I pingpong constantly between acceptance and rage. Gratitude and despair. Riding the wave and drowning. Work---as demanding as it is---is often the easiest, since I know what I'm supposed to be doing there. I see my patients, attend my meetings, make my lists and complete the tasks.
Its the rest of it that befuddles me. How much should I push my kids to do their (in my mind, excessive) assignments for school? How to keep them off youtube when the district won't allow us to put parental controls on their laptops? How to reassure (without flat out lying to) the child who saw a scary ad on youtube about "bad guys coming into your house and killing you while you sleep" (!!!) How to convince my parents to move closer to me and my sister because we worry about them? How to keep MIL happy while she is visiting, but not so happy she stays forever?
Is writing postcards and donating $ enough? Should I be texting voters like some of my friends are doing? Should I donate more to the senate races than the president (I think yes). How to keep up even the slimmest optimism that the next 4 years will be "same as the first, a little bit louder and a lot bit worse"?
Can I invite 3 kids to an outdoor play date for L's birthday next week? How about 4? What if they bring their siblings? What is the cut off and how to enforce it? Cupcakes OK? Chips? Only in individual bags, right? We haven't even thought about a birthday present for him, my MIL already bought the 2 things he wanted, and my parents and sister want to know what to get.
ANYWAYS. Like I said, we are all OK. Except when we're not.