Its right there, in the subtitle of my blog...the reason I started writing here was to organize my thoughts in the hopes that this would spark some sort of evolution that would ultimately lead me to acceptance of my "real adult life".
My initial reaction when I remembered this, was "ha!" I'm exactly the same person, only more gray hair, wrinkles, and cynicism. But on further reflection, while my outside life is pretty much what it was 6 years ago, my inner life has changed dramatically.
I actually have focused a good portion of my energy on improving my state of mind, and through therapy, meditation, medication, exercise, socializing, and yes writing, I think I'm in a pretty good place. I'm still working on it, still searching for that ideal balance between striving and acceptance, dialing down my reactivity so that I don't yell so damn much at my kids, and substituting healthy austere coping mechanisms for wine and carbs. But even being able to articulate what I am working on is a huge HUGE step forward from the constant chaos of anxiety and overwhelm I was dealing with back then.
Anyways, just some deep thoughts on a gray and rainy Friday morning when my first two patients have canceled. The snow (!!!) in the forecast for tomorrow has been replaced with rain, which still leaves our schedule a bit iffy with the first spring running club and T-ball game on the docket (and basketball in between, but that's indoors at least). I have to drive the kids in the car solo for the first time which I'm a bit nervous about. We also have to do our &^$*% taxes. Oh well. Maybe we'll have some pizza to make up for it.