Shadows

I was going to write yesterday, and then hesitated, because I felt like a bit of a fraud. What do I mean? Well, after my perfectly well-adjusted non-therapy-needing post last week, this weekend was a bit of a...backslide. I was sad, and anxious, and uncertain, and things were really getting to me. I still feel that way somewhat, but that is part of real life. And real life is what I'm trying to sell here, so I may as well write anyways!

Mother's Day was, as usual, mostly OK. G had the kids make cards, and he cooked a yummy brunch with mimosas.  I did sort of feel like it was MIL's day, with me as the runner up. Also there were lots of little MIL-related-stressors going on, the usual (and I don't feel like reliving it all to write about it), but still annoying. B's been back in his "I hate school" mode, which is always really stressful for us, because we start wondering if something is going on (there isn't, as far as I can tell) or if he's just prone to having a bad attitude (seems pretty likely), and how do we help him or if we can't help him, how do we cope? I did a barre class. It was OK. The thing I don't like about barre is that its pretty slow-paced and repetitive, so I have lots of time to think. Not a great choice when I'm already brooding.

People (well a few people) keep asking me about our summer travel plans.  I tell them we are going to visit both sets of family, including a family beach trip with my parents, some time with my sister, a week in MIL-city perhaps with another nearby beach trip. But they want something more interesting. Is it a given to travel somewhere new every summer? It seems to me like an enormous luxury! MIL has also been harping on "us all" going on some kind of trip.

The weird thing  is that I don't even WANT to go anywhere. Its not only a matter of money or mother-in-laws, I just feel like laying low. The kids are pretty good travelers at this point, so its not about that. The drive to explore and get out of the routine just isn't there for me right now. On the contrary, I feel like really sinking into the routine, being present and in the moment and savoring our lazy weekends in the backyard or the school playground. I want to cook, and exercise, and read. I want to take the kids to the splash parks and ice cream shops, have friends over for cook-outs, and try out some new family friendly eateries in our neighborhood.

Then this winter, we will fly somewhere warm. That's the plan.