I did make it to my clinic Saturday morning and saw patients for a few hours. And Sunday I was delusional and thought I was better so I dragged the kids to a children's theater show (we have season tickets). They didn't want to go, and it honestly wasn't that good and I was spent by the time we got home. There was more screen time for the kids than usual, and WAY more screen time for myself.
I managed to finish two books, both of which I hated, on Saturday (a book club book which was TERRIBLE and I'd been slowly reading for a couple weeks, and I started & finished Go Set a Watchman...snooze). So Sunday I did relax the Unplugged rules a bit and caught up on all your blog posts (and comments sections), plus I watched 2 episodes of Gilmore Girls when G took the boys swimming. I'm not one for just following rules without understanding the rationale behind them. I decided to do the challenge because I wanted to be more present with my family at home & more productive at work and to see if staying away from the instant gratification of constant clicking & scrolling could improve my focus. On a day when I was just lolling in bed and couldn't spend time with my family or do work and certainly was not able to truly focus, what was the point of staying off the internet? I know it sounds like an excuse, and maybe it is, but to me its more about "questioning" and ensuring there is logic and reason behind my actions.
I'm not feeling 100% today, either, but I'm on consult service & the thought of trying to arrange coverage on Monday morning sounded worse than trudging into work, so I'm here. But instead of dutifully writing my paper between rounding sessions, I've just spent a solid hour on the internet (oops). On the plus side, I had finally made all the BuyNothingProject drop off and pickups I had planned so I deleted the Facebook app from my phone! I plan to go back to my rules tomorrow (I'm assuming I'll feel better?)
What I've learned so far:
- I don't really miss anything (facebook, random blogs I sometimes read)
- it is hard to really comment on blogs (and keep up with comments threads in general) in 20 minutes
- I don't suddenly stop procrastinating; but my procrastination can actually be useful. For example, I spent a lot of time last week reading through a backlog of articles (clinical & research related) instead of working on my paper. Some of those articles helped inform clinical decision-making, and others led to some thought on new avenues for my research.
- It is really an ingrained habit to pull my phone out when waiting for the elevator or the light to change. I did it several times without even noticing what I was doing.
- Perfect really is the enemy of good. I was not perfect. But if I checked my phone 5 times instead of 10 times a day, THAT'S STILL A LOT BETTER. I'd be ecstatic about a 50% change in a parameter in my research, why do I expect 100% of myself and consider it failure otherwise? The old me would flog myself, declare "well, it didn't work, I can't do it. I give up" and go back to 10 times a day because fuck it. The new improved me is trying to see this as a success----a step in the right direction---in fact, something to feel GOOD about. Lets get to 5 times a day consisently now. Maybe in the future I'll try for 2, or even zero.