I really have been feeling happy for the past few days. Like an undercurrent of contentment. Its been a while since I had this feeling, so I'm savoring it! Things are really really good with G & me---better than they have been in YEARS. Its like our awful fight and my long email really turned on some switch in his head and he's been doing everything I've been asking him to do for years and he never really did. We've had some very lovely evenings, talking, working together, laughing. Its...nice, and more what I imagined marriage would be like.
The kids have also been great. B hasn't had any major outbursts in a while. He still has moments of being really awful (mean, hitting, yelling, throwing) but they can be attributed to specific outside events (a real disappointment, tired, hungry, sick) vs. ALL THE LIVELONG DAY. This morning I was awestruck at how cute they were, L so excited to wear his "new christmas shirt" (that I got second hand from a neighbor) and sing in his school holiday event (which I had to miss, alas, but G went and took pics & video) nd B so proud of his waist-high lego tower that he made "for you, mommy, because you like blue" and being happy for his brother having a party even though he was not.
I saw my therapist yesterday and had to recap all the events from the past few weeks. Talking through the horrible fight with G and how to prevent a similar incident in the future seemed to have lifted the last weight from my shoulders about this. She also gave some excellent advice about trying to maintain the calm with the kids. Overall, our focus should be on giving him the positive attention he craves, while disciplining the negative stuff swiftly and calmly. Yes, easier said then done, but a much better focus then the "oh my god he's going to be a serial killer, I need to nip this in the bud NOW. discipline! consequences! no tolerance!" that sneaks in sometimes.
We have a 10-day trip to visit MIL coming up. I am not looking forward to it (if you've followed my MIL saga, you know why!) but I'm not actually dreading it. Maybe I am looking forward to some tiny parts of it? (the not working part, the guaranteed warmer weather part, the free babysitting part!). G mentioned maybe getting a night to ourselves either in a hotel in town or a short road trip which I would DEFINITELY looking forward to, but we aren't 100% sure it'll happen (logistics). At the very least we are going to watch some movies. In the theater. The one that has booze and mozzarella sticks (i.e. one of my top ten favorite places in the world). I've got my Kindle loaded with books. We will go to the gym. We want to start watching Breaking Bad. Maybe it won't be 100% terrible.
Then I'm on call NYE through the end of that weekend. I've never actually been on call for NY before (always Christmas. all 4 years of residency and 1st year of fellowship, then several thanksgivings after that). I've heard it can brutal, after the Christmas slow down, but oh well. Its 2 weeks away and I'll take it as it comes (plus G is the one that has to deal primarily with the post-vacation, grandma-spoiled, likely stuck in the cold kids for those 4 days!)
We aren't leaving for our trip until Monday (the whole thing was planned for cheapest flights) so we have a sort of "bonus weekend" where we don't have to do the usual prep-for-the-week chores (but we do have to pack...blah). I'm hoping we can fill it with fun. I'm willing to overspend a tad on take-out and activities to have a truly nice and calm 2 days for the 4 of us before the extended family madness.
Anyways. Yeah. Happy. And wishing happy for all of you, too!