Friday, October 2, 2015

Back to school

We are still trying to get used to the new routines around B's kindergarten. Specific challenges: 1) being there on time 2) B needing to be responsible for his food and other stuff (i.e. the teacher won't put his raincoat on him, or dole out his snacks in the proper order that we want them to be in)  3) Our only source of information about school being from B, since we can't just talk to the teacher everyday 4) Homework that has to be done  and 5) random days off.  Like all parents everywhere, we'll figure it out, but its a bit stressful right now. I also have to adjust to a totally different evening routine. Instead of coming home alone, walking the dog, processing mail, and prepping dinner before everyone else got home, now I pick B up from after-care on my way home. We walk the dog together, and then I have to nag him to do his homework & help him with it while I prep dinner (The mail has not been processed in days). I like having time with him one on one, but I do miss alone time to decompress before the evening rush!

Its rainy & cold here. We had to cancel L's outdoor party for tomorrow. Its tentatively scheduled for Sunday. It'll still be cold & windy but hopefully no rain. I really don't want everyone in our house, I have no activities planned (since it was planned to be a park party). Fingers crossed. Its usually so lovely this time of year, but then again, it is hurricane season, so I should've been more prepared!

We have tickets to a concert tonight of all things. A band I don't particularly like but G loves. We went to see them on one of our first dates so when he asked if I wanted to go, I agreed. And it was not on a weeknight, so it seemed OK. Also that was 2 months ago. Everything seems "fun" 2 months prior to actually having to wear pants and go out! But its cold & rainy and the concert starts at 8 but the main act won't be until after 10. Friday nights are for drinking wine and watching TV shows on my laptop, in my PJs.  I really really want to just bring my Kindle and sneak into a corner somewhere until the band comes on, but I assume that's wrong?

As for the October goals, I've already: spent 5 minutes on GOMI, spent 20 minutes looking at graphic Ts, and did not look at the meditation app yesterday. So...not off to a great start, but still motivated!

I really need more "fun money" so I can buy the planner I want. That monthly allowance goes really really fast somehow. I already spent $50 on a knife-skills class I'm taking mid-month and accidentally ordered a book on Amazon 1-click that I can't return for $5. And since we changed the party to Sunday, I had to exchange tickets I had bought for the children's theater on Sunday and this place (as opposed to the place we had a subscription to last year) charges $4/ticket to exchange! so there went $67 and its only the 2nd day of the month! I have a happy hour planned 2 weeks from now, those usually end up being $25. And there will inevitably be 1-2 lunches I need to buy, or occasions where I want to buy the kids a snack or treat. I upped the allowance from $80 in January, to $100 soon after, and more recently (since we're spending way less on groceries) $120. But I never ever have left over. The plan was to save up excess allowance money for clothes, but at this rate, those boots aren't happening, not to mention the bras, jeans, T shirts and slacks I need want. And my umbrella & lunch bag were both recently lost/stolen and need replacing. Urgh.

Alright, break over. Any allowance advice? Concert advice? How do you handle homework with your kids?

24 comments:

  1. I'm curious what planner you like. I've been researching planners lately and I haven't narrowed it down.

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    1. http://www.uncalendar.com/unc?action=display&orderCode=ULF-00001

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    2. Look on google images for "uncalendar" to see the inside pages in action!

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  2. Allowance advice: I think you need a bigger allowance. My DH gets $30/week and has been for several years, even when I was the only person bringing in income (so our total income was under 6 figures). On top of that, things like haircuts don't come out of that figure (and he does pay for some clothing with it, like fun t-shirts, but boring things like replacements don't-- sometimes we'll have a thing where I say here's a set amount to spend on this item that we need, like a desk chair, and you can use your allowance to get a more luxury version if you want). He also gets big lump sums (10x his allowance) in lieu of gifts for Christmas and his birthday.

    I could be wrong since I do not know the details of your financial situation, but you're already cutting the big stuff like only having one car, and I assume you have two professional-sized incomes (again, I could be wrong). Is the additional money going towards paying off debt or something that will put you in a much better situation in the foreseeable future so you can loosen up at that time? As in, are you being tight now because you want to be looser in the future (which is really nice if the time period is short enough)? Or are you being tight now because you want something like early retirement (in which case you have to be tight forever) or you're worried about the career situation or you have a big short term savings goal? In what ways do you not feel on track, and are there other ways that could help you feel more on track? (These are all rhetorical questions for thinking about! Don't feel like you need to answer.)

    Also-- these things that you want but are not affording right now-- stick them on your amazon wish list. Maybe someone will get them for you at the next gift-giving holiday.

    My DH took a knife skills class 5 years ago. It was extraordinarily useful.

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    1. Really good questions. But $30/week does end up at $120/month which is what I'm doing, btw. It just goes REALLY REALLY fast. I just remembered I also scheduled a haircut! That will be like >$60. Not sure where that'll come from. I only get a haircut once a year-ish---there really isn't a budget category for that!
      Yes, we are cutting a lot of big stuff (no car, actually). But not everything! We eat out occasionally, buy booze, have a house cleaner (who just raised her rates by 20%), travel a bit, and do fun things for the kids (museums, children's theater, etc...), occasional date nights with sitter.
      No debt, not planning an early retirement (way too late for that!). Just trying to save a bit more & spend more to our priorities, and figuring it out. I wanted to start with as little as possible & then increase as needed.
      Once the shopping ban is up I'll give myself a clothes budget for the year and work through that. We don't do gifts for any occasions for adults. My parents gave me some birthday money, but we spent it on dinner out.

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    2. I think I'm trying to train myself to get used to a little bit of scarcity. I'd gotten in the habit of just buying what I thought I needed/wanted immediately. I want to get used to thinking it over, saving for it, or even going without if I don't want to sacrifice something else for that money. Of course, I lived that way for most of my life, but the past few years I got really used to "add to cart" and "complete order".

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    3. $120/month plus $300 at Christmas plus $300 for his birthday plus a lot of the things you talk about you and your husband buying out of your respective allowances aren't included in his $120/mo. (And it works out to a bit more than $120/mo because there are 52 weeks not 48 weeks, so that's another $120.)

      It's great to budget and plan and tinker with your priorities. In this case it sounded like the allowance is giving you a bit of stress instead of relieving it, and it sounds like you could afford to up it a bit and still be meeting all of your goals, including spending mindfully.

      I don't have an allowance at all-- it would stress me out (so I would probably stockpile it until it was so big that it was like I didn't have one). But it works really well with DH's personality. Back when we had a lot less money, I would treat myself to things off my amazon wishlist at specific times, like right after Christmas and right after my birthday. I also think one of the big pleasures of being financially secure is buying whatever I want at the grocery store (though we still spend a lot less than most people ow that DC2 can eat wheat, I think because we don't get much processed food and we don't let much go to waste).

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  3. p.s. Any chance you could talk with after school about B doing homework in after school? We actually did bring that up with DC1's after school program when homework started (in third grade) because our evenings were getting stressful and they allowed some time for doing homework before starting playtime.

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    1. re: after care and homework: technically, yes, there is time for homework to be done during after care, depending on when I pick him up. They get there around 3:30, have a snack, then 3:45-4:45 or so is a class (gymnastics, karate, drama, etc...) and B loves those classes (and needs to get energy out by that point because they have recess in the morning and then nothing else at school). I get him 5-5:30 depending on the day.
      BUT. He is only five! He can't read at all! He can't figure out his HW on his own, especially since all the types of worksheets are new to him right now. Also he is very easily distracted---to the point where I would suspect he had ADD except he's only 5 so it may just be maturity---He needs multiple reminders to do anything or he'll stop mid-process and start doing something else or just space out & start singing or playing. And with all the kids around (of various ages & from various schools) in aftercare, expecting him to 'buckle down" and do a worksheet---well, I don't think its going to happen for at least a few months.
      I told him last week that if he gets his HW done in aftercare, he will have more time to play at home, but he actually doesn't MIND doing the homework, its still new & fun for him, so that wasn't a huge incentive.

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    2. We're 3/4 of the way through the K year here. First term was hellish in terms of tiredness & finding a new routine and I wasn't even working (but I did have a 6 month old). I've seen a huge change in maturity over the past few months - just a huge change. Along with that she's reading independently & her handwriting, while still rubbish- is better. But then again, she comes from a long line of overachievers with rubbish handwriting so I find it difficult to get concerned about the weird ways she forms her 'b'.

      Her teacher's advice in the parent meeting at the start of the year was that homework was optional in K and if they were tired, don't do it! The extent of it is a weekly word sheet which we do when we think about it and she's in the right mood. We did NOTHING first term. From mid-year they had daily reading books but I have never forced that either. She usually wants to read and if she doesn't- we don't. Or I get her to read some of her bedtime story to me instead.

      I guess my opinion is K homework is optional and not worth family discord - it'll get better once everything settles.

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    3. Sorry, I meant we did nothing after school first term. We did do the word sheet but not until the weekend.

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    4. The only homework DC1 had in kindergarten all year was to take home the class stuffed animal (a frog) over one weekend and have us take pictures of it for the class scrapbook. This was memorable for us because the #$ frog lost his pants at the renaissance festival and I had to get replacement pants at build-a-bear, which was not cheap.

      I think in general I'm not in favor of homework that children can't do by themselves.

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  4. My 2 cents about kindergarten homework. Set a timer for 15 minutes MAX and what he gets done, he turns in. K home work is about the process. It shouldn't be graded, except maybe to count as credit for doing it and it certainly shouldn't have any bad associations with it. To deal with this - I might have him deal with corrections over the weekend, do spelling words at breakfast or while commuting and Accelerated Reader at bedtime a couple of nights a week. Homework should not take up all of a kindergartener's free time, nor should it do anything except set a habit that is reinforced by the parents. If my kiddo complains about the assignment, I tell her to take it up with the teacher - I will help her, but I will not make her do it beyond the timer. I already passed first grade and I'm not going to be in trouble if it isn't done. She usually does it then without complaint, but I still limit the time.

    About the budget. I have opinions I'm willing to share, but won't unless you want them. It does seem that you are expecting small $ to cover many needs/wants. To the point that it isn't much fun for either of you, based on past posts. I will cop to a similar approach as you, so I'm totally sympathetic and not at all judgemental, but I know this is super personal too. But ask the teacher about this at conferences too. Also, for days off, I have a group of working moms at the school and we trade off. It is really helpful come snow days.

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    1. Happy for any suggestions re: the budget--I get what you're saying but there is a method/reason to why I'm being restrictive, which I'll write more about later today. But, yes, its a work in progress and I'm definitely going to have to change things next year so I'd love any wisdom you've gained along the way

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  5. We've been having all those same issues surrounding K, and we started six weeks ago! The thing I hate the most is just not knowing what is going on there--my daughter is the worst for relaying information. She never tells me anything, even if I ask very specific questions. And sometimes what she does tell me is just plain wrong. She also gets what happens at school and after care mixed up a lot, which causes confusion. It's hard to feel so in the dark.

    As for homework, she gets a packet that is basically one page a day. We've set up a situation in which she gets some iPad time during the 15 minutes I'm putting her brother to sleep if she did a page at after care. If she doesn't do it at after care, she has to do it at home when I'm putting Teo to bed and can't use the iPad. That has been enough incentive for her to do it during after care, which helps a lot.

    I agree with the 15 minutes timer, but I'd say anything more than 10 minutes a night is excessive. It is about the process in Kindergarten and there shouldn't be negative associations with it. I hope you figure out something that works for you.

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    1. how does she know how to do it? can she read? do the after-care providers help? I need to give B a LOT of direction and...guidance to keep him on task. I basically had to sit with him to explain it all, then be very close by and making sure he is not spacing out or doodling/coloring instead of doing the sheet!

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  6. I agree with NandM about doing homework at aftercare, if possible. At LG's program (in middle school) that's a built in feature. LOVE IT.

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  7. Homework was an adjustment for us in K too. DS could not read well enough to read the directions at the beginng of the year. Aftercare provides quiet time but no assistance (like reading directions). I read them to him and made sure he understood but then let him answer his way. For example if he had to illustrate something and didn't want to use crayons/markers I just let him do it in pencil. It didn't have to be elaborate just done. Homeowrk never took more than 10 minutes (the assignments were small). This year he is in 1st grade and can read directions and complete his homework in aftercare.

    For snack, I pack DS snack in a baggie and put it in a small compartment of his backpack. His lunch is inside his lunchbox. That's how we differentiate. (I know that depending on how snacks/meals work it may not be that easy for you).

    The not knowing what is going on daily was a big difference for me too. I try to tell myself that this is the process of him growing up though and beginning to establish his own world as well as some independence. When I frame it like that it helps me think of it as just part of the growing up process and that we have been working toward this for the last 5 years.

    Early bedtime was big for us in K. (That being said our K starts at 7:40AM and the bus comes at 7:10AM so we have to be up early). More sleep = more of an even keel (for DS and Mom and Dad).

    Best of luck in all of your transitions. I know every family is different so ignore if my life doesn't line up with yours.

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    1. thanks. I'm also trying to let him do it his way. One assignment we had was for him to write his first & last time 5 times on lined paper. It took him...no joke...25 minutes. He kept losing track of what he was doing, skipping letters or either completely messing up the letter or not liking how he wrote it, so erasing the WHOLE THING and starting over, etc... I'm hoping to get him to get it done in 10-15 minutes in the future!

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  8. Ah, I see the aftercare problem now...

    I'm not sure if this would work for you, but could you have your own 'homework' time at the same time he's working? It never worked for LG to do homework as soon as she got home; she needed TV time and dinner first.

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  9. Hi Ana,
    I may have commented a long time ago (if I did I don't remember). I have read your blog for awhile and find myself nodding to many things you say. I was hooked on reading your blog after a post a couple of years ago where you were exasperated as your youngest had licked the sidewalk! I laughed out loud in recognition of what parenting can look like. I have a son who is 5 and my daughter just turned 3. I am going through the same adjustment pain that you are. I had phoned a friend two nights ago asking her about the "courier" bag and book bags as I don't always know what to do with them. I did not want to be one of "those" parents who have no clue what is going on but I really don't think everything is explained well.
    Thankfully so far the only homework we have is reading (and practicing sight words) but I can do that at bedtime since we always read anyway. It seems to be working so far but once it is actual writing homework, I will have the same issue of getting dinner ready and trying to do clean up and get homework done. I think once they can read it will get easier. And as they mature and practice a little hopefully the homework process will become a habit and not such a chore.
    I really do think that we are all too hard on ourselves. There is just so much information on the internet and comparison that just did not happen in our parent's generation.
    My biggest battle is exhaustion. At the end of the day is when my patience is worn thin. I work really hard to be kind with the kids and sometimes I end up yelling or getting mad when the kids won't settle and all I want is some time to myself before I need to sleep.
    I think sometimes you need to remind yourself that you are juggling so many things and give yourself a break. I had really resonated with the post of perfectionism. I am far from a perfectionist but I do always strive to improve and sometimes it is OK to actually just be and not have to have the perfect body, budget and whatever else we think we should be but just to be kind and try to enjoy the good moments. Even if that moment is not a long one!
    Thanks so much for sharing the thoughts and experiences that we can all relate to and support each other in doing our best.
    Shelly

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    1. Thanks for your kind comments Shelly! You are absolutely right about "just to be kind and try to enjoy the good moments". So true. To give you hope, our homework situation seems to have worked itself out---past 2 days he finished it in after-care except for some sight word recognition we are working on with bedtime books,same as you.

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  10. That is great! I forgot to send back our latest book and as my son reminded me this evening.. it was supposed to go back today mom.. we are all doing our best!

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  11. UGH homework. It's a constant struggle around here, because I. doesn't always do it (or do it completely or neatly) at his aftercare, and they don't really check it with critical eyes. Then we get home and it's a mad dash to dinner and bed, with no time to redo anything. That said, the crazy comes and goes. And it's a good lesson in not being perfect. :)

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