Normalcy

This week, so far, has felt much more "normal". The fear/stress is abating (probably because I am greatly limiting my social media and news time!). The kids are on spring break so we aren't supervising any educational activities---which has made the day MUCH more peaceful. Trying to encourage (i.e. nag) the kids to do their writing assignments nearly did me in. And the weather has been SO LOVELY, it was literally exuding peacefulness into my soul with the sunshine and warmth. On the work front, I've had light clinical work---5-7 patients on M/W/F which leaves some time to catch up on some writing/admin tasks. 

Today it is rainy and we have a cold front coming in---which is going to last for at least a week. And I'll be standing in the rain/wind for at least an hour to pick up the laptops from the school so we can start "online instruction" next week. And I have VERY FULL telehealth days pretty much every day next week (TWELVE scheduled on Wednesday, OMG). So I'm fully prepared for next week to be much more challenging on every front. 

But what is life other than continuous ups and downs. All we can do is enjoy the ups and try to stay sane through the downs, right? 

Later/Rant

One thing I'm really liking these days---staying up later and getting up later. There is a big difference between getting up at 5-5:30 and getting up at 6:30-7! I am NOT exhausted when the kids go to bed at 9, and G and I can stay up and hang out or watch TV. I really missed that, but I really couldn't stay up past 9:30-ish on my usual schedule.

I still get up at 6 AM twice/week to run before things get too busy on the streets on weekdays. But even on patient days, I haven't had anyone scheduled before 9 AM all week. I guess patients don't want to wake up early either?  I actually did a telehealth visit with my psychiatrist at 8 AM (but I could join with wet hair directly out of shower).

One thing I'm NOT liking is the telehealth itself. Its still awkward, doesn't work well with certain diagnoses, and the no-shows are SOOOO annoying. I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt---who even knows what day or time it is anymore, and I certainly don't know what kind of chaos people are dealing with in their homes. BUT, they scheduled the appointment! Just a couple of days ago! Maybe make a note in your calendar or something? Set a phone alarm? Sigh.

Enough ranting, time to make the lamest "other support" document ever (I have none. Other support, that is).

Random

Why do people no show for video visits when they scheduled them 3-4 days ago? I'm on my THIRD no show today (of 7 patients today, so not a great ratio!). I figure they could've forgotten so I call them all after 10 minutes. One said "can't do it at this time" and 2 didn't answer.  WHERE ARE PEOPLE?

The rest of the weekend went so much better! Things I did this weekend: Watch 2 movies as a family (Onward, and the original Parent Trap), watched 2 episodes of Ozark and the first episode of Tiger King with G, baked sourdough, baked chocolate chip cookies, made peanut stew, did a beach body workout with G, ran 6 miles, family bike ride across town to the river and back, had Korean food and pizza delivered.

I also: ate and drank too damn much. "Airport rules" when any moment is a great time for a beer or a snack need to be revoked and we are back to regularly scheduled HEALTHY meals and no-booze-on weeknights.

I made some very small goals for the month: 1) Run 60 miles (which will necessitate slowly increasing mileage, since I'm currently only doing 12-13 miles/week)
2) Read 4 books (I haven't been reading much lately. I got "Catch and Kill" from the library which is hopefully engrossing enough to get through in a week). I'm hoping this will keep me off the news/social media.

Yeah, that's it (in addition to the daily exercise, meditation, outside time). I may build upon it, we shall see!

Saturday Sadder-day

I'm very glad I wrote that positive post yesterday because today I've been blah. Maybe its the gray skies and the fact that my children don't want to do anything except screen time? 

Also my MIL is coming this evening (I know. It was a tough decision but we thought it through and decided not to cancel her planned trip and I won't go into why I think its OK, but I do think its safe for all parties. Trust me, I was trying to avoid it as much as anyone). Longtime readers know that she is a...difficult personality, to put it nicely. So, yeah, the idea of being stuck at home with her around is making me a smidge anxious. 

But the kids are SO excited. And she will be our childcare so that we can actually finally do some real work. And I do need to walk more--I'm hardly getting any steps in on non-running days without my usual walking commute, so I'll have an excuse to escape. If all else fails, I can hide in my room and read? 

We did a beach body work out this morning, I am building my sourdough bread to bake tomorrow morning, G sewed some masks for us and cleaned the bathrooms (hero!) and is at the store. Now to force the children to accompany me outside for some fresh air and exercise dammit! 

Good Stuff

Inspired by Lag Liv and OMDG I'm going to take a break from complaining and focus on the positive aspects of quarantine life.

1) Family time. As much as I complain about the kids, they are wonderful humans, and I love spending time with them. We are settling into a better rhythm overall and its so nice to have those moments of connection throughout the day, and especially to have our evenings open for "family fun" including board games, video games, walks. I also love seeing what they are learning (and HOW they learn), and how they interact on Zoom meetings with their teachers/classmates---a whole different side of their personalities I never had access to! There is some yelling and nagging, but there is also snuggling and laughing. They can't get enough of us, they really seem to be thriving on the attention.

2) Couple time:  G and I are actually finding more time to spend with each other (when the kids are on their screens or asleep we can talk or watch a show ourselves, since I don't have to wake up at 5:30 and thus have been staying up past 9:30 PM most nights). We've been working out in the basement together. He brings me tea (I generally work in the basement) when he makes some. And again, moments to connect and share a brief hug or vent in the middle of the work day.

3)Cooking.  Its like a flip switched and I am inspired  to make more interesting things out of whatever we happen to have available. I'm actually ENJOYING it, and I haven't enjoyed being in the kitchen in YEARS. I know many many people work all day and then come home and joyfully cook a meal for their family but I absolutely HATED cooking after work and it was definitely a chore. Yesterday I made cauliflower from this recipe, served over rice with sour cream and veggies on top for G & I and it was SO GOOD (the kids ate tacos with chicken & beans, leftover).

3) Leisure. There isn't a LOT of time for extra stuff, but especially on the weekends we've had time to do puzzles, bake (I actually made sourdough bread, I'm such a cliche), play long games, talk to family and friends. We try to keep our schedules light anyways, but it often did feel like weekends were spent running from one thing to the next with sports, play dates, errands, outings. Those things were fun, and I do miss them, but this is fun too!

4) Creative time. Mostly for the kids of course. Yes there are WAY more screens than I usually prefer, but they are also building legos, drawing, writing stories, and doing advanced math OF THEIR OWN VOLITION. They are also spending loads of time playing/fighting and building their brotherly relationship. But I have more time to write here, and G has been designing things to build (when he can source some wood) and we are also tentatively planning some future home renovations (as we spend more time here, we are noticing what does & does not work).

It was surprisingly easy to come up with these, and made me truly happy to think and write about. Honestly, the change that is the hardest is work. Telehealth is just...not the same as face to face contact with patients. I'm sure it'll get less awkward over time but I find it way more draining (and I find clinical work draining on the best of days). I hate seeing my face on the screen, I can't help noticing "my nose is red" "my hair looks terrible" "what WAS that face I just made?"

Even worse, its impossible for me to concentrate on research (writing/planning/thinking) with everyone around all the time. I just haven't figured it out yet. Our house is small and there is no where to go that is truly quiet and distraction free (I am in the basement right now and G and the kids are having breakfast and WILL NOT STOP TALKING). So yeah.  Good and bad, just like everything else in life.

Oops

My list was a bit...too ambitious. I got half of the paper outline done and didn't really come up with an abstract idea, so those are back on the list for today. Aim EVEN LOWER Ana. On the plus side, yesterday was overall a good day in terms of my mood/attitude. Felt good about my progress on the work & home front, and stuck with most of my good habits.

Today...got off to a VERY late start. G and I both woke up around 7:30 and had to walk the dog, work out (we did Cardio Fix Extreme together in the basement), shower, feed kids breakfast & make lunches (we have them ready so they can grab and eat whenever without interrupting us if we are working), and get the kids set up with learning. So I sat down to work at the unthinkably late hour of 10 AM.

I need something good and absorbing to read. I just finished a pretty meh book ("Evvie Drake Starts Over"---pretty predictable romance and not what I was in the mood for, it took me SO LONG to finish because I kept forgetting about it). I need something with a bit more drama I think. None of my ebook holds are currently available at the library.

OK the kids are throwing a ball around upstairs instead of working on writing so I gotta go intervene.

New Month Energy

I took a day to wallow. G and I cut off work early and watched 1917 and had a beer and snacks while the boys played on the switch upstairs. It was what I needed and I'm feeling much better today. Also the sun is out. Woke up at 6:30, did a quick beach body workout (Upper Fix) and got ready for tele-visits. Apparently 3 canceled yesterday since I last checked so I have a break before my next one today.

I am taking some time to actually plan the rest of the week---I've just been reactively doing whatever urgently came up for the past couple of weeks, which meant nothing long term (new papers, planning for my new leadership position beginning in July) was happening. With this being our life for the foreseeable future, its time to get back into regular (ish) work mode. I'm setting the bar fairly low to start---a few achievable tasks per day.

I thought about making goals for the month but then decided I better take it a couple of days at a time for now. I know what tomorrow holds but not 2 weeks from now. I am going to continue daily workouts and mediation, writing in my 3-good-thing journal every night, getting outside daily (dogs help with this!) and writing here more often.

Todays work plan (other than the clinic visits/charting, a conference and a group call): completing a manuscript outline, submitting my scheduling requests for the second half of the year (VERY tentative, ha!), and brainstorming ideas for an abstract due next month.

I am also: doing my laundry (I don't have enough sports bras for these daily workouts and re-wearing them is icky) and roasting a boatload of veggies that have been lingering in the fridge. Oh and some kid supervision while I do the non-work tasks. Mid-day dog walks will be my outside time.

Off we go!