Tuesday, November 26, 2013


I've noticed a tendency in myself to get easily flustered by even the tiniest of hiccups. I don't when I got so rigid and obsessed with schedules and plans....I used to be spontaneous and fun. I could blame it on parenthood, but really, a lot of things that freak me out have absolutely nothing to do with the kids.

I do know that certain things make it worse---sleep-deprivation, being hungry, being physically uncomfortable. All of those things make me more likely to flip when the plan changes. I also know that I don't like where this is going. G finds it baffling and I'm sure the boys would prefer me to a bit more laid back (or they will, when they get older).

There was an incident last week (after a night of literally no sleep with L pawing all over me for 6 hours) where G's cousin was coming over for dinner...instead of coming at 6:15, she came to our neighborhood and went to get a drink at a nearby bar at 4:45. I had to go to the grocery store and pick up pizza for the boys and take out the dog...and had timed it so I'd be home by 6:15. When I got G's text at 5:05 (when I was still in my office) that she was there and could I please text her as soon as I got home, I got so frazzled that I forgot half the items I needed at the grocery store and was literally running with my bags and coat to the pizza place. When I finally  made it home by 5:50 and texted the cousin, she was all "oh, I'm still working on my wine here, I'll be there around 6:15".

I mean, really, who cares if she's sitting at the bar twiddling her thumbs for an hour. Or that the meeting was shifted by a half an hour without any prior notification. Or that the dog took twice as long doing her business this evening and dinner wasn't ready by 6:15. Or that G decided to take the kids to Whole Foods for dinner on the way home because they were sooooo hunnnngggry. Or that I need to turn in another revision to the IRB because of one word that I inadvertently left in when I changed an aspect of the protocol. Or any of the million little and unavoidable things that happen in the course of a day that throw off a carefully planned schedule.

I'm not sure why I'm writing about this. Maybe because seeing it written out in black and white drives home how ridiculous this is?  I already know that. I think its mostly because I could use a fail safe trick for how to prevent my blood pressure from rising next time I'm confronted with a miniscule molehill. 


  1. My automatic breathing starts just reading that. Which is a little annoying because my nose is kind of stuffy. I hate it when people mess with my plans too.

  2. ummm, same way. yesterday my M-I-L called inviting me to an 'impromptu' dinner at her house (with other family that is visiting, but that we'll get to see a lot later this week). my first thought: i (#%*-ing hate anything impromptu! my second: why!? my third: i guess i was just looking forward to a quiet evening at home to decompress after a week of call, and i was TIRRRED and tired of talking to people after doing it all day. we went for a short time and it was fine. but i hear you :) okay now back to my pile o' notes!

    1. to clarify - when i got this call it was 5:30 pm, i was stuck in traffic, and annabel had already eaten and our nanny had cooked for josh & me.

  3. I wish I had some tool for you to use under circumstances like these, but I just don't. I really just wanted to say how much alike we are. I'm not handling those little bumps in the road very well lately, either. Sigh... Personally, I think it's all about control- there is so little that we have control over in life, and when the little things we think we have control over don't go as planned, it really throws us off. Thinking of you...

  4. Nope I agree with everyone else -- totally normal.

    Although (and I probably shouldn't admit this), my coping strategy for dealing with the IRB BS has been to just do a really really fast job (i.e. kind of crappy) and leave them to find the miscellaneous errors. They're almost always going to come back with something and make me resbumit anyway, so at least this way it's for non-stupid things. It makes me feel like I'm putting their services to good use and prevents me from wasting time on minutia.

  5. I am SO the same way. I wrote about it recently, but can't find it. I hate when things screw with my schedule, or with my idea of how things should go and I get very anxious sometimes! Im not exactly sure when I became this way - I certainly wasn't like this in my 20s or even 5 years ago?

  6. My mom is like this. Some things that seem like no big deal to the rest of us are just are really hard for her, and she likes to plan things waaaay in advance. She is also chronically early everywhere she goes. Honestly, it is hard for me to understand. In her case, I think it is general anxiety - as in, I think she probably has an anxiety disorder that's never been diagnosed. But maybe that's not it for you.

    Me, my life seems so unpredictable sometimes if I couldn't roll with the punches I don't know how I'd survive. So, I don't know what to tell you. :(

  7. I too hate it when my neat little plans are thwarted by unexpected stuff. HATE IT. but then I get over it, and promise myself to not throw another hissy fit for nothing, and be calmer and more composed, which is just an empty promise, because this is how I am made. But when things do go my way, wow, how delightful!