Monday, October 6, 2014

Birthday weekend and other updates

L turned 3 this weekend. He was pretty excited about having "my birthday" but we soon realized that "my birthday" in his mind translated to "birthday cake". So it was a frustrating and confusing day for him since the cake was planned for after dinner.  We also had some meltdowns from B who just couldn't get his mind around someone other than him getting attention and presents.

Sunday overall was a really nice day, and I know the boys had a good time. We didn't have a party for L, but we did attend a picnic from my work, where they played with lots of new kids of all ages and sampled everything from the dessert table. We had inadvertently accepted a dinner invitation with friends and when I called later to ask THEM to come over instead because it was L's birthday, she insisted we come over anyways and just bring a cake. So he did, and the kids had a fun, if late, night playing with their friends.

Saturday wasn't quite so good. It started off dismal and rainy, G and I had a fight that simmered most of the day, the boys were in particularly bad spirits and at one point 3/4 of us were crying. We decided to "reset" by having the boys watch an episode of Dora and promptly leaving the house for the library, park, and dinner out. It worked. We were all doing much better by the evening.

After being successfully (suspiciously easily) potty-trained for over 6 months, L has hit some major regression. We are cleaning the floor with bleach a LOT and ended up buying pull-ups for him to wear all weekend because ewww and also every trip to the toilet ends up with tantrums and screaming and it became too much. He did successfully poop in the toilet again last night & this morning....maybe we've reset that button too?

I actually feel better on the low FODMAPS diet. But I'm having a hard time feeding myself dinner. I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch every weekday (and just graze during the weekends) so that is easy, but dinner is a problem. We've got a macaroni & cheese casserole to go in the oven for dinner tonight but I can't eat that. I've been eating a lot of tortilla chips, fish, rice, oranges, and eggs. Maybe I'll have eggs and potatoes for dinner tonight. I'm going to continue the strict diet for 2 full weeks (so until Sunday) and then start the re-introduction phase which basically means trying small doses of certain FODMAPS classes three times a week, sequentially, to figure out which classes are causative for my symptoms. I'm hoping I can re-introduce legumes at the least, and certain veggies. I can live without apples and peaches and I know I am lactose-intolerant.  Gluten-free would be difficult but allover much healthier for me. Not eating broccoli, onions, garlic, asparagus, cauliflower, mushrooms, and beans just means I am eating more rice and potatoes.

I had my first visit with a new (after that ill-fated attempt last fall) therapist last week. I really like her. She is lively and easy to talk to, not just staring at me with cow eyes to "go on, tell me more". I also know what I'm looking for and she was very upfront about her style, and the fact that she will check in regularly and not be offended if I tell her this isn't working out. The first visit was more introductory, and I also had to tell her a little bit about ALL The things that are causing me anxiety. It was quite a list and just having to talk about all that stuff left me pretty shaken up, but I figure that is expected. BONUS---she has a background in working with children and child psychology, so she can also offer some suggestions on the issues we are having with the kids.

When I came home from the appointment, G mentioned he had also made an appointment with a therapist, regarding his inability to deal with some of the kids' behavior. He saw the same therapist a couple of years ago about similar issues and it seemed helpful, I think he needs a tune-up. The funny thing is, the things his therapist told him? Were the exact same things I was telling him. He just needs to hear it from an outside source I guess.

Still working on limiting social media time. I've eliminated a few of the biggest time wasters for 2 weeks now, which is great. I'm trying now to see how I can limit overall daily social media use---maybe 40 minutes max per day (20 minutes AM, 20 minutes lunch). That leaves enough time to read and comment on most of my regular blogs. Other than writing here or working, I don't want to jump back on the computer or phone after dinner.

It is still very much a work in progress and I'd appreciate any tips for limiting blog-reading, etc.. (I use leechblock)

12 comments:

  1. Sounds promising!

    I've been increasing my use of leechblock-- completely blocking blogs that just make me annoyed/angry/upset/self-righteous, etc. I sometimes forget that I can do that.

    I need to work on my social media time too. Like right now, my lunch break ended 16 min ago so I shouldn't be reading your blog!

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    1. Yes, leechblock is really good for completely blocking certain blogs that make me feel icky but that I can't just look away from. Glad to know I am not on that list!

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    2. I may have to upgrade you to "leechblocked except during scheduled break times" which is where the blogs I compulsively check end up. (So far you haven't been updating frequently enough to force that, but the quality is there.)

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    3. I need to make use of this strategy.

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  2. 1) I am really glad the FODMAPS thing is helping. It sounds tough though so hopefully you can reinvite some of those fruits/veg back. The no gluten thing/no grains thing I always thought would be hard but at least for me it is much MUCH easier than I expected.

    2) You know I have the same blog/email concerns!

    3) I am proud of both of you for BOTH seeking out therapists. That is awesome. And in many ways probably good to have you seeing your own separate ones instead of both together. Will definitely look forward to hearing about your experiences with this. I don't feel like I am in a space where I need one now but I definitely have been in places before where it would have been helpful and I just was never proactive enough to do it.

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    1. Yes, I'm going to try re-introduction next week. There is a specific schedule for reintroducing each category of FODMAPS (a small amount, every other day for a week, and careful monitoring of symptoms)

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  3. It seems like there should be a more efficient system for finding a good therapist match. If someone is seeking one because various other things in life aren't going as well as they could, having one more thing that doesn't work (thus burning time) would be incredibly frustrating. I'm not sure what the answer is. I heard of one start-up a few years ago that was having therapists record a short video about themselves and their approaches. At least if you found someone incredibly grating, you'd figure that out before making an appointment. I'm not sure what happened to that company.

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    1. I was actually really impressed with how this therapist used our first meeting to really lay out her strategy and to find out what I wanted to get out of the sessions (i.e. a clear cut end point). We were able to discuss during that first hour how we envisioned this going, with an opportunity for me to tell her at the end whether this seemed like a fit for me. Fortunately, it was, if not, I'd only have been out one hour (and I still had a stack of other referrals to go through if this one didn't work out)
      I also decided to get recommendations from my primary doctor who I completely trust, rather than my first method of just combing the insurance website and picking someone at random.

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    2. I think it's even more disheartening than just burning time - it's emotionally tiring to lay out all your "stuff" to a person, and then realize it's not working and have to start all over again.

      I wonder if some therapists are better than others at doing what Ana's did - sort of doing an intro/this is how it works kind of thing up front before really digging into the talking.

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  4. That does sound like a really good therapist. I found mine through Psychology Today's website, and I like her a lot. But the one thing I would change (I hesitate to call it a criticism) is that we never really set a goal or an end point. As things are generally going well and I'm generally feeling pretty happy, we just meet less often. I don't want to completely give it up (what if there was a crisis? Aaaaahhh!), but I wondering if having set an end point would help. It's not bothering me a whole lot, especially since I know meeting with her is so helpful. Just something I think about soemtimes.

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    1. I found my good therapist in graduate school through the bad therapist. And I found the bad therapist because she worked at the school and was free. The bad therapist had no end point, the good therapist did (because she did CBT, which tends to have an endpoint-- it is very similar to taking Bradley classes for childbirth, but more focused on all anxiety and not just relaxing during labor).

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  5. Happy belated birthday!
    I admire your relentness quest to improve yourself, and your life. You inspired me to start another language course, and reach out to new people I've met recently. Thank you. :-)

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