Thursday, December 29, 2011

Worst. Christmas. Ever. Part 2: The birthday

(go back and read or skim part 1 for the backstory). B=big brother ( just 2), L=little brother (12 weeks now) and G=my husband. MIL=crazy bitch from hell ruining my life.

This is how my crazy MIL ruined B's birthday.

She had gone to get him when he woke up, and we let her be there with him for a while while I fed L. Finally we decided to go down together and wish him a happy birthday. We found him in her lap, they were reading stories and she had already given him some presents. When we came in, she handed him to G without a word and went to the bathroom and slammed the door. B cried when we wished him happy birthday, and wouldn't let me hug him. I was planning on just saying happy birthday and going back up to pump and change L's diaper & clothes, and G was going to take the dog for a walk, but now I had to watch B, so I took him down for breakfast, waiting for MIL to come back. B wanted me to read him a book, but I had L in my lap who was crying, so I stalled him and told him grandma would read it. She came down soon after & I told her he wanted to read the book but that I needed to go upstairs for a few minutes. I really thought she'd be happy to have one-on-one time with B.

Later that morning she wanted to Skype with all her family so they could say happy birthday to B. G forgot his account info and it was logged onto my account, so his relatives couldn't find him online. She didn't know what to do so he told her to tell them to look up my name as a contact. Something about that pissed her off (because it was MY name, and I have kept my last name, maybe?) and she started yelling at him. So he took the phone & told the relatives what to do. She called & chatted with B in her lap, as if he was HER son. She called me over to say hello & show off L and I did, quickly, but I was trying to both console an uncharacteristically fussy L and finish up B's birthday cake decorating. Then it was time to call the next family member. The same nonsense ensued, and G was pissed and kind of threw some books off the coffee table to make room for the laptop. The dog was terrified & ran away shaking. I was feeling sick and anxious again, hadn't eaten anything and it was nearly noon.

At the end of the conversation with this relative (I was sitting there, too, showing off the baby at her insistance), they asked when he would have his cake. We were planning to do it after his naptime, around 4ish, but all morning he saw us making the cake and was freaking out to try it. Plus the friends that were coming over canceled due to being sick so it was just us. So G decided at the spur of the moment to do it at lunchtime. MIL told the relatives "oh we're doing it in the evening", then G came by and said "No, we're doing it now".

She FLIPPED. She insisted that we all needed to dress up so she could pictures to "treasure" and that she should've been consulted on when to do it and we could NOT do it now. It was just a quick decision so we sighed and said fine, we can do it later and G said sarcastically "whenever is convenient for YOU, since its all about YOU". She proceeded to completely LOSE IT. She made me and G come over to her and lectured and YELLED at us for about 20 minutes (yes, in front of both kids). Mostly actually she yelled at me and I kept my mouth shut and just stared at her. She kept saying I wasn't supportive, wasn't acting like a daughter-in-law should: "since 2005, you've never once supported me" and then "you should see how daughter-in-laws get treated in other families" and that "I am such a nice person and so nice to you and this is how you treat me" and "What goes around, comes around, I hope you will be treated so badly by your sons and DILs in the future". It was like a soap opera or something, she was crying and yelling and had just the worst most hateful look on her face. I have never been yelled at like this in my entire life, and here it is the third time in 2 weeks, and all in front of my boys.

She kept insisting that we should dress up so the day is special, and that I should support her in that. G told her basically that this is our son's birthday, we can plan it however we want, and it is not her place to tell us to dress up or anything else. He told her "you've had your chance and did whatever you wanted for my birthdays, and now it's our turn"

She stormed off. G went up to tell her we would do the cake at 3:30 and she was all "WHO decided that?". He told her to come or not but that was the plan. We debated going to the park with B but it was already noon and close to his nap. We gave him some food & then he insisted on seeing grandma so we took him upstairs and she took him into her room. We left, taking L in the Ergo and went to go get some lunch and a drink. I was too anxious and sick to eat a thing, but I a managed a few bites of sandwich & had a glass of wine. We decided that this birthday was not going to count and we would do another celebration in January after she left, when my parents were here & my sister would come up with the twins and we'd invite friends. My parents are out of the country now, and I'd invited my sister & friends but canceled last week because of how stressful & tense things have been in the house with MIL, I didn't want anyone to come over. I saved the books I had bought B for his birthday because I figured I'd never have a chance to sit and read them with him anyways.

At 3:45 she came down, all dressed and made-up (she insists on putting on her "face" all the time, but says its not make-up). She held him during the cake, and got her precious pictures. She didn't smile or say a word to us, except to ask me to take the pictures. G & I tried to act like everything was fine, and B seemed to like the cake. She gave him a card at the end and told him to give it to daddy. Instead he brought it to me, since daddy was busy, and I told him to open it. Money fell out. So I told B to pick it up, but he was just playing with it and she huffed over and grabbed everything out of his hand, muttering about something.

After all this, she took B with her to play with the gift she gave him. G & I took L and the dog for another long walk, and then it was dinner time. I took L up for a bath & feeding while G heat up B's dinner. When I came down, she was sitting/sulking on the couch and G was feeding B. B was so happy, he actually ATE some dinner and then asked for some cake and we obliged. I joined them and then we both went up for B's bedtime routine and he was so so happy. I hadn't seen him so happy in days, it was like he was trying to be good for us. He didn't protest the bath or toothbrushing, and picked all the books we like to read to him. He told me "I wuv you" several times, and leaned in for kisses. It was such a wonderful time for the 3 of us, we snuggled on the floor and sang "snuggle puppy" together twice and acted out all the parts of "guess how much I love you". He went to bed without a peep (no nap again today), and I finally felt some calm in my soul.

Part 3 will have more backstory on the craziness & how I am (trying) to deal with all this.

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