I've been so ANGRY these past few days. I feel like a snarling swarming pit of vipers. I just can't control my temper. I am trying to do all the things they say to do (and they're right! they usually work) to calm down---sleep more, exercise, take time to myself. Sure, I'm fine while I'm taking a walk by myself, but as soon as I enter the house, someone does something and I. Just. Snap.
I've had bouts of this recently. I haven't been tracking it, so I don't know, but it may be related to my birth control?
Its at work and at home. I feel like I'm constantly NEEDED. Even at night, L will eventually come upstairs and cry in my ear until I get up and scoop him into bed. These nights, its been both of them, with summer colds. Needing noses wiped, comfort, water for coughs and sore throats. I used to really like tending to them when they are sick---its so satisfying to be such a comfort. But this week it just drives me up the wall. First thing in the morning, no matter how early I wake up, someone---or everyone---is up. Needing things. I rarely shower alone, or use the bathroom alone (or if I am technically alone, someone is pounding on the door or crying loudly outside). The pages, texts, emails, URGENT red flagged messages. Fires to put out because someone did not do their job so now its my job. Ruffled feathers to soothe. I won't start in on the work of running the household, so cliche.
I'm annoyed, frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted, and several times each evening I allow myself a brief fantasy of running away and spending 48-72 hours with no one needing anything from me.
We are going to the beach this weekend with my family. A whole week with 6 adults (including the very adults that have made me crazy my whole life, and whose presence instantly transports me back to my bratty snarky pre-teen days) and 4 little kids with snot and bottoms needing wiping, and constant snacks & entertainment needing administering.
Lets hope I don't hurt someone.
(whew, that was quite a rant, but it felt pretty good to get it out of my system).