I did see the doctor yesterday. After 10 minutes of background & some questions about therapy, support systems, habits...I left with a prescription for an SSRI. I don't expect to feel anything for 2-3 weeks (at the earliest). On the way home, I got a call from the psychiatrist office with the therapy group. They indeed hired someone new and they have lots of open slots to fill so I'm in to see her (him? can't tell from the name) in 2 weeks. I know that is too early to make any changes, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to get onto the schedule of a real live psychiatrist who TAKES MY INSURANCE so I'm going to go establish care.
In response to Deborah's comment on my last post---I don't think its unusual in the least for people to need to try many times to establish habits, even for things they truly believe will be beneficial to them. I've seen countless people make & break goals for things like flossing, exercise, "eating better"---just because its hard, and it doesn't stick after the first (or fourth!) time, doesn't mean its not worth doing. You do have to approach it differently until you find the way that works for you.
After reading a couple of different books, and talking to now TWO different therapists that strongly recommend it, I am pretty convinced that there is something to this meditation thing. It seems to be regarded by the psych community as a good tool for coping with anxiety. And I LIKE doing it! Its really hard not to think about things, and just focus on my breathing for 5-10 minutes, but when I can achieve it, even for a minute or two (which is realistically the most I have been able to achieve given my inconsistent practice), I feel really calm and almost happy for a short while afterwards. Also, when I am regularly doing my formal meditation, I find myself more likely to take the moments of downtime to breathe, look around, not think or distract or pull out my phone. Like going to the park with my kids and just looking at the sky instead of scrolling (again) through facebook.
This time I'm approaching it not as something that "probably would be good for me" but as a legitimate part of my treatment for my anxiety, along with the little orange pill I'll be taking every morning and the therapy sessions.Also, writing all THIS just makes me feel even MORE determined to stick to it and show everyone that I CAN do it...so there's that...
All the other habits I listed, I actually HAVE done successfully, for long stretches of time, so I know I can do them again. I did the shopping ban for a full year. I deliberately stopped it because I needed a few things, but shopping for even one thing means I'll end up needing/wanting many other things...once I give myself permission to look & buy, it opens some sort of floodgate! So instead of one pair of jeans and a couple of work pants and a dress and three shirts, I bought probably double that amount, and now I have way more than enough. I think doing long periods of shopping bans, followed by short periods of shopping when I do need something or want to refresh my clothes, is probably the best overall strategy for me in terms of saving money and keeping a reasonably sized wardrobe.
The benefits of drinking less are obvious, of course, and the majority of the time I am easily able to stick to a reasonable volume---but occasionally it creeps up, and I need to reset. This time, G is also on boards (finally!) which makes it beyond easy. The topic of "do you want a glass of wine?" just doesn't come up and the truth is, I'm totally fine drinking regular or seltzer water or having my new obsession, Yasso yogurt bars for when I feel like an evening treat.
Gotta run. Have a nice weekend. Its crazy hot here and our AC conked out last night...lots of time at the pool?