Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Yellow Carnations and Red Roses

The ugliest combination of flowers ever and the live for f&*ng ever to boot.

A couple of weekends ago, G & B went to the store and came home with flowers "for Valentine's Day" and those were what my son chose. It was so sweet of him! And yet, when I saw those flowers still fresh and bright sitting on our table yesterday I just noticed how hideous they were and wished G had talked him into some tulips (my favorite!) and wondered if it was too soon to throw them out.

Yes, I am was a total b. I was in SUCH a foul mood yesterday, it wasn't until I caught those ugly thoughts (far uglier than the ugliest flowers!) that I realized how extremely negative my thinking had turned. We all have those days, the "I hate everyone and everything" kind of days, right? They pop up, seemingly out of nowhere, but actually triggered by constant little annoyances/disappointments/ anxieties combined with a night or two of poor sleep for good measure.

Thankfully I recognized it before taking it out on my family. I asked G to clean up the kitchen and put the kids to bed, and went to bed very early. Woke up early and had a nice run with a friend. And came into work early to cross some things of the list. I feel MUCH better now. I only hate MOST PEOPLE and MOST THINGS, but that's normal, right? hah.

Monday, February 24, 2020


Everyone (except me!) in our house has been very sick and I've had to strip down to the bare essentials in life---see patients, take care of family, and sleep/exercise to save my sanity. So the house is a mess, non-clinical work has been COMPLETELY ignored and is piling up horrifically, and writing here has certainly not happened.

I think we are seeing the light at the end of this particular tunnel---B was fever-free (but still exhausted, coughing painfully, and not eating) this morning. He'll stay home today with G (who is also still sick, but slightly better) and hopefully all will be off to their appropriate places tomorrow.

This weekend kinda sucked. The highlight was a 6 mile run Saturday morning with 2 friends. Yesterday I made a big batch of vegan African peanut stew (adapted from several recipes I've used over the years) which was satisfying. Otherwise I was pretty much at home doing chores & administering to sick people. (And snacking too much, whoops).

Oh! And baby sitter searching because the icing on the shit cake that was this weekend: our babysitter quit with ONE WEEK NOTICE. OMG. So there's that. She wasn't that great but a reliable adult is all I ask for at this point.

And I'm on call this week! Yay! Week 5/6 of this academic year. I've also scheduled lots of clinic patients and still need to catch up on the paper revisions and paper reviews that are due this week. I really really really really hope I don't catch what they had!

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Running Start

I can't believe I've been running again regularly, after many years off. I've gone twice a week all month and it feels SO GOOD to be out in the crisp, cool mornings (with pleasant company!) that I actually have to stop myself from adding another day. I know my knees/hips would start to protest if I upped the frequency and I'm going for a sustainable habit.

I downloaded the "RunTracker" app which gives me distance and pace, including splits, so that's some fun data to follow. I average 9.5 minutes/mile most days (today was drizzly and slow, closer to 10 minutes/mile). Weekday runs are 3 miles, weekends we do a bit more (4-5 so far, nothing crazy!)

I hope I can keep this up---I'm worried that the heat will do me in later, my perfect running temp is in the 30s/40s and we've had exactly that all month (weirdly and somewhat alarmingly, since ITS SUPPOSED TO BE COLDER).

The one downside is that running makes me HUNGRY way more than any other exercise. So on the calorie side, I'm sure its a wash.

On a completely different topic: I am inspired by SHU's idea to time track her call week and plan to do that later this month. I am hoping it can help me further shift my mindset from pre-call dread and during-call hatred and complaining to realizing that while it CAN be terrible, it can also be no big deal, so I should just take it as it comes.