Wow, that last post got a TON of comments, and some brand new commenters, too! Maybe I should stick to writing about my fashion woes. I'm often surprised by which posts garner lively discussions and which ones seem to fall flat. I guess asking for practical advice on a not-too-loaded issue is a sure bet.
The good/bad news is that I took your advice and started browsing catalogs and style blogs, and the next thing I knew I had loaded up a few online shopping carts and have some flare jeans, superga sneakers, and interesting tops coming my way.
So I guess my shopping ban has ended prematurely. I made it almost 11 months. This time. There will definitely be more shopping bans in my future. I've decided that I'm an abstainer when it comes to regulating shopping. If I'm "allowed" to buy things, I will always find something I want/need (its too easy to shop on-line, I can do it on my phone while I'm waiting for the bus FFS!). When I decided to ban myself from shopping, I helped myself by unsubscribing from all emails and never going to websites or even fashion-related blogs (technically I told myself I wouldn't "go shopping" at stores either, but that opportunity really never presented itself). Any catalog that came into the house went straight into the recycling bin, I didn't even open it. And it was really really easy to stick to the ban. I didn't want anything, I didn't feel deprived---I didn't have to exercise any will power at all, it was great!
So now that I've bought some things & fallen back into browsing on-line, I've decided to give myself a little "shopping window", make a list of everything I want/need (some things ARE needs, like new bras and sports bras), figure out a reasonable budget for those items, and go for it.
And then start a new shopping ban until next summer. I just don't trust myself to moderate when it comes to this issue.
There are definitely times when making too many rules complicates my life, but there are instances when it simplifies things to an amazing degree. No need to exert self-discipline or to make excuses or bargains when there is a hard & fast "No". Its like eating the same things for lunch every day or having my set gym days. I don't think about whether I'm tired or busy and maybe I'll go tomorrow instead---I know that's not an option so I just..go. There will be no "well, I know I don't NEED another dress, but I'll wear it a lot, and I promise I won't buy anything else this month, but oh, wait, these shoes are really cute and I don't have any that color and...OK here's the deal, I'll get both of those things but then I won't buy ANYTHING ELSE until...etc..."
Now to wait for those packages to arrive. I'm particularly curious about the flares, and if I have any shoes that will work with them.
Do you consider yourself an abstainer? If not, have you ever tried it?
I shop in cycles. When I'm abstaining, I unsubscribe from retailer emails and don't look at any catalogs. Of course I still browse Pinterest which does NOT help. When I shop, I stick to sales and ebay. I'm pretty good at delayed gratification if I want something in particular. I also keep myself in check because I try to have a definitive style. I love superga but don't even own a pair!
ReplyDeleteYes, I think I naturally shop in cycles, too. It makes sense, you feel like you need to update your wardrobe, then you do, and then you don't want/need anything for a while. I think I had a rather LONG cycle of shopping last time, though, since I updated my entire wardrobe to a different size. And certain sites really tempt me despite not needing anything, I'm a sucker for a cute work appropriate dress. I don't know if I need to "ban" myself from shopping, but it puts a good check on things so I don't have to worry about it.
DeletePlease, talk to your therapist about it. There is a reason for you being so drawn to shopping. I went shopping and updated my entire work clothes' closet 7 years ago (80-90% sale at JCPenney), did not buy anything for 5 years and in the last 2 years just bought very few things here and there. I am also often commented on how well I dress...LOL
ReplyDeletethis is a pretty extreme comment and I felt the need to respond...maybe I misrepresented my habits, but when I say I "shop a lot", I mean, I buy things every few months or so when I get an email announcing a sale. The financial impact is pretty small, its just that by doing that over the years, I've built up enough of certain kinds of clothes, but yes I'm still drawn to dresses and cute shoes! I don't think its outside of the norm---I know plenty of women that actually "go shopping" as an activity every month or so, and come home with stuff, or shop online whenever Boden/J Crew/Anthro has a sale (I DEFINITELY know many many women who do that!). Anyways, I talked for a bit recently on some of the internal things that sometimes make me want to buy things---I've analyzed & figured out a solution to that problem...and I did that without discussing it with my therapist... LOL
DeleteMan, leechblock ate my super long comment.
ReplyDeletethe short version: yes, I tend to buy stuff in cycles and I tend to buy a lot when I buy and I don't window shop-- if I'm looking I intend to buy (or at least put on my amazon list)
that's definitely part of my plan---don't look unless I want to buy. (And don't decide to buy unless I really need stuff). Otherwise, its just sort of mindless for me to throw a cheap top into the cart when I'm buying B's uniforms from old navy and need $50 to use a coupon or something.
DeleteIn that coupon situation, I usually hit the clearance section and buy my kids something a size up. Lands end (where we get our uniforms) has good kids khakis and little girl shirts that don't say princess. In the clearance section they cost what I would pay at target.
DeleteI would probably be a good abstainer. I definitely do better when there are rules to follow, like "must exercise twice a week" or "no more than 3 servings of carbs a day". Yet for some reason, I always find myself coming up with plans that are all about moderation and trying to do the best I can. I think I'm hoping to make changes without feeling deprived. I don't know. It's not a great system.
ReplyDeleteSo, I usually go for moderation first. And try and fail and try and fail and then realize how much easier it is to just make a rule & stick to it. I don't play games of any kind on my computer or phone, I don't drink alcohol on weekdays at home, I don't eat food anyone brings in to work. Just...easier than rationalizing, well, just this once---but I won't have any tomorrow (and then someone brings in something yummier, or my husband offers me a glass of wine).
DeleteI am definitely an abstainer. With food, shopping, video games, whatever. Moderation does not work for me at all.
DeleteHonestly, I don't think your shopping issue is really a "problem." I also tend to buy cyclically. I realized recently that all my work pants are a) stained, or b) not stylish anymore. Makes sense since some of them are 15 years old! So yes, I spent $500 bucks on new pants. And you know what? Now I need new shoes to go with them since I no longer have young pliable feet, but I still want to look cute. I do sometimes buy things that I don't end up wearing.... and that's bit of a problem. I think I could avoid that by trying to only buy staples (like the pants) for a while, instead of the cute dresses (Boden, I am looking at you) that catch my eye from time to time.
I don't have much to add except the Superga shoes are really cute! And I want to hear the flare outcome. I'm not ready to go there. I still have too-fresh memories of my late '90s style . . . :)
ReplyDeleteFor me, the YNAB allowance is my answer to moderation. It means I can be moderate but have a hard line drawn as a boundary.
Interesting that you'd think since I love YNAB so much that i'd love My Fitness Pal. But I only found that annoying and cumbersome. I think mostly b/c it seems so inaccurate and I refuse to measure things, whereas with YNAB it's easy to be really exact and I actually trust the calculations.
Deleteyeah, MFP is a pain in the butt. I do find it useful when I feel like I'm gaining weight & can't figure out why or what to change (but yes, I have to measure things, and some times I just have to guess which really sucks & makes it stressful) but I can keep up with it for a few weeks maximum before I burn out, whereas I've been doing YNAB since January and don't see any reason to stop.
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