Monday, April 7, 2014

Jumping right back in

I didn't really mean to disappear. Nothing changed or happened, I was just spending my time doing other things---reading books, becoming addicted to a stupid i-phone game, taking the kids to the park after work,  reading more books, on-line shopping, and trying to get through Season 7 of the West Wing. So...pretty much status quo.

I'm so relieved that its finally spring. Even though its been in the 30s the past few mornings, requiring winter coats, at least its light out. There are finally some cherry blossoms in bloom, and weeds are poking through in our planters. Its time to schedule the dreaded garden store run (either we all go, and its chaos, or G goes and I watch the kids for 4 hours straight).

I had a pretty easy weekend of call. Both days I was out of here by 11AM...which was a mixed blessing. I got all the stress of early morning rounds PLUS all the child-care and chores of a normal weekend. And no chance to go for a run (or have a glass of wine) to relieve the stress of it all.

I'm still working on my resolutions for the year. I think I'll be working on them for months, if not years, if not the rest of my life. The things we struggle with, I think they are always struggles in some ways. Hopefully the tiny changes I'm making now will help things be a bit smoother down the road, though.

I've noticed that its about the choices I make. Not the big sweeping ones, like who to marry or where to live...but the tiny ones, like how to react to B hitting L in the face, or G leaving the dishes for me to wash when I also put the kids to bed. How to handle being 20 minutes late in the morning and the kids are still dawdling, or exhausted at night and they want "one more story mommy!". How to respond to the annoying email, or answer the same question the 5th time from a concerned patient. Lots and lots of little choices throughout the course of a day. I hope to choose right more often.

Every day I wake up and make the conscious decision to try to do the right thing. And then when I fail (I always do, in big or small ways), I decide to try again.


  1. Go you! That picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and starting all over again is so important.

  2. That's all you can do, really. It takes a lot of practice to change old habits. Hang in there!

  3. Yep, same here.

    What garden store do you go to? I like white flower farm, but sometimes don't want to order online and wait for the package to arrive in the mail.

    1. I don't even know what its called, but its far west of us. Sometimes we just go to Home Depot and kill 2 birds at once (if we need something from there). Obviously their selection leaves much to be desired. I honestly just need flowers for the window boxes and planter in front, and seeds for the herb container garden in back. I've given up on seedlings until L is old enough not to pull them out immediately (when will that be? ever?)

  4. I think the constant questions, saying sit on your bum five thousand times a day (our youngest is now sitting on a regular chair) and the constant need for directing behavior takes a lot out of you. Just remember that this part won't last forever and give yourself credit when you do choose right! I bet you are many times a day as well. And for last year and this one as well I will do a couple of planters and then the rest of our front garden is a rock garden. Although the 18 month old discovered it's fun to throw rocks at ...everything so maybe that wasn't the best idea either. Deep breathes help a little (right before the big gulp of wine)!

  5. As you know I've been thinking about a lot of this myself. The small questions that add up to the sum of our lives. I'm trying to be more deliberate in making them, or at least trying to determine what choices I would like to someday make. But it's hard. Especially when it comes to my kids and ALL THE EMOTIONS. Sometimes (most of the time) I feel like I have too little control over that.

  6. Sigh. Yes. The constant cycle of effort and failure, effort and failure. Gradually working our way towards goals. It's a really tedious version of evolution, but I guess it's the only way, and I feel like you're making progress! Hopefully I am too.