Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Stream of...something...

I switched to the new med this weekend and here we go again. Total ramped up anxiety, jittery, can't sleep, can't concentrate. I messaged my doctor asking if she could please prescribe something quick acting that I can use until this goes away because I really really just can't deal anymore. Except, of course, I have to deal. So I do. (but I can't)

Also my phone isn't working. Its my work phone, and I need it, so I need to figure it out (the actual PHONE part isn't working, I can't hear anyone on the phone unless I use the speaker which is...not ideal obviously). I called the work telecom support and they told me to take it to the store---and there are no appointments at said store until next week.

The boys and I are leaving in 2 days to visit my parents. G is getting a break (though he has a big project happening at work so will probably just work more while we're gone). It'll be a bit boring, but fine. I haven't spent time with my parents since they came for spring break, so its good that we'll have some time to catch up. I have to make sure my kindle is loaded with books. I may blog to pass the time. I need to finish season 7 of gilmore girls. So you know, to do list getting long.

On the other hand, I had a super depressing conversation with my mom yesterday. She is bored & having a hard time filling her time these days. It made me so sad, because she's pretty healthy and I wish she was enjoying this stage of life more. She takes care of the house and exercises every day, but that doesn't fill all the hours. I told her to take a class, volunteer, get a pet...but there are excuses for all of it. A lot of her friends have moved away to be closer to kids. I wonder if she is depressed. I need to work that out and then convince her to get help if she is. I need to call more.

My dad still works full time...another discussion we are going to have next week. My sister is pressuring him to quit to "spend time with the grandkids" and he said he would retire at the end of this year. But actually I'm scared he will wither away without work; he is still healthy and able, and has no real hobbies, and has plenty of vacation time for travel (plus my parents have traveled a LOT the past 20 years, I think they've gone everywhere they've wanted to go), so why give up the thing that gives you purpose in life? How much time could they spend with the grandkids, really? Even if they move closer to her/us, the kids are in school and activities. My sister and I each try to get down there once or twice a year, and they come up 2-3 times (but only once so far this year), which I think is pretty good given all of us have full time jobs and another side of the family to visit. 

Thinking about my parents and MIL (who has similar issues, though hers are added to by the stress of unemployment) just depresses the HELL out of me, but also makes me want to be proactive about planning for old age...not just financially but also building social support, interests outside of work, etc... I know its decades away for me, but I guess its currently on my radar because of spending time with the older generation.

On a positive note, I read a few good books lately: The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry (it was partly depressing and partly hopeful) and Eligible (just plain fun, I loved it and devoured it in 2 days). Also a YA futuristic fiction manuscript written by a woman in our neighborhood book group which needs to be published, it is so good and I need to read the second part ASAP. I'm currently reading "Brideshead Revisited" which came with great recommendations but I'm finding boring so far (5% in).

Anyways. Thoughts and feelings. I've got them. I'll share them when I can.


  1. Ana, I had that problem with my phone. For some reason putting in headphones and then turning the phone off and on made it work... worth a try?

  2. Is the phone an iPhone? I had those issues as well. For me, some liquid came into the phone from the bottom and shorted the speaker. I got a new phone. Good luck!

    A very joyful book (SciFi), Becky Chambers, "The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet." I really enjoyed it and I found it very sticky.

  3. my parents retired several years ago. I thought they would be miserable (esp my dad) but not at all. They don't seem to DO much but they are happy. They exercise, take care of the house, just have a daily routine.

    I wish I could experience their life NOW for about a month. Ha!

  4. Retirement was the best thing that ever happened to my dad. He volunteers at his church and various other organizations, started his own business, and has more friends than he ever had before. My mom is retired, but disabled, but... I actually don't think she's unhappy at all. She mostly sits and watches tv, and goes to dr and physical therapy appointments. My version of hell but she seems to like it.

  5. You've been quiet. How is the med change? How is the MIL?

  6. I hear you. My parents retired and they just can't seem to figure out how to spend their days in a fulfilling way. Their health is suffering and I wonder if it's just from lack of direction to their days.

    Like you, I've been thinking a lot about what retirement will look like and how to make that season of life truly fulfilling.