Its been sunny and much warmer---the snow is melting away, leaving mud and slush behind. Thankfully I was able to get outside yesterday to soak up some rays, because its going to rain ALL WEEKEND.
I tried to make weekend plans---but the weather made it really hard and I gave up. So we have nothing scheduled, as usual. I can't even plan a run with a friend. G is being cagey about planning some time to hangout this weekend, he has a list of projects around the house to do and he is cagey about making plans in general. I guess I'll do chores and try to entertain the kids while he does his projects.
I worked hard to stay present and engaged with everyone this week. It absolutely made the evening go better, and helped me feel more connected. But I'm still tired of the same old thing every single f-ing day, weekday/weekend, fall/winter/spring. I'm tired of the same old &*(&* at work too. That realization that in outpatient medicine, its the squeaky wheel (with the most time/savvy/resources to ask and ask and ask and demand and complain) that gets the attention, not those that are most needing or deserving it. I'm tired of my kids complaining about school, and homework, and asking for junk food and dessert and video games all the damn time. And they are constantly hungry! I'm cooking and making snacks constantly and I AM TIRED OF IT.
I won't even go into the cluster*^$# with our school district. I will regret whatever I say. Or the extended family annoyances, but UGH. Haha should I mention the absolute bull#*%((#^$ that was our "division retreat" to foster "engagement" and "communication". My head nearly exploded from rage. Yes, lets make things easier for EVERY SINGLE PERSON except us, because we will always do what needs to be done for the patients, we don't have it in us to let things go, so sure, I can take on everyone else's jobs. No problem.
I think its the one year anniversary of this shit coming up, and remembering how naive I was, how "its only 2 weeks!". OMG. On the other hand, I'm glad I didn't know what to expect because how can you possibly go on knowing there is no end in sight?
Sorry for the rant. Only 2 hours until I go home, pour some wine, and lock myself away for an hour.
I know. I mean, I went into it thinking my kids would be off from school for maybe four or five weeks (because of lockdown + spring break) but A YEAR?! Although I do think had we known what was coming, we would have taken different approaches to many things.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I hear you. I'm getting off my computer now, ordering some take out, making a cocktail...
Have you thought about looking for a new job? You’re getting reasonably senior now, and maybe it’s time for a change at a different place? Life is so much easier living in a place with a functional government and school system. Just saying...
ReplyDeleteOne thought — and apologies if you’re looking for commiseration rather than suggestions — have you thought about making the boys make their own snacks and meals? The constant requests for service drive me crazy as well, and I’ve started telling Dyl to make her own food a lot of the time.