So my MIL is here, which means we have childcare help. We have nothing lined up for this weekend. We actually did the laundry Wed-Thurs night and went grocery shopping last night, so the major chores are done. B is in the midst of an awful summer cold so we haven't planned any outings. The kids will probably just do their coloring/puzzles/books/movies thing which she can supervise (she's had that at home the past few days while we're at work, anyways). I was wondering how to spend this unusual luxury of free time.
My first thought was that G and I could have a day date. We looked into options. There is an exhibit at the art museum that looks interesting but the tickets are pricey! Its too hot to just wander around outside. A movie? We saw the only two movies we wanted to see on our vacation. Go out for lunch or drinks? Money. Calories. Often when grandparents visit we just like to go out and run errands together, but we went to the grocery store last night & ran a bunch of errands with L last weekend. There really isn't anywhere we need to go except maybe to drop off some stuff at the Goodwill and that is hardly a date.
Then G decided that maybe he'll just spend the time working on a wood-working project at home (his new hobby, its pretty useful actually---current projects include a shelving thing for the garden and a bed for L). So I'll be on my own. I am really struggling to figure out how to spend the time. In the past, I'd use a free chunk of weekend time to go shopping, but..shopping ban. Or to go get a pedicure---I stopped doing that because $ (and its so easy to just paint my own toes, its kind of silly). I do need to color my hair (I do it myself with drugstore hair color) but that isn't really fun, and it takes about 45 minutes. I don't really have any local friends I can meet up with (all of my few friends have their own families and kids and vacations going on). I almost signed up for a barre class Sunday morning but then realized that paying $23/class on top of $100+/month we already pay for the gym seems stupid, so I'll just go to the usual classes at the Y.
I'll work out each morning at the gym as per my usual routine. I'm not reading any books right now. I'm kind of burnt out on reading, I go through cycles of reading a ton and then taking a break, and its a break time. I'm sure I could find work to do, but ugh.
I think a lot of the "woe" is coming from the restrictions I've placed on our spending. Prior to that, we probably would've just done the art museum, or went out in the afternoon to a wine bar or something. I think we are going to end up going out for dinner Saturday night because its just getting too blah to sit and shovel down leftover Indian food with the MIL every single night.
Any brilliant ideas for fun, free things to do on a day date? What would you do with 3 hours of free time on a weekend?
Hi! I am a new reader, linked over from Shu box. So I don't really know why your $ restrictions are in place. But personally, I think a free babysitter is worth spending a little money on a fun date or two, if it is there to spend. We live far from family and since a not special dinner + movie + babysitter can cost something around $125 or more....it is nice to have the an option for something more special. I would totally pay for the museum or a massage or an experience thing - glass blowing, canoeing...
ReplyDeleteHi Meaghan! Welcome and thanks for your comment. We are just trying to cut back on spending/increase saving and have been following a budget. Because of recent travel, we've actually gone way over budget and I'm trying to get things back to baseline. Hmmm. Over here, a sitter/dinner/movie would cost way more than that, so I know the pain!
DeleteRead a book? (Though lately I've been using my family-free weekend time to do referee reports... *sigh*)
ReplyDeleteYay! It posted! Name/URL FTW! (The wordpress option hasn't been workign on any blogspot blogs unless they don't have any spam filtering.)
DeleteOh wait, I missed the paragraph where you said you were burnt out on books and work.
DeleteIs there any free stuff going on in your area that you could attract DH from his woodworking? Or could you hang out with him while he woodworks? Are there any creative chores like the SHUbox's recent list (organizing photos etc.) that you could get done? How about cooking for the future?
Yeah, I'll look into some free stuff. Hang out with him while he woodworks=being outside in the hot hot humid sun with deafening tools blowing wooddust into my face=nope. And chores. well. sure, I could do chores but...you know. I could do chores at home any day while my kids played. I really wanted to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
DeleteI agree - free childcare might warrant a little spending - I'd go to the art museum
ReplyDeleteIf you think that'd be fun. Early morning hike, canoe or swim? Something I like to do but rarely do anymore is peruse bookstore & then get a coffee/iced tea. I also enjoy "window shopping" - I.e not buying anything.
That said, we squandered our last MIL babysitting by just coming home and sitting on the couch for many of tenreasons you mentioned.
good ideas! We are in a real heat wave, so its hot even in the AM (plus, the early mornings are when we walk the dog/make pancakes for kids/I go to my gym class). I'm not super into window shopping---it tempts me to want to buy stuff and I am really committed to not shopping through the end of 2015. temptation isn't a good idea. You know, I USED to love bookstores, I'd spend hours just looking around & having a coffee beverage, but it doesn't interest me anymore. I dunno why. I really think my brain has changed to need more excitement! stimulation! Blah. Maybe that's a good reason to do it again. (oh also, last time I went to the bookstore here, my wallet was stolen. its right off the park so a lot of the homeless and sketchy end up in there).
DeleteDoes your local newspaper have a list of free/inexpensive activities? Maybe you could wander around a local farmers' market if the weather permits; my favourite farmers' market has free performances throughout the day.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with the above comments to take advantage of the free childcare. Sometimes the right answer is to spend a bit of money to really enjoy life!
"Sometimes the right answer is to spend a bit of money to really enjoy life!" so funny, because this is the EXACT opposite of what those frugal blogs (which I know you read too) would say. they would say that if we need to spend money to get away from our kids its because we are too stressed out from our jobs (which we only have to have because we spend too much money) and this is a SYMPTOM of the disease of overconsumption. (or something like that).
DeleteI guess I've been drinking the Kool-Aid. But actually, deep down, I agree with you. I'm still figuring out where to draw the line, I guess.
Ana-- I think the answer is that you should spend intentionally in a way that your utility curve hits your budget constraint. That is, don't be Mr. Money Moustache (unless your utility curves look like his) and you (based on what you've said) can't just spend tons of money and still have money for the future. Yes, it would be great if we all made as much money as Laura Vanderkam's family does, but most of us aren't in the top 5% of the income distribution.
DeleteIt's possible that you should lighten up the purse strings, but it's also possible that you shouldn't. The only way to figure that out is to sit down with your entire money situation and do an All Your Worth style audit combined with what you know about your future plans and future probabilities for emergencies. From what I've seen of you and your money personality, you would probably do really well to have a "fun money" budget so you could spend on things like the art museum without feeling guilty and without hurting your bottom line.
You've probably read our Laura Vanderkam vs. Mr Money Moustache post, but it really does apply. Most of us need some moderation.
This is absolutely how I think about it (moderation, spending on our priorities) and it usually works well. Currently I'm at the point where we have spent all our "fun money" and yet there is an opportunity to have fun and I want to spend more! And it may be true that we should just spend it this weekend (borrow from next months' fun money) since its better to go out with free child care. Or it may be that next month we'll do the same thing and we'll never catch up so I really need to exert discipline here. I think we're still getting used to "being on a budget" and it'll become more intuitive in time (at which point we won't NEED the budget anymore). Also, as others mentioned, we don't go out much, so I'm not familiar with all the free/cheap things there may be to do. Its worthwhile to figure that out.
DeleteYou really do sound like you're in good shape monetarily, though of course without seeing the full picture, I can't say for sure. But you seem to be doing the right things in a really thoughtful way.
DeleteIf you have fun money and you've spent it... then yeah, it sounds like you're done for this budget cycle. (This is why having a fun budget doesn't work for me-- I would be so worried about missing out that I would never spend it. But it works perfectly for DH! I'm much better at "budgeting" based on how much money we're transferring from savings to checking each month, and my natural state when there isn't a lot of extra money is to not spend at all.)
There are a lot of fun free things to do in cities! Not necessarily every weekend, but at least if you do the legwork now you'll know what's happening in the future. When we've had to cut back (see: unemployment) we picked up some cheap/free/frugal things that we haven't undone. It's always nice to focus on the new stuff than to focus on what can't be done, especially with the idea that it's just trying stuff out and if it doesn't work out at least you didn't lose much and you know for the future.
thanks. I think we are doing ok overall as well. I spent some time with the budget during a boring conference and I feel a lot less stressed (I hadn't been tracking expenses for the past 2-3 weeks and I knew there were a ton and it was anxiety-causing!). We did overspend on going out in July, but we way underspent on groceries since we were away, so I just shifted some money around and we are starting fresh with August, which means...money to play with beginning tomorrow!
DeleteYay!
DeleteI love it when I'm worried about something and then I *finally* get brave enough to run the numbers and it turns out not to be as bad as I expected. It's also really nice starting with a clean slate. When things are normal (as in, we're not in the middle of moving) I love doing the beginning of the month financial stuff right after we get paid.
Maybe you should look at this as a challenge to find less expensive or free things to do? How about looking around for other museums or art galleries that might be less expensive or free? Bank of America also has free museum weekends every month (If you bank with them). I like to browse local papers for free, interesting events.
ReplyDeleteawesome idea, I'm going to do this tonight.
Deleteand also...here is our challenge. even if we go to free things, its really hard not to want to get something to eat/drink, especially if it a (rare) date. If you are doing something free/cheap for a date, do you just go to an event during the day and then go home & eat with the kids (or eat first, then go, and just not get any drinks/snacks)? This seems stupid, but I'm seriously asking!
DeleteHmmm..I guess we do buy food/drink when out and about. However, we tend to be late risers so on weekends we eat a big breakfast and coffee before heading out. We're usually out between 1 - 4pm so it's too early for dinner. I'm sure I would grab a snack at some point though.
DeleteI love swimming especially when it's this hot. Not sure what your area is like, but some of my favorite "date days" have been a swim in a local swimming hole (not the pool--too crowded). You can pack a picnic and some wine/beer too, which is cheaper than going out! Also, I just started reading your blog (came over from SHU) and really love the honesty and the types of issues you post about. Thank you!
ReplyDeletethanks so much Emily and welcome! We 're urban, so swimming holes...not so much (I've done this before, when we lived in the south, and its super fun!). the public pools are fine for the kids, but...yeah...not really my scene otherwise (and no food and certainly no booze allowed!)
DeleteI was going to drop a link to an article about five fun dates to do on a budget, but then I realized they are all outside and it's too hot now. I just want to say this post really struck a chord with me. Part of me is super annoyed you can't just do what you want, but I understand why. This is what being an adult is all about, right? So much less fun than I expected it to be. (I'm feeling a little down about this shit right now. Sorry if that is evident in my comment.)
ReplyDeleteYeah srsly. F this adulting shi$. I'm sorry you're feeling down about things. I think you are making some really amazing changes for your family. I'm always a little surprised to read the comments on your posts---I think some of my angst was coming from the comments i read about how terrible it is to eat out, how much $ that wastes, etc... I just don't have a good sense of people's day to day lives that do not involve the things that I spend on. I would LOVE to see a detailed time diary of a FUN weekend with kids, with no spending. I would like to see many of those, actually, from people with various personality types and family dynamics. I believe its possible, i just havne't figured it out!
DeleteI totally get this. It is a real problem. Free around here = street festivals, which.... too hot, too many sticky sweaty people, not really all that fun. I guess there's the river path. Are they doing that hammock thing again this year.... which river was that on last year? That I totally missed because of intern year.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to do the Barnes foundation at some point in time, but that seems to require planning. I have to figure that out. I also want to start rock climbing again at Go Vertical.... but I think that perhaps now is not the time.
Let me know if you think of anything fun!
Spruce Street Harbor park is on the deleware. I've been once each year, with the kids, and its fun---splash fountains, paddle boats, ginormous blocks to play with. I've wanted to go back on a date night but to eat/drink at the restaurant there. I'm the furthest thing from a germaphobe and ENCOURAGE my kids to eat off the floor and I wouldn't TOUCH those hammocks! Probably more full of human sweat that the gym mats at the Y.
DeleteBtw, another place to check for free events for adults is the local university. Even at the regional uni where I grew up I got to see such amazing speakers as Jaime escalatez (the guy stand and deliver was based on) or the voice behind Ren and Stimpy. There are also free art exhibits and etc. The uni radio station often advertises these.
ReplyDeleteI know it's late to give you specific ideas for this date but I wanted to comment on the dilemma. I don't know much about the frugal blogs but I am pretty sure that I qualify for admission into the frugal club and from my perspective it has a lot to do with developing a certain skill set. In this case, ideas for free/cheap dates but it can just as easily be about developing meal plans, finding avenues for used stuff, etc. The concept is that once you develop the skills, you can more intentionally (that word again) make the choice to spend more when you really want to (within your means). I absolutely think it's worthwhile to make this effort. I know that it has really paid off for us.
ReplyDeleteYes, absolutely. To paraphrase one of the more popular bloggers, you have to "hone your frugality muscles". I'm good about meal planning, I'm starting to become familiar with free/cheap venues for procuring things, but still have to figure out how to have fun for free---this one is challenging because we don't have much opportunity to get out, so haven't had a lot of chances to work on this.
DeleteThis is a great question. What can you do with 3 kid-free hours that's fun and free and not 90 degrees? Hmm... When I have my night "off" I sometimes go to the library and while I work if I'm swamped sometimes I just pull interesting books off the shelves and check out ones that look interesting (or look at magazines). Then there's the "already paid for" fun - the Y membership means you could go swimming or take a class. I usually just run so that's a change of pace. We wound up joining the art museum so it wasn't a question of paying for tickets each time, though that's obviously not "free" (it's just a sunk cost).
ReplyDeleteI've only been to the libraries here with the kids---and they are awesome---we can spend hours there. There isn't really a good selection of adult stuff at the nearby branches---I may have to check out more than the kids room in the central branch. I use the Overdrive heavily, but haven't checked out a physical book in years!
Delete