I've been absent for a while. Completely thrown off my tracks by L's sudden decision 2 weeks ago (at about 3 months of age) that sleep was, like, so 2011. My longest stretch of sleep for the past few nights is 1.5 hours. Interspersed with nursing and than screeching. Rocking/walking/shushing. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I just looked over my "Intentions" for the year---hah! Self-improvement is certainly NOT at the top of the hierarchy of needs! Connect with G? How about vicious snapping in the middle of the night because he fell asleep without changing a diaper? Daily exercise? Anything above & beyond the bare minimum at work? Forget it.
I am coining a new term for my attitude: slangry. Like "hangry" but for sleep.
I realize now how important L's dreamily beautiful sleeping patterns were to my feelings towards him. B didn't sleep for the first 6 months of his life. I was exhausted & miserable. I loved him, yes, but often I did not LIKE him. I may sound like a monster, but I'm just not the best parent when I'm severely sleep-deprived. I'm also not the best wife/friend/worker/etc... I hear/read a lot of people who've had even worse sleeping issues (for years, even!) and am amazed at their good attitude despite it all. They just must be better people than I!
We are trying some things. I'll be back when/if they work.
It's going to get better. I am a complete bitch when I am sleep deprived, but at least I'm still marginally competent to get things done, and don't throw a fit when I realize I need to do more stuff before I can try to go to sleep (ahem, last several nights.... AHEM). You don't sound like a monster, just someone who is very very tired. Wishing you more restful nights in your not too distant future.
ReplyDeleteYes, I keep reminding myself that this is but a blip in time. Again, congrats to you...enjoy your new girl!!
DeleteOh man. It is HARD. I know exactly what you mean about the loving but not liking as g was a terrible sleeper and a colicky mess and I am truly petrified of going back to those early months. I hope that you can find something that works because it's a major accomplishment just to get through the day when you are so sleep-deprived.
ReplyDeleteStill slowmamma. Blogger still hates me.
Terrible sleeper & colicky mess. Yup, that was B in a nutshell. I was also petrified during my pregnancy last year. though L seems to be going through the same right now (though I guess not "colic" since it seems to have STARTED at 3 months), he did bless us with a couple of months of awesomeness...to prove the fact that every baby is indeed different. Hopefully you get to experience the same...without the 3-month backslide.
ReplyDeleteHigh fives for vicious snapping! And I don't even have a good excuse. I am sooooooo sorry. It sounds like utter hell and I know it's always worse than it sounds. Fingers crossed that this is just a little blip.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you. E is up every. two. hours. every. single. night. And my first, W, was a nightmare until he finally figured out how to sleep in his crib. Sleep is such a mess for the first several months. I'm trying to relax and go with it, but would love to hear what you're trying (and more importantly, what's working?!). Sorry for the multiple comments today--blogger just allowed me into comment-world again.
ReplyDelete