Friday, March 11, 2016

Can I have a treat?

My children ask me this question constantly. Well, when they are not demanding "Give me a treat! I want a treat!" I've explained to them that they are called "treats" because they aren't part of our routine, and having them every day would make them less special. They saw the logic in that and are quite understanding. HA!!

I enjoy giving my kids treats. Like any loving parent, I love seeing them happy and excited. They have categorized our treats into: "eating treats", "drinking treats" (juice is a VERY big treat in our house), "watching treats" (they LOVE their screen time) and the highly coveted "special things" (non-consumable items). Other treats include outings and, of course, vacations.

I also believe that grown-ups need treats. And while my definition of "drinking treat" may be a bit different, overall I enjoy the same categories. I am definitely in the camp that believes that occasional indulgences are healthy and necessary. And while you don't need a reason to treat yourself,  I like the idea of strategically timing treats to lift you out of a bad mood or as a reprieve from a rough time.

Of course I would use the obvious disclaimer "as long as it does not derail your overall financial, health or other goals". And there is no reason that it should! You don't have to go all Donna/Tom "Treat Yo'self Day" and blow your monthly budget! Treats can be completely free! They can be healthy! My kids are ecstatically happy to get a popsicle, go on a mommy-son outing to the library, or when we get them a new set of colored pencils for their "art". Similarly, adult treats don't have to break the bank or your diet.

Which is why the recent article from our favorite frugal bloggers really irked me on so many levels. If the post had just said that spending tons of money on treats is a bad idea when you are trying to get out of debt or meet a savings goal, and then listed some ways to treat yo'self on the cheap, I would have totally bought it. But to argue that treats are BAD and indicate some underlying problem in your life, and that treating yourself even once puts you on the slippery slope to bankrupcy....its a bit much.

I once read a blog post (years ago, can't recall where) in which the blogger, who was trying to cut down on spending, listed the treat cravings she had and then outlined how she fulfilled those cravings on the cheap. It was creative and quite useful. I like the idea of identifying what you are actually wanting when you get the urge to go out to dinner or buy a new dress. I mean, sometimes you really just want to do those exact things, but sometimes you can fool yourself with something easier on your budget. For example---on really nice spring days, I sometimes feel like going to a restaurant and sitting at a sidewalk table, eating food that I don't have to clean up after, people watching, enjoying the sun and breeze. I realized we can get a similar experience taking a picnic to the park, just packing up our dinner or getting something inexpensive from the deli.

Many treats can be absolutely free. With our suddenly nice weather, I've been envious of the runners I see on my way home from work. I'm trying to work out how I can fit in an evening run on a sunny day.  Diving into a new book (from the library) is one of my favorite things to do---I look forward all day to 8 pm when I can head upstairs and lose myself in the story. Taking my morning coffee to the living room and reading for 15 minutes (instead of my usual routine of emptying dishwasher and packing lunch while I drink it), is a treat. Or putting off the chores on the weekend and watching an episode of a TV show. Some people really enjoy things like candles and long baths. A perfect cup of coffee or tea. Going to yoga or dance or anything else you enjoy. Listening to your favorite music. Going to bed early or sleeping in.

But I am also totally OK with spending some $$ to treat myself on occasion. As long as...disclaimer...etc... I don't think its "bad" to spend money on things that are not completely "necessary" but that add joy to your life. We went out to dinner on Tuesday, and it was just what we needed. I also recently bought myself some cuter workout wear and a few spring tops, and I can't wait to wear them! We have a sitter coming Saturday night. We are going to a school fundraiser but may also squeeze in a drink or dessert before/after the event just...because. I am spending a lot of happy moments planning out our summer trip---while I'm mindful of our budget, I am not looking for the cheapest options either. I want it to feel like a modest luxury, since we go on vacation so rarely.

There is absolutely no danger that I'm going to suddenly lose my head and ramp up that hedonic treadmill and start going to dinner every other day or book first class flights & 5-star hotels for our vacation. I am sticking to the budget. I fully remember that having treats all the time will make them less special.

In summary, treats are good. Just don't go nuts. The end. (this whole post seems a bit...duh...but I had to write a counterpoint to that post and the millions of "you are SO RIGHT" comments)




26 comments:

  1. I think this is the great challenge of being a responsible adult in a wealthy society. We have choices! We have more money that we need to simply meet our basic needs. This is a nice position to be in. And it gives us choices that are not always easy. I personally only get upset when I clearly get it wrong by buying something that simply doesn't live up to the purpose that I hoped it would serve - or isn't worth the money that I spent on it.

    I know that you get pretty irked by the imperial frugalist bloggers out there but I think it comes down to the subject of your recent posts. There is little more gratifying than being extremely good at something. For some individuals, the ability to save far greater than average sums of money falls clearly into this category.

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    1. In honesty, I completely agree with your second paragraph. I don't actually get angry/upset by those bloggers, but I like writing my dissent, and I may exaggerate my annoyance for effect :) I do admire said blogger's expertise & commitment to frugality, and she's a great writer to boot. What does irk me is the lack of any alternate viewpoints or dissent, even in the comment section. Since there isn't room for debate on their blog, I bring it to my own space.

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    2. And yes, I absolutely get upset when my money is "wasted" on things that don't live up to my expectation, though I'm working on just moving on and chalking it up to the "price of experience"

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    3. Oh yes. Exaggerate away. In all honesty, I find myself getting pretty annoyed too, despite the fact that I most likely fall into the category of "frugal weirdo".

      I suspect that some of the extremist nature of those sentiments comes as a reactionary response to the more common tendency towards overconsumption. But I think that deep down it is really about control. And, just the way that healthy eating can morph into an eating disorder when it is hijacked in the service of exerting control over one's circumstances, the same can apply to our relationship to finances. I guess I prefer to let go of some of that control and accept the consequences of those damn shoes that looked so adorable but hurt my feet than to risk going down that road.

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    4. YES. I agree that it is about control, I think I wrote about my tendency to get a bit restrictive and numbers-obsessed with food & budget when everything else is falling apart around me. I usually notice it and can step back from it and in honesty I"m not committed enough to actually lose weight or save much money, but I get it. I wore some gorgeous but feet-killer shoes this weekend, that I bought before I started this whole budget thing. I'm overall glad that I stopped this specific category of purchases, it took a whole day for my feet to recover.

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  2. Yeah I agree with everything you say! (And even caught that tea reference!) I do think it's tricky with kids when treat=every day thing. We don't use that word (not strategic, I just don't). they do eat dessert every day, and have a limited amount of (highly coveted) screen time and the occasional vacation...

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    1. yeah, if it happens every day, its a habit, not a treat. we sometimes fall into daily desserts (I'm sure its going to happen now, because my husband bought a HUGE pack of popsicles yesterday) and then its just an expectation AND it becomes "not enough". So they are super excited about popsicles, but after having them daily for a week they'll want something more AFTER the popsicle. I try to keep it really random and unexpected.

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  3. That post you liked was one of ours based on a blogger comment that we highlighted. I will dig it up next time I'm at my computer.

    Treats are awesome!

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    1. Here it is, courtesy of Debbie M!

      https://nicoleandmaggie.wordpress.com/2013/03/15/ask-the-grumpies-lower-cost-pampering-substitutes/

      I have two more tea related puns that I'm waiting for an opportunity to use, but I haven't found the context yet. Like, I'd put one here, but then you'd be like, "Well, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?" So I can't.

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    2. Hm, though maybe you weren't reading us yet at that point. Anyway, it was a great comment by Debbie M.

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    3. It was oilandgarlic! I knew it was someone who stopped blogging.

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    4. She hasn't actually stopped blogging-- she's now posting/blogging as middle class revolution.

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    5. I did not make that connection!

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    6. btw, for your readers, here's oilandgarlic's post. She had a really cool flow chart: https://oilandgarlic.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/frugal-substitutes-the-master-list/

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    7. Thanks for the link. I haven't linked back to my old blog yet but N&M made the connection a while ago. My new haunt started out as less personal and more financial/political but it's boring without the personal touch.

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  4. I don't think I'd get through life as a physician (and I certainly wouldn't have made it through my licensing exam) if I didn't have treats for those days when work and life are just hard. I love your idea of "strategically timing treats to lift you out of a bad mood or as a reprieve from a rough time", and it's something I definitely try to do.

    When I'm not treating myself on a daily basis, that is.

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    1. yeah, i'm recovering from a "daily basis" type situation here myself. Mostly in the form of carbs...but definitely better as a "once in a while" then a "daily and expected" thing.

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  5. LOVE THIS. i have my (somewhat similar) post half written :) i love treats. not all treats have to be healthy or virtuous either. moderation is a thing for a reason.

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  6. Yeah, this is part of the reason I stopped reading that blog. Consumption not being the road to happiness/living within your means? Of course. Treating one meal out/one new dress as if it's the end of the world? No.
    I often wonder what I would think about if I was dying, either tomorrow or in 60 years. I'm pretty sure the chance I would think "I wish I hadn't bought that fancy chocolate or gone out for those dinners with friends and saved more money" is zero.

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    1. It's weird because I thought she had a post a while back talking about how they went out while they were on vacation and enjoyed it more because it was a rare treat. I vaguely remember pictures of breakfast.

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    2. Yes, it's true, I've seen those posts re: anniversary (or birthday?) dinner out too... but I meant more this: http://www.frugalwoods.com/2015/03/20/weekly-woot-grumble-that-one-time-i-forgot-my-lunch-and-our-car-inspection/
      I'm more on Ana's page - if it's everyday it's not really a treat but I think there's a bit of space between everyday (or at the expense of your finances, health and ability to feel gratitude) and once a year/never.

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    3. I'm glad I can enjoy most treats without guilt!

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    4. How stressed out she felt about having to buy lunch one day turned me off, too. I'd be annoyed if I left my lunch at home, too, but there is no room in my life for that kind of stress over $5-$10.

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    5. Not having to stress out when I do something dumb is one of the primary reasons we have so much money saved.

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  7. i read the post you're referencing and it made me feel guilty for my coping mechanism to get through residency, which, aside from exercising, involves buying something from my wish list (which i've budgeted for) after difficult rotations. there is definitely a time and a place for treats.

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    1. oh yes. during residency, the very act of shopping made me feel human and part of the real world again. I definitely had my (reasonable, well within my budget) treats.

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