I left the PMD today with an rx for P@xil, more Ambi3n and a tetanus booster. Aaah, primary care!
She thinks the insomnia from the c3lexa will not get better, and in fact, will get worse with increased dose; she finds P@xil to be more sedating and less likely to cause insomnia. I'm game. I'll start it this weekend and see how it goes. The plan is to increase from 10 mg to 20 mg within the next month and then go back to my scheduled psych appointment.
The thought of a 5- or 10-year plan was really overwhelming for me right now, so I started small. I tried to picture the perfect day, or week, or weekend. My ideal evening involves less TV/internet/laying in bed reading and more going out and doing stuff, or just trying something new once in a while (while still allowing time to decompress/chill out). More socialization, less isolation (both at home and at work). Also deliberate time to plan and reflect, rather than just going from one thing to the next and wondering where the day/week/month went.
I'm taken by the idea of giving back to our community with time, in addition to the $ we already give. If we could make it a family activity, even better. Fostering animals for the shelter down the road? (bonus: kittens!) I could get more involved in our school's friends-of group, but it seems really political and extrovert-friendly---with schmoozing and money raising and planning events and manning booths and "partnering" with businesses. Those are not my strong suit. f they need someone to stuff envelopes or keep accounts or something, I'm in, though.
Some of this involves learning (or re-learning) what I actually find "fun". We usually spend our weekends trying to do things to entertain and exhaust the kids, with little regard to what we (or lets face it, I) actually enjoy. Other than my gym classes (which ARE fun for me), the rest of our weekends are fun in an other-focused "oh, I enjoy seeing the kids enjoy themselves" way. On rare occasions I may go out with friends, or we'll have a monthly-ish date night, but those evenings are usually focused on eating/drinking, maybe talking. Ideas I'm mulling over: taking a dance class, G & I taking some sort of class (not dance!) together---cooking? wine tasting?, learning a new hobby---knitting sounds relaxing, doing more relaxing activities like games/puzzles as a couple or family.
Its soothing to think about things, and realize I can make them happen. They are very small things, but small steps begin the journey.