Thought Salad

This social media/Unplugged challenge is impossible frustratingly difficult for me. I know this only makes it all the more necessary for me to do it, but I suspect one month isn't enough to lead to meaningful and lasting change. As opposed to food, which you may think of constantly (just me?) but only have to make decisions about 4-5 times a day, there are INFINITE opportunities for making the wrong decision here. I can literally pull out my phone and check email any second of the day. Anytime I am sitting at my desk working on my computer is a time that I can open up a new tab on the browser and read a blog. Retraining my brain to stay focused is not going to be an easy process, but in the spirit of #noexcuses, and knowing that this change could make a significant positive impact on my life, I fully intend keep trying. If not now, then when, and all that.

In addition to not using my phone during the evenings, I'm also trying to refrain from using those precious few hours between getting home & kid bedtime to do chores. It is so tempting to try to "get everything done" so I can relax (or, lately, go to bed) as soon as they are down. But I miss out on a lot doing that. Last night for example, yielded this conversation:

Scene: B, coloring. Me, about to go up the stairs to do...something.
B: "Mom am I a white people or a black people"?
Me: "You're brown people"
B: "Mr K (teacher) said I'm an Indian"
Me: "Well yes, you are an Indian but your skin is brown which is why I said that"
B: "Am I REALLY an Indian? So how come we don't have those feathers"
Me: time to have the "dots not feathers" talk "blah blah blah, the country...Asia...our relatives...Native Americans...Christopher Colombus...etc..."
B, looking at brown arms "But my SKIN is white, right?"
Me: sorry, kid. "no, its not"...."but you've been learning about how the color of your skin shouldn't matter, right?"
B: "yeah! Martin Luther King! People used to think people were bad if they had black skin but now they know better, right?"
Me: ummmm "yeah, WE know better"

Thanks to a recommendation from Noemi, I checked out Dr Laura Markham's website & blog (and I have the book on hold at the library "Peaceful parents, happy kids" ). I actually do like a lot of her philosophy, as did G, when I sent him some articles. He did feel some of the things she recommended seemed "forced and unnatural" but I reminded him that what was "natural" to us was apparently losing our tempers and yelling at them, so.... I was thinking to myself "I wish I'd found this sooner", but then I remembered that I had, in fact, stumbled upon her site a few years back, searching for help for B's explosive tantrums. And I HATED her message at that time! I thought the idea of a "time in" where I held onto my thrashing, hitting kid and validated his feelings without any disciplinary action was way too soft and woo-woo out there. I thought kids needed boundaries & limits & consequences (also verboten in the Dr Laura world). I guess it took a few years of trying many many versions of that to no avail (and an often chaotic, and stress-filled home) to realize I was wrong and I need to be open to new ideas.

I still need to finish "No Drama Discipline" and I'll write a review of that. So far, I LOVE this book. I bought it, and plan to mark it all up with notes & tabs.

Its going to be bitterly cold this weekend. I'm not dreading it (who am I)? Not only have I not been hating winter this year, I daresay I've been enjoying it.  I even found the early darkness really cozy and intimate and I'm starting to MISS it (who am I?).  We have our list of "winter fun" activities to choose from---I'm thinking bowling and swimming this weekend, and the boys will go to the children's museum since they are off on Monday (I'm not). We all have the proper gear and (this may be the key) the boys can PUT IT ON THEMSELVES. Trying to get gloves onto chubby little fingers when you're in a hurry is my little version of hell. I'll go to the gym (finally feeling better, yay!) and we'll have an activity each afternoon, and screen time in the evening.

Thus ends the thought salad. More to come...