Thursday, December 5, 2013

Oh, you don't wanna waste your life, now darling

Change, change, change....*

I'm no good at change. I get stuck in a rut and start to really like my rut, and get all cozy and comfortable with my rut, and suddenly its like "my beloved rut, don't leave me!!" You get the point.

Its time though.  I need some sort of shake up, because even my most-beloved rut is starting to get old and lame. I'm not even considering anything major. I'm not quitting my job, or moving, or even taking the kids out of their daycare. Even the tiniest tweaks in routine seem ginormous when you're deep in the rut, though.

I'm sure its news to no one that both G & I are quite often flustered and stressed and exhausted, and we are trying to fix it by changing our attitudes about if we would stop feeling stressed and exhausted if we "re-framed" things as FUN and MEANINGFUL. And sure, having a good attitude is certainly PART of it. But the other part is actually making changes to reduce the activities that drain our energy and increase those that restore it.

I'm still working this out, but a few areas for change I've identified include:
  • the morning routine (or lack thereof)
  • the evening routine (i.e. Ana's second job)
  • weekend chores
  • alone time for both of us
  • quality marriage time
I'm also putting together a list of things I want to try to do in the upcoming year. Its getting pretty long and extremely exciting. And strangely enough, completely do-able, with enough advanced planning.

I need to talk to G about all of this of course, and that could well be the sticking point (it has been in the past). As much as I hate change, G hates planning. We've had these conversations almost annually, about wanting to change things, making it easier on all of us, and yet nothing ever happens. I'm actually writing this here for some kind of accountability. If I need to report on progress, it makes me much more likely to follow through (for a high achiever, I'm not that internally motivated, it turns out).
*does anyone get the reference?


  1. 1) don't get the reference - all i can think of is "chain - chain - chainnnnnnn . . . chain of fools" but i don't think it's what you were getting at :)

    2) excited for your projects/areas of focus to come! as for the motivation,does that make you an obliger (of gretchen rubin's 4 tendencies?)

    3) can't wait to see your list! you had better be planning to share it!!

    1. 2) Yes. Though also a questioner. And a person who HATES those types of "personality" categories. Don't get me started on Meyers-Briggs (actually I have a post brewing about that...)

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  3. I am also excited to hear about your projects. More please!

    I think we are married to the same person. One of the things that drives me crazy about my husband is his refusal to plan anything any more than 12 hours in advance. On the flip side, maybe our husbands would say that our medical training has made us OCD about planning. Ha.

    Is this another Counting Crows reference? Is one of your projects updating your music collection to stuff that came out after 1995? ;-)

    1. I wonder if our husbands would be friends.... (I'm trying to match-make friends for G so he can get out of the house sometime)

    2. At very least they could make fun of us and our crazy doctor lifestyles. What does G like to do?

  4. Every time I open this page, I get, "And ana begins to change her mind"-- the a-capella version we have, not the original Counting Crows.

    Though when I see "change change change" I hear "to every thing turn turn turn"... but "chain chain chain" is probably better!

    Chores suck when they take over your life. Hope you find someplace in the budget to outsource more because that might be easier than caring less.

    1. To be honest, there isn't anything else it makes sense to outsource (I enjoy walking the dog, and I've mentioned before that no one is going to come over to wash our dinner dishes every night and pick up legos from the floor...unless we hired a full-time maid!)

    2. Someone could totally come over every night to wash dishes and pick up legos. That's within the purview of a neighborhood teenager. It is amazing what you can outsource.

  5. OMDG had me pegged, its in the title of the post, from "A Murder of One" another one of my fave CC songs. I am most definitely going to post the list, once its done. I might try to do one of those deals where I can cross things off as I do them...

  6. I would love to see the list. And I need to write one myself.
    Laughing about the 1995 music. We have pretty much every CD that came out in 1993 in our house...and absolutely none from any other years. Strange!

  7. It's very scary that I am stuck in a similar rut and need that same list to strengthen my marriage!

    Ex: I also have the night routine (2nd job) but it's bath time and dinner, so not things I would like to outsource, just something to take turns with my husband so I'm not always the one doing this. Ditto for weekend chores. I tend to do more than my husband does, although he's always tackling bigger projects.

    Alone time or Couple Time -- it seems to be one or the other for us. There's just not enough time in the day or weekend, but right now we kind of alternate between alone or couple time I guess. My "alone" time is either exercise or meeting up with friends though i get in some reading most evenings. We really need couple time but still can't seem to plan anything..

  8. I remember watching a talk show (The View, maybe but it seems to be more of a one-on-one show in my memory) where they were interviewing a celebrity couple (someone current) who had been married for 20 or 25 yrs and they asked the secret to their longevity (in any marriage but certainly a Hollywood one) and the husband said that once a year, religiously, they spend time discussing what each person needs/wants out of their relationship as every long term relationship has its ebbs/flows and as people grow and change, so do their needs from their mates.

    It has stuck with me as VERY good advice. It helps keep things fresh while speaking directly to the needs of each person in the relationship.

  9. Good for you, and please do update whenever updates are up and ready to share.
    Changing routines for the better, also known as improvement of lives, are always welcome, so yes, do share. Good luck,

  10. Every six months hubby and I say we have to make changes to our relationship, sit down every week and have a good talk....and then we don't. I say I should walk the dog after dinner...and I don't. I used to be good at this stuff.....I hate change. But once again we have decided to stop eating candy in the New Year (cause Christmas is coming and that's not going to work). Wish me luck.