So I think I am finally back at my awful baseline, mood-wise. Sleep is total crap, however, which really really sucks after thinking I had FINALLY kicked the months of insomnia that ruined the first half of 2016. I didn't make it to the gym this morning and I HATE when that happens, it actually makes me angry that the stupid sleep issues ruin the one thing I do that really impacts my mental health positively!
I saw the psychiatrist today. She was nice. She discussed either changing the medication altogether to a whole different class or giving it more time. Considering I've just come out from the deep end, I'm going to give it more time with the c3lexa. She also prescribed tr@zadone for sleep, but warned me it would make me super drowsy in the morning and to try it on the weekend. OK then. Not super excited to try that anymore. The bad news is that she doesn't think that the low dose (10 mg) will do much for me---in her experience, anxiety doses need to be much higher (up to 40 mg), but since I had such a rough patch with initiation, she would give me a few more weeks to get used to 10 mg before going to 20 mg. She did NOT think short-acting benzos were a good idea, but offered hydroxyzine, which I declined (also sedating).
So I'm sort of back where I started, which is fine, but also frustrating, because I was really quite ready to feel better already! My feelings about any topic right now range from total apathy to abject dread. I can't get excited about anything, including the impending weekend, cooler weather, date night, etc... Everything is just...blah. I've meant to contact some friends and I just can't myself into it. I've picked up and put down a few books---just not grabbing my attention. Actually G & I were going to go out after the kids were in bed last night, to get a drink or just walk around, and I really didn't feel like it.
Ugh. Sorry this blog is a total bummer these days! If anyone is still reading, thanks for your support!