Feeling Alive, part 2

So as I read your answers to my question in the last post ("What makes you feel alive?") I realized that the responses could be divided into 2 categories.

Category A: experiencing the wonders the world has to offer. i.e Pleasure. Whether its f&cking tea, or something real people actually enjoy, like food, sex, wine, books, cute kiddy cuddles, nature,  music---this category includes the things that delight our senses (see, crazy podcast lady was actually on to something!) and bring us joy.

Category B: what I was actually getting at with the Walter White reference, which may have been clearer had I highlighted the first part of the quote "I liked it. I was good at it....I was alive". This is about the satisfaction and pride that comes from doing something...and rocking it. For example (to use your examples): managing a medical crisis, giving a great talk, connecting with a patient, seeing your students make a breakthrough and love the subject you are teaching.

I'm doing OK with category A. I'm sure I could do a better job maximizing the more "healthy" pleasures to replace some of the more indulgent ones (food, booze, shopping), but overall I know what I like and I do have plenty of those things in my life. But while a life spent in total hedonism, flitting from pleasure to pleasure sounds pretty awesome right now (I really need a vacation!), it would eventually feel rather empty without some larger purpose and drive.

And that, the category B, is what  I haven't quite figured out. What really "lights me up" and makes me feel alive at work? There are a few things---pretty similar to what you guys mentioned---managing crises, connecting with patients, teaching, giving good presentations and talks. Also work-related: coming up with a new research idea & realizing it actually has some merit, analyzing data and finding it supports your hypothesis, doing a procedure really well. (A few months ago, I may have said something along the lines of "crafting an awesome grant proposal", but clearly I am deluding myself there). Outside of work: learning something new, making something that actually turns out like its supposed to (a recipe, a project), navigating a tricky situation with my kids (i.e. pulling out patience and creativity and compassion from somewhere and making it through without tears or yelling. this is so rare it feels awesome when I can do it), challenging myself (and meeting the challenge) in a physical endeavor.

I've thought a lot, and actively worked to incorporate, more pleasurable activities in my life, but I haven't really considered the category B stuff. I need to figure out what fires me up and actually plan out how I can incorporate more of that into work and home.