Nodding my head like yeah...

L has been really into this horrible Kidz Bop pop music lately (school! damn the "indoor recess dance party") so my head is overflowing with the cheesiest ear worm beats and lyrics.

I've been in quite a funk lately. I'm acknowledging it here as the first step to climbing my way out. Nothing actually has happened, its just that all the little things this time of year take on extra poignancy and weight. The end of the school year, another year of my life, my marriage, my motherhood. Its all getting shorter. Its a weird mix of wanting to take it all in and really LIVE IT and yet being too raw to really engage, so I distract and dissociate.

Another birthday coming up and why do I struggle with all the same things? I cope with eating and drinking and scrolling too much. And then I feel bad about myself for the time lost and the weight gained. The vicious cycle of my life.

ANYWAYS. As I tell my kids...time to turn it around. Positive thinking.

A short list of small things making me happy these days:

• Spindrift sparking water. Cucumber is the best but harder to find in stores. The orange mango is my second fave. Not a huge fan of the berry flavor.
• the NYT crossword. I do it every day for a break at lunch time. I can easily finish M-W, it gets trickier after that. I also do the weekend ones, which take at least 30 minutes. It sort of fulfills that "gaming" urge but is limited--you either finish or you give up--so isn't as much of a dangerous time suck.
• Puzzles. The kids and I have taken over the coffee table for 1000 piece puzzles. We work on them little bits at a time and start a new one when we are done. Its a nice break.
• The West Wing Weekly podcast. I still adore it and it just makes me happy to listen to those guys banter and riff off each other and try to out pun and dad-joke each other. I've been s loving the recent live events with special guests. 

I will try to incorporate all 4 of these into my day today.