I understand the concept of structuring your time around your priorities. It makes sense---cut out the noise and you're left with a whole lot more space for the things that really matter---career, family, relationships. Sometimes that trivial stuff just has to get done, however. You know that stuff---buying things, returning things, alterations, grooming, organizing activities, home repairs, selling outgrown stuff or taking it to the donation store. Its not possible or practical to outsource many of these things, and even outsourcing requires a great deal of time & energy---find a contractor, call him, call him again when he doesn't show up, repeat.
I've had a huge pile-up of this kind of stuff lately, and am struggling to figure out how to get it all done without taking away from my family/work time.
I wonder sometimes if this is what finally pushes a family over the edge into deciding that someone needs to quit or scale-back their paid work. It adds up, creates mental clutter, and eventually leads you to fantasize about how nice it would be to have some time off to get it all done.
I have a friend who works part-time (50%, alternating 2 and 3 days a week, as a primary care MD) yet sends her two kids to daycare 5 days a week. I asked her what she does on her days off. One day she cooks for the week. The rest, is just this sort of miscellany. For a minute it sounded divine, no worrying and negotiating on who would take that giant box to the post-office or how to fit in a haircut or a doctor's appointment! On further thought...REALLY? It takes 2-3 days every week just for chores and errands? I would think one day a month would be sufficient. Wait a minute...I could probably swing that!
So instead of worrying about how this crap is going to get done, and wondering each day whether I could fit something in on the way to or from work, I'm just keeping a list and marking off a day on my calendar. Errands, appointments, shopping for anything that isn't emergent...all of that will happen on that day. Without this stuff in my head and on my to-do list, I really think I can be more productive and less stressed on the other 29 days of the month.
Anyone else have any strategies for dealing with the miscellany of life?
OMG I was just ranting to myself about this. Oh, and all that stuff you listed? Just imagine trying to get all that done when everybody in the world is completely incompetent.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, I had to schedule some imaging to follow up on an issue I had 2 years ago. Would you like to know how many phone calls this has taken? At least 7. So far. And then they scheduled an appointment for me next week and didn't tell me, even though I told them I couldn't go until September! So I had to make additional phone calls to cancel that appointment, reschedule, and then call to follow up on a totally unclear message left by the nurse about the documentation I'm supposed to bring with me (which nobody ever gave me, so I suppose I will have to take additional time to get that as well).
OMG it makes my head explode.
Oh, and don't get me started on the phone tag game.
ReplyDeleteYES! I've been playing phone tag with our Peds office---total of 4 phone calls on my end, 3 on their end. I finally spoke with a nurse who still needs to "check with the dr" to figure out the next step. Oh and incompetence is simply a given. I spent 30 minutes on the phone trying to activate my FSA debit card---the automated thing didn't work after 19 tries so I got switched from one person to another (with a hold in between each, of course) until someone could activate it. Thankfully I was walking the dog and making dinner during that so it wasn't a TOTAL timesuck.
DeleteThank goodness for earpieces. That sounds really frustrating.
DeleteIt really gets overwhelming! I often find myself trying to get things done on my way to/from work, but sometimes that's just not feasible (places aren't open, will take too long, etc.). I really like the idea of taking one day a month to get the non-essentials done - let us know how it goes!
ReplyDeleteTruthfully many (not all) of my SAH-friends often take just as long to do errands/chores, because they do have the time and don't feel that urgency. Work stretches to fill the time..I would think they would generally be less stressed out but oftentimes they seem as stressed (due to personalities) as working moms/parents.
ReplyDeleteI totally get your feeling and feel overwhelmed at times, but I also know that I often complete tasks much faster. And I am less hardcore about cleaning and chores so I can enjoy family time.
We've dealt with this a bunch of different ways. Earlier we had a list taped up on the wall of things that needed to get done, and eventually we hired a college student to do a year or two's worth of stuff all over the course of 3 days. Sometimes we'll take a day or two off to do it ourselves. Sometimes we'll devote weekend days.
ReplyDeleteSome stuff we do as routine. On Saturday mornings I go through the bills and other mail, which I have set up to be due mostly the same time. Whenever we're in the kitchen we do dishes. We do laundry together. Routine stuff doesn't take up mental space because it gets done when it usually gets done.
We do put a lot of stuff off. It's taken about a year to get DC1 signed up for piano lessons.
Also, we switched to a new Pedi office after having exactly that kind of trouble with the old one. The new one is set up much better!
Its not the routine stuff (bills, dishes, laundry, cooking)---we have a system for that. Even the semi-routine stuff like "pick up pet food, hair cut for G & boys" has a defined process. Its the one-off type stuff (return sandals that were ordered online & didn't fit, sell or give away maternity clothes, get pants hemmed). I think it'd take me longer to explain the tasks to someone than to do them myself, but I like the idea of hiring someone for a day or two to take care of a couple of years worth of stuff! I HATE wasting weekend time on this kind of crap. Maybe when the kids are older and don't need as much constant attention, one of us could sneak away & take care of this stuff without it being a hardship on the other. I've done the "put it off" for a while now, I'm trying to deal with the backlog!
DeleteCollege students are great at taking stuff to the recycling center and the goodwill closet to goodwill (and getting receipts) and looking for wallpaper and painting that section of wall white when said wallpaper can't be found, and so on. We had a big long list. (We've actually done this twice with a college kid, once when DC1 was little and once when we needed things to get done before sabbatical.)
DeleteI'm still on year 3 of not getting two pairs of pants suit bottoms hemmed. It was one of my new year's resolutions too. (I did do the other two nagging things I had as NY resolutions during a 3 day weekend.)
i love the one day off/month. it could be used for nagging tasks AND personal recharge, if there was time for both (. . . massage?). i look forward to the day when i'll actually have useable vacation days again!
ReplyDeleteDo you have TaskRabbit where you live? Friends of mine in the Bay Area swear by it for EXACTLY the stuff you're talking about - listing stuff for sale on Craigslist, cleaning out garage, etc etc. Basically you hire someone to help you with that little stuff, per job. And obviously if you find someone good you can keep rehiring them.
ReplyDeleteI will DEFINITELY say that I am less stressed out as a SAHM. I do have time to get the crap done (motivation is a different story, though). We are about to embark on a giant remodeling project and I am happy to manage the details, because I finally feel like I have time to do it.
I think your one day off/month plan is great - you might see how it goes, but I think I'd need two, just the way things go. It's also probably harder for you than for someone with a corporate desk job, because you can't just randomly make phone calls, do online stuff, etc in little breaks while you're at work, right?
Boo! No taskrabbit here (but "coming soon" apparently). I can make phone calls & do internet stuff from work most days (when I'm not on service or in clinic), its the physically having to go somewhere during working hours that is the problem.
DeleteOh the OTHER STUFF. Little by little we've found more efficient ways to deal with some of it. Like a cleaner that picks up and delivers, and charity that picks up every month or so...but it IS a time and energy suck, huh? I think the day a month plan is fabulous. Particularly if you can really fit in time for both personal stuff and household stuff.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely second the suggestion of making a list and then hiring a college student to work down it. If you want to scale down work, that's great, but there are other ways to get sandals back to the store.
ReplyDeleteOne of the nicest parts of making the switch from daycare to nanny was the availability of another adult to do some things. I try not to ask for much -- I know I can't get much done with three kids on hand -- but some stuff can work: picking up decorations for a birthday party, buying the kids new shoes, etc.