Better Than The Alternative?

Turns out I have osteoarthritis in my thumb. I though I had just "hurt something" but eventually got an Xray since its been going on for months and there it is. Osteophytes. So its only going to get worse over time and I have to go back to texting with my index finger like an old lady.

Which I apparently am because I think I'm in (peri?)menopause! I stopped my hormonal BC this July and have not had a real period since. My other thought is that my rather mild (discovered during IF workup) PCOS has worsened with my recent weight gain. So I'm going to start with trying to losing said weight, and see if my period returns. By then it'll time for my annual exam and I can ask for labs.

Which leads me back to therapy, and how I deal with my emotions with food & alcohol and that I need to get more comfortable with discomfort so that I can break those patterns and move on. I'm frustrated that I haven't figured this out by now, but turns out I wasn't taught a damn thing about dealing with emotions as a child, so here I am. The goal is to put some space between my feelings and my immediate need to make them go away. So that I can figure out what it is I really need. Which probably isn't more chips or wine.

I did a BeachBody workout this morning after more than a week off and it was a struggle! I also did push ups for the first time in a couple months (I was trying to keep pressure off my achy shoulder) and I could barely do 10 on my toes. Welp. It sucks that my hard-earned strength is so easily lost but I'm going to commit to doing this exact workout (21 day fix, upper fix) once/week so I can build back up.

On a positive note, we (the whole fam) went and saw Hamilton this weekend and it was amazing! G & I saw it in NY last year but we decided to take the kids, and I was pleasantly surprised at how well they behaved & how much they enjoyed it (after last year's Lion King fiasco). B was rapt the entire time, and is begging to go back one day. L got really squirmy and said it was "great...but too long" and I had a lot of stress trying to keep him from accidentally kicking the seat of the guy in front of us who kept turning around & admonishing him during the first act. Maybe because of that, but I enjoyed the second half much more this time. So many tears.

The first show of our Broadway subscription is this week, too, and I'm really excited to see Come From Away with G. Though I'm taking the train back into town from a meeting and will barely be able to drop my stuff off and grab a slice of pizza before we have to be at the theater. I love theater.

Last but not least---I got myself out of a reading rut with 2 enjoyable books this week. I read "The Other Americans" by Leila Lamini. It was sad, and quiet, had a bit of drama/tension, and touched on a lot of tough topics in a very gentle not-in-your-face way. It was a short read, and the character development wasn't as deep, unfortunately. I'm still not sure if I like any of the characters, but maybe that's the point? I'd like to read more by her.

The second was pure fluff teenage romance---"What If its Us" by Becky Albertalli (of "Simon vs...") and Adam Silvera (who is new to me). "Simon" is one of my favorite books ever, and this had a similar vibe. Like Dawson's Creek in written form, the characters are so precocious and self-aware for their age! But the romance was beautiful, I'm a sucker for "first love" stories. It reminded me a lot of "Eleanor and Park" by Rainbow Rowell. I stayed up way too late Sunday night with this one, because it just made me happy to keep reading.

Now I have no e-books left for a bit, so I'll actually have to pick up a real book & turn my own pages like a sucker. The next e-book up on my Overdrive holds list is still 2 weeks away. (#librarypeopleproblems)