spending is average for your household size or 2) get ideas on how to reduce spending.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think my husband and I don't talk enough, then I realize it's just that he talks a lot about things he's interested in while I tend to talk about the kids way too much. I do have good friends and acquaintances I can vent to on a regular basis, so that does help a lot and probably places less expectations on my husband in terms of companionship.
Thanks, I checked out the grocery spending debate. We are on "the other side" with the higher monthly costs. I have several thoughts about why that is, I'll have to write about that separately soon.
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