Progress

 Happy Inauguration Day!!!!

I had an all day leadership seminar that got cancelled, I feel like I got a gift of time so that I can catch up on work, watch the inauguration with the rest of my family, and just generally take a breath.

I didn't post about goals this year, because I didn't really make any. I just want to continue making progress on the things I'm working on, and keep up the good work on the things I've got under control.

Working on:

-Unplugging in the evening

-Not eating/drinking after dinner (its Pavlovian, if I sit down to watch ANYTHING after 9 pm, I feel the NEED for a drink or snack. I can avoid it by just going to bed, but sometimes I want to stay up!)

-Meditation habit 

Got down:

-Getting outside

-Exercising 

-Writing in 5-year journal (I had to buy a new one, cuz I started in 2016! There are some stretches I completely skipped for some years, but since 2020 I've been consistent)

Per my therapist, the only thing I need to work on is pausing, breathing, and being in the moment. I think a lot of the above is related to that general theme---being present, doing one thing at a time (i.e. watching a show and enjoying that without needing a snack), pausing and thinking before I react.

I feel like I have one big fatal flow---the frequent need to be distracted from my life---and if I could figure that out, I'd be golden. But of course it can't be that simple? 

Showing Up

I've had so many reminders this week that how I show up to things makes a huge difference in how it goes---for myself and others. Tough things tend to go better when I intentionally decide the energy I am bringing---kids' homework, difficult patients, team meetings, even early morning workouts. 

Its something I discussed with my therapist yesterday re: the kids' homework (omg, its killing us all, why why WHY do they have to get so much to do????) and with my leadership coach today re: team meetings (with many challenging personalities). 

I come into the homework every evening tired from the day and just wanting to be DONE and so I nag and push them to go faster and am constantly irritated that they aren't moving at MY pace. Yes, they do need some parental guidance and supervision to get it all done---they got very poor grades on their last report card--they definitely are not able to navigate it if left to themselves. I need to take a moment after the work day to change clothes, make a plan for the next day, have a snack if I'm hangry, and then leave behind any expectations or time pressure on how things are going to proceed. 

I rush into our weekly team meetings right after a half-day of patients, hungry, thirsty, frazzled and my hair and face a mess after wearing PPE. So I'm not ready to put on my "leader" hat, and I flounder and the meeting loses track. I need to take a few minutes to compose myself, fix my physical appearance, have some water and a snack, and go over the agenda. I may have to suggest pushing back the time a few minutes so I can do this, but I think we will finish earlier if I am more able to take charge. 

Its not a perfect answer---homework time will probably always suck, and people will go off-topic at meetings---but its the one thing I can actually control.  Now its just remembering to DO it, ha! 

The Good

Overall pretty blah weekend full of work and chores, and some bad news from extended family, but did have some highlights:

• FIREPIT! We finally got the backyard firepit we ordered last fall, and had a great night roasting marshmallows and just sitting around, chatting. I suspect we'll be using it often, thankfully we found a wood delivery service that sells it much cheaper than the grocery store

• Dumbbells. G and I are doing LIIFT4, which I LOVE, but limited by the fact that the heaviest weights we have are 15 pounds. We actually only have: 2, 8, 12, and 15 lb weights.  We've been searching for MONTHS, and I finally found some online and ordered 10, 20, 25, 30, and 35 lb sets. Hopefully they are shipped soon

• Family run. We took over an hour to go 3 miles, what with all the stopping, playing, fighting, but I got a nice interval workout in, and lots of sun & togetherness

• Reading: I finished the Penelopiad---how have a never read this before? Its hilarious and maddening, and a very short book.

• Takeout night of Thai food. I am so happy my kids like this, and we have a fantastic place just 3 blocks away (though we are lazy and get it delivered usually)

Busy day, back to it. Hope ya'll are OK.

Surreal

 I...honestly I can't say I'm surprised (you start a fire, you expect things to burn), but I am horrified by recent events. I'm really not in the frame of mind to talk about my "process goals" so I'll put that off for a bit.

On the good news front: all I wanted for Christmas was my vaccine and the senate. And I got them in the span of 48 hours! I should maybe have been more specific...maybe "and please not an attempted coup"?

The kids continue to struggle mightily with virtual school, and we in turn have hopped back on the struggle bus of trying to keep track of their assignments and encourage them to do them, in the face of their rotten attitudes, back-talk, and general recalcitrance. 

I did/do feel a little refreshed on the work front. Everything isn't so dreadful and exhausting, so I know the break was much needed and helpful. I'm sure this feeling will wear off soon enough, but I'm riding with it, trying to keep on top of stuff and feel good about the work I'm doing. 

Anyways. Hoping to never have to talk about "unprecedented times" and "dark days in American history" in reference to the current day again.