Thursday, December 11, 2014

Freedom

G's cousin's wedding was last weekend. We all went to stay with MIL for the many-day festivities. I came back two nights ago, ostensibly because I had to work, but really because one week is more than enough. G and the boys are still there until Sunday. Yes, that means 5 kid- and husband-free days at home for me. I was initially excited and full of plans for a super-productive time at work and home. But when it really began, I was despondent. I miss my little guys and my big guy. I'm not being productive in the least because I've come down with my THIRD URI/bronchitis/sinus-y thing in the past month. And I don't feel particularly free, as there is lingering anxiety from some conflicts with my MIL last weekend. And the laundry. I put away 2 loads we hadn't gotten to before we left, and have already laundered 3 more loads. And then there are all the sheets that the house cleaners changed today, at least 2 more loads of those. Ugh.

What I've done, other than than going to work and the basic necessities of self- and dog-care is catch up on reading & commenting on blogs and watching (for the first time) Gilmore Girls on Netflix. I have not turned on the stove or washed a plate or utensil, though the dishwasher is slowly filling with coffee cups and wine glasses. Tuesday night I picked up 2 slices of pizza for dinner. Yesterday, in a particularly pride-filled moment, I ate half a bag of Pirate's booty and 2 mini-Twix bars for dinner. Today I picked up a burrito bowl. Tomorrow and Saturday evening I have social engagements. I also need to do the weekly cooking for us on Sunday. That leaves Saturday to decorate for Christmas and plan & buy things for B's birthday party which is the following Saturday. I booked my first car-share car for Saturday AM and will have time to go to the craft store and the big red circle store which should take care of party/holiday supplies.

I saw my therapist today, for the first time in several weeks. It was the most productive session we've had, and I left feeling better instead of worse and perhaps...hopeful? Its freeing to think I can actually manage my anxiety and that I won't necessarily feel that heart racing/stomach clenching/lungs can't breathe feeling for hours/days EVERY time I get in a conflict with my MIL or husband or colleague.

Now back to the antics of Lorelie and Rory. How can they eat that crap every day and still be so skinny? How can she drink that much coffee and not have a hypertensive stroke? Why do they waste so much money on eating out and coffee out when they can't pay Rory's private school tuition? Why do they have a shiny new Jeep, again, given the lack of savings for tuition? All questions that will never be answered, I'm sure.

9 comments:

  1. It sounds like you're taking better care of your eating than I do when the family is gone. I can't even bother getting food out and become a true scavenger from whatever we have at home. I usually end up binge watching anime in the evenings.

    yay therapy! yay parties! boo shiny new jeep and meals out for people on tv shows who are stressing out about lack of money!

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  2. Love the Gilmore Girls. Love. And my other self has written about it, including some of those pesky questions about $$

    I hope you can SLEEEP with the boys away!

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    1. YEEEEESSSSS. sleep is happening. straight through the night, 10-10:30 until 6. It helps that its dark and gloomy and my 6AM exercise class is on hiatus until January.

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  3. WTH is with the germs in [the city] this year???? I am so over being sick all of the time. I found out about Gilmore Girls from one of my co-interns. It's definitely a guilty pleasure.

    Glad the therapy is helping and you got some time to yourself!

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    1. Seriously I am SO SO SO tired of operating at 50-70% energy level. I just want to feel GOOD dammit.

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  4. It was fascinating to see what I ate when the kids weren't around for a few days. I cooked once or twice, and then it was like, eh, screw it. Given that I often give them frozen pizza, that's intriguing, since it's not like I'm really cooking much for them either.

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    1. My goal is not to have to hand wash a single thing until I do the weekly cooking Sunday. That means pots and pans (and thus cooking anything) is out of the question.

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    2. I get take out or cook things the kids don't like in those circumstances (although I haven't had a house to myself week since I was pregnant with Tiny Boy...)

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