Friday, August 12, 2016

Another Friday

I left the PMD today with an rx for P@xil, more Ambi3n and a tetanus booster. Aaah, primary care!
She thinks the insomnia from the c3lexa will not get better, and in fact, will get worse with increased dose; she finds P@xil to be more sedating and less likely to cause insomnia. I'm game. I'll start it this weekend and see how it goes. The plan is to increase from 10 mg to 20 mg within the next month and then go back to my scheduled psych appointment.

The thought of a 5- or 10-year plan was really overwhelming for me right now, so I started small. I tried to picture the perfect day, or week, or weekend. My ideal evening involves less TV/internet/laying in bed reading and more going out and doing stuff, or just trying something new once in a while (while still allowing time to decompress/chill out). More socialization, less isolation (both at home and at work). Also deliberate time to plan and reflect, rather than just going from one thing to the next and wondering where the day/week/month went.

I'm taken by the idea of giving back to our community with time, in addition to the $ we already give. If we could make it a family activity, even better. Fostering animals for the shelter down the road? (bonus: kittens!) I could get more involved in our school's friends-of group, but it seems really political and extrovert-friendly---with schmoozing and money raising and planning events and manning booths and "partnering" with businesses. Those are not my strong suit. f they need someone to stuff envelopes or keep accounts or something, I'm in, though.

Some of this involves learning (or re-learning) what I actually find "fun". We usually spend our weekends trying to do things to entertain and exhaust the kids, with little regard to what we (or lets face it, I) actually enjoy. Other than my gym classes (which ARE fun for me), the rest of our weekends are fun in an other-focused "oh, I enjoy seeing the kids enjoy themselves" way. On rare occasions I may go out with friends, or we'll have a monthly-ish date night, but those evenings are usually focused on eating/drinking, maybe talking. Ideas I'm mulling over: taking a dance class, G & I taking some sort of class (not dance!) together---cooking? wine tasting?, learning a new hobby---knitting sounds relaxing, doing more relaxing activities like games/puzzles as a couple or family.

Its soothing to think about things, and realize I can make them happen. They are very small things, but small steps begin the journey.


10 comments:

  1. Wait! Are you working full time? That and tow kids... Do you think new hobby/one more thing to do will help you relax? I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I realized I need to do less, not more. I find it relaxing and revitalizing if I read at night. Funny, how this was your NOT to do activity.

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    1. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE reading and don't plan to stop entirely. Its just easy to distract/zone out with a book/TV/internet vs. really trying to be more in the world/deal with things. I've been reading a lot about depression and anxiety and for both, getting out and doing things, engaging with the world, trying new things is good for long-term mental health.

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  2. I don't do well with 5-10 year plans. They actually depress me. But one-year plans and nebulous "in the future" plans work well, along with semester plans and daily plans.

    Good luck! I hope the Paxil works! I think one of my friends had good experiences with Paxil.

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  3. Yay for steps in the right direction! It's really hard to change habits about how to spend your free time. But if you make small changes, that's something at least. I'm happy to read the small bit of hope in this post. I hope things keep getting better.

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  4. Ana, I've also been toying with the idea of taking a dance class...but not going to happen at least until 2017!

    I hope the new med combo helps. Insomnia just makes everything worse.

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    1. I have an acquaintance who started a tap dancing class and loves it. It requires concentration and its a good break from the work/parenting grind.

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  5. I think the fact that you're even thinking about hobbies and things you'd like to do is a good sign. I really hope the new med helps.
    I want to learn actual calligraphy. And re-learn violin. And understand wine better (or maybe just have a great excuse to drink a lot of it . . who knows . . .)

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    1. I tried to teach myself calligraphy as a kid. I had a book & pens. I never learned an instrument. Its a big investment (time & $), but maybe someday!

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  6. Pro-activeness rules. Your items sound doable and potentially very good ROI so to speak. Fingers crossed for the meds to kick in soon and well.

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