Thursday, August 12, 2021

Wallowing

 I've been sensing an undercurrent of despair throughout my virtual and real life social circles. I feel it too. It started slow & behind the scenes and is now full-force, doom spiral level that I have to consciously decide to push aside so I can get through this hour, this day, this LIFE.

I am in the middle of the time I've SO looked forward to---a few days alone without my family--and instead of using the opportunity of lessened obligations to plan some fun activities, or get ahead on work/house stuff,  I am feeling stagnant.

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to see anyone. When I come home from work, I just want to sit and do a puzzle while I listen to an audiobook. Or watch 3 episodes of the Handmaid's Tale in a row while I eat cereal for dinner.  

I was thinking about those long ago days, when after a hard day or a hard week, I could spend some time re-reading or re-watching a particular comfort book or show. It felt good to just lose myself in something that felt familiar and cozy. To myself, I was "having a wallow". I always felt more refreshed the next day/week then when I tried to force myself to be social or productive. 

My life these days doesn't lend itself to that. No matter how shitty a day, I need to deal with dinner & bedtimes (or just generally participate in my family life), and weekends doing "nothing" kinda suck with my kids and then when the hell will the laundry and shopping get done? 

So its actually...kind of nice to have a chance to wallow. 

2 comments:

  1. I've been pretty blah for a long time. It's the protracted stress of the pandemic, so all our reserves of energy, good will, optimism, joy... All have been depleted. Even the fumes are gone.

    I have no wisdom except to indulge yourself as much as you can. If you need to binge shows, binge shows. Usually once I've indulged enough I do feel (temporarily) re-energized and can get stuff done. I stupidly make elaborate plans to cook, and can do a few days in a row when I'm feeling energetic, but then I just can't, I can't make myself do it, so
    I make rice and heat up Sukhi's curry from Costco and it's we eat in 25 min and it's glorious and delicious and I have an extra hour to watch TV.

    I get tired and bored more easily, take longer to recuperate and get back to productive, but that's just how it is right now. Anything you can get out of, get out of. Anything you can let slide, let slide.

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