I know how I spend my time---there would be no earth-shattering breakthroughs to come of carefully documenting it. I know when I'm being productive and when I'm being lazy and how much I exercise and how much I sleep and commute and waste on my phone. Its not that I don't know. Its just hard to change your natural inclinations sometimes.
Overall its been a good week on all fronts, except the sleeping (mine). But I'm ready for the weekend. It promises to be a nice and low-key one. We have plans to be outside tomorrow morning, then come home and start to work on the DeathStar pinata for L's birthday. B and I will go grocery shopping because he helped me with the meal plan and wants to participate in the purchasing of food. Maybe he'll help me put our casserole together Sunday? We should probably get L a birthday present. Its cooling down, finally and yet suddenly, so I need to hunt for sweaters and pants.
I got bleach on my most favorite dress this afternoon, working in the lab. I even wore a lab coat, but it didn't cover the bottom of my dress. They do not sell this dress anymore, even though I just bought it in May (and I probably wore it 20 times since then...its really truly my fave). I spent more time than I should have researching how to fix it and ended up buying a fabric marker on Amazon.
I am definitely in a better place than I was a few months ago, and I'm grateful for that. But I'm also ready to be done with the medication (and the side effects). 6 months? 12 months? I don't want to rock the boat, but I can't not sleep (and other annoying stuff) forever. I think the key will be to fully develop my OTHER coping mechanisms over the next few months. I'm on an eleven day streak of meditating! Only 5-10 minutes/day, and not every day does it really even seem to "work" (i.e. I am able to stop thinking and really focus on my breathing for a few minutes at a time). I tell myself its a "practice" so I need to practice. And one day it'll click.
I'm telling myself the same thing about work. Some days are awesome and I'm able to dive in and get excited and write and think and plan and execute. And others...meh. But I make myself keep trying, because the good days do seem to more frequent than the not-so-good, and the start-up energy required may be slightly decreasing...maybe.
I have a plan next week for more writing here, and hopefully it will happen. Have a great weekend!