Friday, August 9, 2013

Never before and never since, I promise

I've been thinking about this for a while. Months, years maybe...yet I seem to forget and fall into old patterns of thinking. The old "things will be better when..." Of viewing life as something to "get through" until xyz happens and then my real life will begin---the one that's easy, and carefree, and amazing. 

Lately, I feel that everything is to be "gotten through"---get through the morning to get to work, get through work to get home, get through the evening routine to get to bed, and even get through the weekend. I view my evenings of dog-walking, lunch-making, kid-wrangling as my "second shift" but I could also choose to view it as "family time". The activities are the same, but the attitude is different.

I'm OK at noticing the unequivocally good moments, but I want to be better at noticing all of it...because there may be good moments hidden in the tedious ones. Or maybe it is truly tedious, but there are lessons to be had with that, too. I want to stop escaping my life by picking up my phone and losing myself in someone else's story instead of diving into my own.




 I read today about 2 mothers in their 30s diagnosed with cancer. Also about a little boy, age 2. Nothing is guaranteed. Waiting for "things will bet better when..." results in me missing an awful lot of todays and for what?

I love this quote I found somewhere. I've got it posted on my desktop at work to look at whenever I'm feeling whiny about my life:

“With sour faces we let a thousand bright and pleasant hours slip by unenjoyed and afterwards vainly sigh for their return when times are trying and depressing….we should cherish every present moment that is bearable, even the most ordinary, which with such indifference we now let slip by, and even with impatience push on.” —Schopenhauer

8 comments:

  1. I really love this post. And I really needed to read it. I'm actually watching Orange is the New Black right now and thinking a lot about what it would mean to live incarcerated like that. I see how the simplest of things are so cherished when all control is taken away. It has helped me to be more grateful for the every day things. It might seem silly, but it has.

    But this is another great reminder. So thanks.

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    1. I'm watching Orange too (SO GOOD!) but I didn't get that feeling out of it (maybe because, as amazing as it is, I can't really relate, and also it doesn't seem THAT awful except for solitary).

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  2. I find that being happy needs a bit of effort too, as everything else in life. Nothing comes just like that, out of thin air. Even being happy. Even if it is the tiniest of efforts, like noticing. It needs training, noticing what makes you happy and when that happens, but it is a good kind of effort and training.

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    1. Yes! You put into words what I've been doing---training at happiness.

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  3. lately i feel like you've been writing from the inside of my own head, even though we're going through different things right now! loved this post.

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    1. Sarah I think we have a lot in common, I'm not surprised :)

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  4. "Every present moment that is bearable." I like that. They're mostly bearable, even if they're not fun.

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  5. I KNOW. I KNOW. But I just can't DO it. Sad.

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