Its really all about attitude, isn't it? Why else can I feel incredibly content and grateful about my life one month and completely exasperated and overwhelmed the next...when nothing has fundamentally changed? Sure, sometimes I can pinpoint a particular stressor, like an illness or a deadline or a rejection that I can blame the bad mood on. Often, though, there is nothing different beyond the alignment of the stars or the firing pattern of my neurotransmitters.
I still absolutely think evaluating my priorities and how I spend my time is important, and I'm planning to do it...but I don't think I'm going to find anything earth-shattering there. Most of what I do just has to be done. I know from past experience that listing everything out, and seeing how much my life DOES actually revolve around the things that are important to me, actually helps me feel more satisfied with my choices.
I also realized the source of most of my discontent is not my actual activities--the kinds of things you can enter into a time log---but the countless things I'm thinking about, worrying about, "working on". My mental space is cluttered with shoulds and what-ifs and what-thens. Its crowded in there, and I can't see the forest for the trees---what am I really trying to accomplish with my parenting, my work, my relationships, my health? Not all the things I read and internalized and felt I should do, but the top 1-2-3 things that actually matter to me.
And somewhere in that list, I'm going to make sure that "fun" is included. It seems to have slipped out of my life lately. The fun should not come at the end when everything is done...because it is never done. I keep waiting to get to some magical place where all my responsibilities are taken care of and THEN I can relax. But I never get there. I just need to make it happen.
I took the kids out of town for 28 hours last week, immediately following a major committee meeting and in the midst of major work chaos. I deliberately did not bring my laptop. Even though LG had hers, it didn't occur to me to check email. It was so liberating (and worth the 70 messages to which i returned!)
ReplyDeleteThat is, schedule the fun. The to do list isn't going anywhere...
"schedule the fun"...see LV's post from today about the opposite viewpoint. (I agree that I need to schedule it. if i waited for spontaneity the only thing that would happen is wild spontaneous laundry)
DeleteGood luck!
ReplyDeleteYep. I promised myself to try to go out and have fun with people who are not my husband or daughter once a month. It helps. It's basically the only thing that does.
ReplyDeleteOnce a month. That sounds doable and would be something to look forward to.
DeleteI think I'll give that idea a try. Thanks!
I don't know if you saw it, but my blog friend Lara commented on my last post and said a lot of the same thing - that she spends lots of time analyzing her life, only to decide she either can't change things or doesn't want to. I wonder if that is what is going to happen to me as well. Then I wonder (hope?) that perhaps it's still a useful exercise. I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely think its a useful exercise for the reason Lara stated---she realized that she has pretty much what she wants and this is it. I'd LOVE to end up realizing that my life is near perfect and there is nothing big to change.
DeleteI agree ... I often realize that there isn't much I can opt NOT to do, but maybe I don't need to do it all when I do it? Maybe I can postpone some things, so I can fit fun in before the work is done (because, as you say, the work is never done)?
ReplyDeleteSo true. In order to really be meaningful, it really does need to impact your attitude. It's one thing to decide that you just aren't going to dedicate any time but Saturday afternoon to organizing and cleaning house because you would rather dedicate the time elsewhere but it's another to accept that you will be living in a place that is very untidy for much of the week. In a way, it's about lowering some of your standards to the point that you can let things go. But when the letting go is purposeful, you can keep your mind on what you are embracing, as in- yeah, the place is a mess but I'm deciding to take my time and make some dinner and have a glass of wine while doing it - and the mess can screw itself.
ReplyDelete"the letting go is purposeful"---yes. this is what I need. To let go without guilt or stress. Just realize it is not a priority and own the fact that I'm not going to address it. (vs procrastinating, trying to ignore, feeling the weight of the undone thing on my shoulders until I give in and just do it)
Delete3 billion times yes to this: "The fun should not come at the end when everything is done...because it is never done." It's hard because I don't really enjoy the "fun" when the "have to do" is hanging over my head. But you're right, the "have to do" is never really done.
ReplyDeleteThat's where I'm stuck. How do I get rid of the nagging feeling of something to do hanging over my head to truly enjoy the fun? Honestly, I feel twitchy and uneasy, I CANNOT relax and play with the kids when the kitchen needs to be cleaned up after dinner, for example. Maybe practice helps?
DeleteI haven't been able to ever get rid of that. No matter what I try or how hard I try. Instead I relish the guilty pleasure that comes with stealing time from procrastination.
DeleteI think it's a combination of Catholic upbringing and being an academic. I also find when I have nothing on my to-do list first I get deeply depressed. And then I start getting into trouble making things for me to do. Then I start working on creative stuff. It is far far better for me mentally to just deal with always having a longer to-do list than I can ever complete and ambition and a complicated set of commitment devices.
I do envy people who can schedule in the fun and not procrastinate and so on. But I cannot emulate them. Even though I've been able to get rid of most of my Catholic guilt. I mean, I'm not a total loss-- this is being typed during a pomodoro style break, but still.
I just wrote a bit about this in relation to my spring break. I have so much on my to-do list I could spend every minute of time without the kids working on that stuff and still not get done. And yet, there are things I REALLY would love to do with that time... I'll definitely try to do the fun things, but I know I'll struggle enjoying them when I know I have other, more productive things, I could be doing with that time. That is definitely my dilemma. If you figure it out, please let us know.
ReplyDeleteFor me, my attitude is all about the sleep. Yesterday - my attitude was, well - cranky pants rants. Today, it's even keel and positive. The only thing that is different- how much sleep I got the night before...
ReplyDelete