I've had a hard time writing this post because I am floating down the river of denial.
We are nearing the end of our "breastfeeding relationship". In fact, I did the lactational walk-of-shame to our local drugstore to pick up my handy failure-in-a-can (now with extra vitamin G for guilt) this week (on sale! 3 dollars off!) and L will be trying it at daycare for the first time today at 10.5 months old.
Honestly I've been slowly getting over the formula "issues" as my supply and then my freezer stash dwindled these past few months. I'm just not ready to stop nursing. Despite (or maybe because of?) my early struggles, I really fell into the rhythm of nursing L. Even with the recent distraction and the biting (ouch!), I am in no way ready to let go. I'm still pumping despite practically non-existent yields so that I can keep up some semblance of a supply to justify nursing him at home a couple of times a day.
Some of it is clearly emotional. My baaaYYYYBEEE is growing up, I may never have another, etc...
Some of it is logistical. What excuse will I now have to escape to the basement for 20 minutes several times during the weekend and just SIT in QUIET. Also what the hell do I do with L at 5 AM every morning when he wakes up? Now we just bring him into bed to nurse, and I get to lie down for at least 20 more minutes (and if we are REALLY lucky, like yesterday, he fell sleep nursing until 6:30!!!) I can't handle having to get out of bed and give him a bottle. ugh.
L? He's pretty much over it. He nurses pretty well before bed and in the morning. Maybe before naps on the weekends, but he's easily bored & ready to move on. His bottles are also coming home mostly untouched...he waited til 7.5 months to take to solids and he's not looking back. He eats more than B does at meals these days (though toddlers produce ATP every time they say "NO!" so they don't need food as an energy source)
I try not to think about it. G packed up the formula and took it directly to daycare. I refused to mix it up ahead of time. I keep attaching the pump to myself 3 times a day, and dutifully bring home the total 1oz I eke out at the end of the day.
I never thought I'd make it this far, but now I wish it were further....