Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Do I miss them?

People keep asking me if I miss the kids and the truth is...not really. Is that terrible? I thought I would miss them, and I felt a bit sad coming home to such a quiet house, but in truth I got busy with work and life and really committed to enjoying this rare time to myself and with G.  And we have enjoyed it immensely. In addition to reading and TV, we've been going out for dinner, meeting friends, took our dog on a long hike on a cool cloudy day, and have had a reprieve from the constant planning/preparing/cleaning up of food because we can just fend for ourselves or eat a bunch of cheese and crackers for dinner if we want.

I think having time away is really helpful for me, given the challenges we have with our kids. They are not easy. It takes a LOT out of me to stay calm and non-reactive in the midst of their constant negativity and fighting and pushing buttons. Yes, they are older and the physical work is less but the mental work MY GOD. They are ALWAYS talking to me. ALWAYS. Asking questions rapid-fire every second. Not going to bed anymore until my own bedtime, so I get very little to any evening "me time" and forget about couple time.

Two more evenings alone and then we go join them on Friday night. And I will spend every waking minute with them for a full week at the beach where I am also dealing with the rest of our extended family (G will be there half the week but sincerely does not enjoy the beach so I let him off the hook). I'm grateful that I can enter this challenge with my patience and energy restored. We will all be together at home for about a month after that and then we do a week with MIL and....get 2 weeks to ourselves again. Hey, I have the misfortune of dealing with the worst MIL on earth (I'm in an awful MIL facebook group, but my god, mine wins the gold most of the time), but she loves to care for our kids and I am taking full advantage of this positive outcome. EVERYONE deserves some kind of summer break.


  1. I don't miss my kids that much when I'm away (they have never been away for an extended period while I'm still at home, but when my parents take them for a weekend I don't miss them at all either ;) . I have a really hard time when I head the airport - the ride on BART is brutal and I sometimes even cry - then I actually start traveling and I'm over it. By the time I'm on the plane I'm reveling in the adult time.

    I definitely think about my kids more fondly when I'm not with them. I actually think that is part of what I like about being away - they are a more positive part of my life when I'm not with them! I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. I enjoy them more when they are not around.

    I'm about to spend 2 full weeks with them in St. Louis and I know it's going to be full of challenges. Maybe part of why I'm throwing myself into this house project is I don't want to think about it! Their bickering is so constant right now, and it descends into physical violence (hitting and kicking) SO QUICKLY these days. They are just so awful to each other (and me) so much of the time. It's exhausting. I hope they aren't that bad in St. Louis, at least not all of the time... here's hoping.

    I think a week without your kids sounds divine, and I don't think you should miss them. I know I wouldn't miss mine!

  2. Your kids are a LOT like my E (it is still too early to tell how P will turn out). Constantly talking and asking questions, stubborn, sensitive, argumentative, needs less sleep than I wished he did (and struggles to go to sleep), impulsive, too blunt, etc.

    Some kids are easier than others and I think it is ok to acknowledge when we do not have those kids. A break is so important and I think it's amazing that you have grandparents who can take the kids to give you some adult time. It's not just about reconnecting with your partner; as you noted it's also vital to restoring your own vats of patience and calm to allow you to best parent your children.

    Enjoy the time!

  3. I'd miss G . . . there must be something primal about that, b/c she's a baby! But the other two . . . well . . . not sure! I don't remember missing them when we went away for our 10th anniversary for 5 days in CA. We were having too much fun :) And I also remember feeling really refreshed and glad I had the time away. Around here, a lot of friends with older kids send their kids to sleep away camp for 7-8 weeks and are kidless - and many don't seem to be terribly broken up about it!! It's okay to enjoy being an independent adult and the break from being so needed.