I've decided that I need to Kon-Marie my LIFE. I suspect I'm spending my time and energy on things that don't bring joy or utility to my life. I am squandering my precious minutes and hours on things that don't matter, that suck away my joy and satisfaction and don't bring me any closer to my goals? And yes, simply being content with life and enjoying this phase is a goal.
What brought this on? Another weekend that was neither relaxing nor
refreshing. Our weekends lately just seem like a long-ass slog of chores
& yelling at kids. I was thinking to myself last night, as I sorted
through some clothes and threw some out, "you know what REALLY doesn't spark joy? F&*king Sundays". The day was busy, there was no "sitting around" but yet not one single thing could be described as FUN (I'll spare you the play by play). As I threw more ill-fitting sweaters and outdated tanks into the donation pile and looked at my neat, colorful, pretty tops fitting with plenty of room to spare in my drawer, I realized I actually could do the same thing with my life.
I've been feeling really overwhelmed with everything lately. Part of it is the not-sleeping, and the loss of efficiency and focus that mean I'm falling behind at work and too tired at home to keep up with all that needs doing (and what I do end up doing just seems a thousand times more onerous). The other part is simply that a lot is going on right now. WHEN am I supposed to do this? I wake up early as it is, and those hours are for exercise, chores, childcare, work. The only time I really get to think is on my walk to and from work and that time is generally used for planning my day and motivating myself to tackle the hard things first (in the morning) and again gearing myself up to be patient & present with my children and figuring out what to feed everyone for dinner (the evening walk).
I keep trying to institute new habits (meditate, journal, budget, spend less, limit social media, track steps, track calories, go to therapy, go to another kind of therapy, eat less, exercise, do this other exercise, and now this OTHER exercise, eat low carb, etc.. etc...), hoping this or that will "help" but there are just so many things competing for my mental energy right now---I can't figure out how to do it all and I just keep picking up and abandoning things. I need a more integrated plan that incorporates all the different aspects of my life and includes only the habits/activities that seem like they would make the most difference.
I also need to look at how I'm spending my time and see what I can cut. I know I spend time on things I really shouldn't---not because they are "bad" for me (I'm not planning on cutting down on good TV, for example!)---but because they are things I "should" do that I don't find pleasurable or helpful anymore (if ever). Example: while I LOVED our budget when we first started it, we keep forgetting to entire our expenses these days and then every couple of weeks I have to spend a lot of time going through our credit card & bank statements and adding things in. Which: 1) isn't the point of YNAB. If you aren't looking at the budget before buying something, its not doing much to change your habits and 2) its a real PITA and I get stressed out when I have to enter G's spending into his "fun money" category. The whole point of giving him an allowance is so that he could spend without me caring (or knowing, I didn't' go into the app and scrutinize his purchases!). When I have to see each purchase (and often ask him about it)---the stress/nagging aspect are back. I'm sure there are plenty more examples.
Like the Kon-Marie for clutter, you first need to assess the situation. This means tracking my time. I am going to go back and think through this weekend and I started tracking at work today. No, its not an "ordinary day"---L inexplicably has no school today (WHY?) so we split up the day and I'm at home now & had to give up on real working because of the constant "mommy, mommy, mommy" and the clinging to my leg "NOW what are you doing" "NOW can you play with me?". I am traveling later this week/weekend for a work conference so I'll have some solitude a can hopefully figure something out.
..and, of course, share it all here with you!