Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Flies and honey

Maybe its spending my formative years in the deep south, but...ya'll...I feel there are very few reasons to not be nice.

Especially in a professional setting...if you disagree with someone's plan, there are nice ways to express your disapproval and to work together to figure out a sensible alternative. Hell, both of you may learn something from the encounter.

It is not helpful to degrade, shame, or talk down to anyone---a colleague, a trainee, a student, or an employee.

Clearly, this has happened to me, not infrequently.  Do I look like someone who will take it? Is it because I am petite? Young (-looking)? Soft-spoken? Female? 

I consider working with people---annoying people!---part of my job. I try very hard to err on the side of politeness-- a friendly voice, a smile, a willingness to compromise on the unimportant details as long as the important things are happening. I am getting better at it---I think mothering my boys has helped grow my patience muscle a little, and with time and age I've gained perspective into what really is important and worth getting upset over.

And being nice can yield its own rewards. Work days are more pleasant when you're not wasting energy being angry and rolling your eyes. My overall goal is for people to want to work with me and for me---how would I accomplish this with rudeness?

I wish others took the same approach, I'm tired of self-important big-shots that frequently consult me to help manage their patients (I won't name specialties here) thinking its OK to be an a**-hole.


  1. I agree. While 95% of the parents and students I work with are polite and willing to compromise, the 5% who are not create 95% of the stress. It's fine, even encouraged, to disagree about a child's education, but respect should be given for the teacher's experience. It sounds like you receive a similar lack of respect in your job. Thanks for the reminder that all professionals deserve to be treated professionally.

  2. I certainly agree! And however angry I am on the inside, I don't show it too badly, I think. I need to be more like you in the patience muscle department. I really struggle with not getting wrapped up in stuff that doesn't even actually matter to me and then getting all upset at my colleagues. There's something about other people expressing their strong opinions that sucks me in, and soon enough I have...not even an opinion about the issue, but an opinion about who's right and wrong... But hey, I keep it under wraps, so who cares.

  3. Sometimes, during the five minutes of 'solitude' I get every other month, I think I miss going to work, the routine and organization of it all. And then I remember how pretty solitary my work used to be (not really team work), and how my colleagues used to bug the crap out of me. T the point that I was told I lived in an "ivory tower'. Because I was fed up with their pathetic excuses for not doing anything, which oly became even more obvious when I was in charge of managing the 'team'. Stupid jerks. I am not really a people's person, misanthropy messes with this otherwise lovely feature of my personality.
    So sorry you have to deal with crap. I hope it gets better. Or at least the annoying fucks go away.