The Nope 30

I did put a weight loss goal into my 19 for 2019 list, and I did think a bit about how to achieve this. Many start the new year with some kind of detox/reset diet, and I've seen lots doing the Whole 30. I looked into it briefly and considered it...for a few minutes. I also considered another low-carb month like I did a few years ago, or the keto diet that is working wonders for some friends, or "doing my macros" like my sister.

I know committing to a diet and sticking with it for a month or two would quickly get those pounds off and get me pretty close to the weight at which I feel most comfortable (my clothes fit well, I am less self-conscious in a swimsuit, I don't feel jiggly when I run). I mean, its worked for me before. But yet, here I am again.

Because none of that was sustainable for me, and I need something I can do FOREVER.  I am DONE with losing and regaining and losing and rinse and repeat. I can't eat low-carb forever, I love pizza and French fries too much. Counting every calorie I put into my mouth made me crazy. I'm not sure we understand the long term health effects of ketogenesis. My family is finally at a place where we can all eat mostly the same things together for dinner, and its nice to share that with them. Its hard enough meal planning for one dinner a day, I just can't take the mental load of planning something different for myself. I'm definitely a moderator, not an abstainer. I don't WANT to be "free of French fries" and the thought of never having them again makes me want to run to the nearest pub and order 3 servings.

So I am going with the slow and unsteady approach of just...eating less. I'm writing down what I eat each day, weighing myself most days (works better for me than weekly, I can see the ups and downs and overall trend and not get discouraged), and trying to stick to some general principles (don't eat after dinner, try to push lunch as late as I can, avoid snacking between meals). But sometimes I'm super hungry after dinner or in the afternoon, and...I have a snack. It balances out, since occasionally I'm NOT hungry and I just...don't eat.

I'm working on my mindset around food. I am getting over my fear of being hungry---I will survive! It comes and goes in waves! and my feelings of scarcity---I will eventually have the opportunity to eat this amazing food again, and even if not, over-stuffing myself does not enhance the experience. I'm learning to completely uncouple exercise and food in my head, so I don't feel entitled to overeat on my workout days. Exercise is to make me stronger & faster, keep my heart/muscles/lungs/brain/ bones healthy and for stress relief. But I rarely burn enough calories to merit additional snacks, and I've also noticed that the more I work out, the less I move overall afterwards (this is a known phenomenon that's been studied).

So how's it going? I've gone up and down and as of today have lost a net of zero pounds. But I have only eaten after dinner once this month, I've noted everything I ate in my planner most days, I turned down a 3rd slice of pizza last weekend, and when we last went out to dinner, I left half the French fries on my plate. I'm hoping that I'm changing habits. Its a work in progress. I'll keep you guys updated.