Thursday, August 13, 2020


 How long did it last? Less than 48 hours before another evening up late with wine and chips and my phone, then waking up exhausted and having to see a full day of patients, and UGH. Why do I do this to myself. Discussed this with my therapist today, and she points out that my work has gotten quite draining. I'm always constantly interacting with people and making decisions and I have no time to think and reflect and plan. By the end of the day I am emotionally SPENT and I numb myself with food and wine and scrolling. 

I also realize I have literally no time to myself anymore, and I CRAVE it. I just want to not have to worry about anyone else's feelings for one evening (a whole weekend would be great). Part of staying up too late is just getting that kid-free (and sometimes G-free if he goes downstairs to work) time. The mornings are no longer my sacred time to myself, G is up with me, and B has been waking up ridiculously early too. I guess I could get up EVEN EARLIER but I haven't been able to bite the bullet and do it yet. 

I need to find some way to build in some buffer for myself because this is untenable. 


  1. I think the need for time alone is really important and common right now. Would going for a walk work? Sometimes that helps for me.

  2. Yup. I hear you. It's why I'm staying up late, too, because I have a teen that I hang out with until about 10 and then I need to be ALONE. But that's a different sort of alone than the quiet I used to have when no one was in my house all day...

  3. ideas (feel free to ignore):
    fun light book (just read sex & vanity - fits the bill)
    week away from wine
    new BB program?
    get up earlier and plan to NOT put the kids to bed 1-2 nights next week (you can trade nights with your husband)
    watch the babysitters club

  4. I like taking a walk by myself as a way to unwind. People interrupt me if I read quietly. ;-)

    I LOVE staying up late, and literally nothing feels as good to me as wallowing around in bed in the morning. I think I picked the wrong profession.

  5. Be selfish or consume yourself trying to make everyone happy.