Its hard switching between things all day long, sometimes with no warning. 10 minutes ago, I was composing a patient portal reply and my children barreled up here complaining that their work was boring. 10 minutes later, G will probably pop up and want to chat after his meetings are over. I only have one patient scheduled today---right in the middle---for some reason so that'll happen in the middle of working on the manuscript draft. And at some point probably soon, I have to make lunches and then take the kids to the park. (G did it the past 2 days and I volunteered for today since I don't have many patients or scheduled meetings)
Tonight we have book club, and instead of
I know some people do perfectly fine and even excel working this way, and can easily switch back and forth, and enjoy the flexibility and "work-life integration", but I just haven't figured it out yet. I also know that part of making this work is carving out concrete interruption-free hours for deep work, but...my kids are also struggling to figure stuff out, as is my work staff (hence the random telehealth patients on writing days) and even when I THINK I have the time, surprises pop up. And its hard enough for me to focus, what with the roiling anxiety and now the medication side effects (nausea! fun!) from upping the dose, and my more frequent (stress-induced?) migraines.
Just venting. Off to put on my "writing" hat for (hopefully) a good focused hour.
I’ve also written about (or maybe just talked to friends about?) how I’m struggling with my hrs these days. I thought it was hard for me to just be a mother and wife, without getting to wear my other hats (friend, teacher, martial arts student) but maybe it is more about having to wear them all in muddled ways. It’s hard to write emails to students while I also help my youngest with his math. And I’m not a very present mom to my daughter when I’m trying to finish creating content for the next day. It doesn’t really count as QT with my husband when I’m inputting scores at night while we watch TV. I think you’re right that it’s the lack of definitive times when I know I am one thing or the other, because of the setting and time of the day, that make it hard. This is so very, very hard.
ReplyDeleteOMG. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHome is work and work is home. And zoom fatigue is real. It's like the snowday that never ends. Personal situation + personality affects how we handle this--I agree. I'm finding working (single) mother + highly introverted person + high needs kid to be exhausting right now. And I'm afraid my kid gets the brunt of that because there is no outlet for anything. (I am going to try my first zoom zumba to see how that goes...)
Someone I follow on twitter mentioned increased migraines from increased screen time, which I hadn't considered. But maybe (for me) that's a compounding factor, too.
The ONLY reason I am getting through this right now is because Q and I have split the day. So we each have a solid block of time where we wear the parent hat and a block where we wear the academic/professor hat. It's not perfect because I can still hear the kids and they come and visit me and bang on the basement window when they're outside but it does mean I'm not trying to work when I'm supervising school work. I'm not getting enough done but this is all I can manage.
ReplyDeleteIt's so difficult. There's also the emotional load of managing how the kids are feeling about everything- E. dumps it all on me.
Hang in there, right? That's all we can do.
SO incredibly true. I use my mornings to do my thinking/review/planning - and often leave early so ensure I can do that. Now, daughter who is generally doing wonderful things with e-learning, has question upon question all morning long. . . and I never get any time to think and then I'm playing keep up with the work ball all day. Hang in there! It has to get a bit better at somepoint, right? Sneakers
ReplyDeleteI feel like if I could do EITHER the job OR the childcare I'd be having a pretty good life right now. I just can't do the job and the kids stuff and manage food/tp/read novels etc.
ReplyDeleteI can do bullshit work (answer emails, have Zoom meetings) but not deep work, not anything that actually requires concentration. Hell, it takes me roughly 30 fits and starts to finish a 45-min episode of a show because I'm constantly interrupted.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any children, so maybe this is stupid, but could you lock the door? They're old enough that they wouldn't drink Drano or something without supervision, right? Could you lock your door and put up a sign that says "Mom is out" with a clock when you're back? I've heard of those coloured clocks that people have for their kids that lets them know what time to get out of bed, maybe you could do something similar with the door (red light / green light)? Hell, maybe it would work for your husband too, lol.
ReplyDeleteYes...but kids banging on the door, or talking right outside is similarly annoying as you can imagine! And its also that they aren't old enough to manage their school day by themselves---someone has to remind them that its time to log on for a zoom meet, for example, and since I'm the one that's got everything on my calendar so I get reminders....
DeleteI have found that I can do admin pretty decently, but anything that requires sustained concentration is really difficult for me. Half the problem is the constant interruptions (dog snoring, AP making food in the kitchen next to me, daughter wanting a hug, husband emerging from cave to say hi), and part of the problem is that even if nobody actually interrupts me, I get distracted by something else (email, internet, text message) which is my own damn fault. I have found going for a walk can be helpful for my concentration, but when I get home I have to write all my thoughts down immediately or else they will go away, and that process also required 5 uninterrupted minutes. Even that can be hard to come by.
ReplyDeleteAnd you were one of the ones I thought was doing so well! Its nice to know I'm not alone, but sorry you are struggling with this too.
DeleteAw thank you! I feel like relatively maybe I am doing pretty well? But I still have times where I want to yell and scream, and sometimes actually do yell and scream, and am otherwise really grouchy and pessimistic and.... yeah. I wish I had some sort of magic antidote for this feeling, but I don't. Today I woke up a total shrew (inspiring the comment above) but somehow managed to get a little done and then went for a walk, which seemed to help my mood significantly. It does not always work though.
DeleteI feel this SO ACUTELY. It got to the point where, in supporting multiple people through their anxiety-inducing situations, I had to assign them specific and limited windows of access to my brain. The constant interruptions were making me snappy and peevish and impatient with everything and everyone.
ReplyDelete